Vampire Hunter X

Narrator presents his crusade to tackle real vampires all over Europe.

Actually, here's one extra tale about something of lifelong interest to me --- vampire-folklore --- and it's inspired by perhaps my favorite anime/manga series, Vampire Hunter D. Thanks so much for reading (signing off),

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I'm a vampire-hunter. I track and chase and destroy vampires all over Europe. I have special and traditional tools and weapons and spiritual shields to help me on my mission. I defend democracy and the right to live peacefully and fight the blood-suckers who create dominions of vanity and blaspheme the cup of Christ by ingesting human blood like cannibals in the name of power and strength. I'm a vampire-hunter, and I'm very cool.

I wield a crossbow and shoot arrows tipped with holy-water. When these arrows pierce the skin of vampires all over Europe, the blood-sucking minions of Hell shirk and shrink back to their hidden lairs and domains of unexposed darkness. As long as the vampires remain underground, there's no real danger of invasion and control of all life on Earth, but my crossbow is my special weapon of defense.

I've been given special aliases by the vampires I've tracked, and they all consider me akin to Van Helsing or Vampire Hunter D, but I know they don't disrespect me as a Christian warrior with standard human interests such as Sinn Fein politics (Ireland), Dutch soccer (World Cup), and Chinese food (Chinatown). However, they admire me, because I'm not just any other man, which makes me a messenger of holy-water. That's my special dignity!

I'm a Catholic but respect other Christian denominations and comparable faiths such as Mormonism and Eastern Orthodoxy. I attend church services and enjoy watching EWTN (Catholic-TV) in North America. I admire stained-glass Christian art and enjoy watching Orthodox rituals glorifying the cup of Christ and the ingestion of His blood as a sign of the redemption of sin and the everlasting quality of faithful living.

I also drink tons of V8, the popular supermarket sold marketed brand of canned and bottled vegetable juice. V8 is both tasty and energizing! When I drink V8, I feel stronger and even holier. It reminds me of drinking from the cup of Christ, as if I'm a faithful messenger of the peaceful face of commerce and modern supermarket culture. A good vampire-hunter must possess such values regarding faith in civilization and civics. I love V8.

I sometimes load my water-gun with holy-water and shoot it at vampires in Europe prowling around the cities during Halloween masquerading as fake-vampires but terrifying and attacking travelers who have no idea they're confronting actual vampires and not just standard killers! My holy-water loaded water-gun is another weapon I wield to fight these blood-suckers who soak the moonlight in darkness with methods of insanity, mind-control, terror, brutality, humiliation, and of course, cannibalism.

A modern vampire might live in a grand castle still erect, or perhaps a castle converted into a hotel somewhere in Europe. These dark castles are vampire lairs, because vampires simply prefer the solemnity of gothic structures that gain an extra gloomy proportion in times of darkness. Modern vampires still like castles as much as Count Dracula himself enjoyed castle life. Vampires are ironic in this way.

There are numerous vampires lurking all around the world. These vampires are messengers of theatrics, vanity, and sometimes even fashion. They might be able to sell items of capitalism or become powerful politicians. Nevertheless, their religion is one of cannibalism and power merchandising. Beware of their attractive appearances, because their methods are traditionally diabolical!

You never simply know if you work at a prestigious NYC law-firm, which employs dozens of sophisticated attractive professionals, that is actually a 'home' for vampires and vampires-in-training! A modern vampire may be an intricate 'diplomat' in our magazine-civilization, and they like appearing as messengers of vanity and lust. They might be diplomats of pure wealth and even cinema!

You're at a European party and you meet a beautiful young woman who pulls you aside and invites you back to her lush apartment. She gets you really drunk and inebriated and you feel like you're not in control of your wits fully or even your senses. She then lunges at you with protruding teeth and glowing eyes, and now you know you're either a vampire-victim or are about to be converted into a full-fledged vampire. If you're the latter, I'll be coming after you soon!

I sometimes wear a rabbit-mask while walking around in Europe late at night. People notice me and wonder if I'm like the eccentric Pied Piper of Hamelin or some other theatrical outlandish eccentric costumed to make some other-worldly statement about the strangeness of the modern city! However, my rabbit-mask is intended to send pedestrians the message that they're 'sharing space' with a crusader and a good friend, someone who believes in cool and fun living but not necessarily in the vanity of cannibalism, vampirism, and deception!

I also carry multiple rabbit-foot charms in my pocket at all times. The rabbit's foot is an iconic lucky-charm signifying a human being's basic and faithful and harmless superstition that the gentle rabbit is a creature that symbolizes earthly living and natural innocence! The rabbit-foot charms I keep in my pocket help me and give me courage, so when a vain or dark vampire approaches me at night in the city I monitor, I know and feel that I have an ingrained sense of connection to the earth itself and a deep human humility regarding the everpresence of God's warm creatures such as the delightful rabbit!

I'm not a poor man and drive a very nice Toyota SUV. It's white in color and is fully revved up with amenities and a great engine and reliable transmission. I've boosted it to give my vehicle some extra speed, so when I'm driving through the mountainsides of Europe at night under the moon and pursuing vampire daredevils in roadsters and bikes, I can use my enhanced headlights to scare the hell out of them!

LESTAT: I'm a king-vampire living in Holland, and I hate this new 'vampire-hunter' who carries holy-water guns and arrows and rabbit's feet as spiritual charms and seems to possess an ugly preternatural sense of immortal capital; someday, I hope he dies, so we vampires flourish on Earth as true messengers of real terrorism!

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)