Lubdan's Gold

A Story by Abishai100

The evil leprechaun Lubdan haunts a Vegas casino with some eerie message about forbidden diagonal pots of modern gold.

This is a final Irish yarn, but now it's mixed with more colorful capitalism-omen folklore and references the iconic Irish-American horror-cinema/comics avatar Lubdan. Thanks for reading (signing off...finally!),

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Isaac Satan traveled to Las Vegas to see Caesars Palace and do some harmless gaming there after dropping out of the CIA. He'd become disillusioned with the CIA's missions regarding the improvement of Protestant-Catholic relationships in Northern Ireland, and those between the IRA and Parliament. Now, he just wanted to drown his sorrows in some fun pot of gold.

Isaac traveled to Vegas and took a room at Caesars Palace. He started playing lots of poker and blackjack there as well as some slots play. He tried forgetting about his years with CIA/IRA work after graduating with-honors from Dartmouth College in 2000. He just wanted to win some gold.

Isaac loved gambling. He loved gold. He was a Catholic by faith but saw nothing wrong with some relaxing poker and blackjack and slots-play to just win some gold. He was looking for money and meditation and Vegas' Caesars Palace hit all the right notes in his jaded brain.

However, a demonic force followed Isaac Satan to Vegas in that season. It was none other than the sinister and evil Irish leprechaun imp Lubdan, a dark mystical ghoul who used special magic to hypnotize people with gold and lure them to places he could decapitate them. He was after the CIA/IRA angel Isaac Satan!

Isaac played his poker and blackjack and then went to his room to drink and watch TV. He felt relaxed and resolved to stay in Caesars Palace for about a whole month using a good deal of his saved up money. He also started winning a fair amount of money at the Vegas casino.

Isaac met a gorgeous but equally-jaded showgirl who started drinking with him. They drank tons of Pina Coladas. He realized she shared his dispassionate disattachment from what could just be called the world. They spent time in his Caesars suite and made love and ate tons of chocolate. Isaac Satan also started to win more money while in the girl's company, but he never asked her her name and he never told her he was ex-CIA/IRA.

To be ex-CIA/IRA, you have to be jaded about the deep scars created between Protestants and Catholics who otherwise comprise the world's dominating Christian denominations/sects. However, most people care much more about Israel-Palestine and simply don't see the real darkness in this Protestant-Catholic deformity that Isaac Satan unfortunately found in Northern Ireland while working as an intelligence and demolitions specialist.

Isaac started to get the eerie feeling that he was being stalked by a demonic 'force' or perhaps maniac and decided to report this eerie suspicion to a Vegas sheriff named Lee Butler, a real cowboy. Isaac was otherwise having a nice time at Caesars but felt honestly more comfortable confiding this sneaking feeling to Sheriff Butler. The good and eccentric Vegas sheriff then went about looking for Lubdan, the actual 'presence' truly stalking the poor Isaac. Sheriff Butler was concerned when he noticed that there was strange trail of tiny blood-drops behind Isaac's movements around Caesars.

Sheriff Butler decided to park his military styled jeep outside Caesars and constantly monitored what Isaac was doing and where he was going and if the good sheriff noticed anyone visible actually following the poor Isaac Satan.

Finally, Sheriff Butler found a blood-soaked paper-rose on the floor at Caesar's, right outside the bathroom, right after Isaac Satan had come out of the bathroom. The good sheriff concluded finally that someone really was stalking Isaac Satan and trying to frighten him but couldn't deduce just who or why.

Isaac was at a gaudy macabre stage-show one night at Caesars featuring disco club characters engaged in graphic decapitations of helpless customers/patrons when he thought he saw the visage of someone sitting across at a table on the other side of the performance area in the darkly-lit performance area. The character was dressed like a leprechaun and was obviously very short in stature but had odd proportions. Something wasn't right about this fellow! However, Isaac just continued to try to enjoy the macabre stage show.

When Isaac got to his suite, he found a note written by his newfound showgirl girl-friend and it read, "I think someone (or something!) is following you, dear Isaac, and I think it's following me now too, because it was following you, so I just don't feel brave enough to pursue a relationship with you at Caesars right now --- so goodbye dear!"

Isaac Satan decided to go to the Caesars Palace in-house Catholic church/praying area and started lamenting the loss of his girlfriend and began to seriously wonder who (or what!) was stalking him and what drove away his girlfriend. He now felt confused as well as lonely!

Then, one day, Isaac took a rental car and just began driving around Vegas. When the sun set, he was still driving at night. However, a strange short figure, one resembling the leprechaun he thought he spotted at the Caesars stage-performance earlier, ran across the road, causing Isaac to swerve and crash. The figure walked up to Isaac holding a switchblade and dressed completely as a leprechaun. The figure chuckled and introduced himself as Lubdan ("evil protector of Vegas gold"), and Isaac immediately knew this guy was some dark creep and began running away as fast as he could from Lubdan. However, Lubdan pulled out a hidden fold-out wheelchair and began chasing Isaac in it while Isaac was trying to flee on legs!

LUBDAN: I thought you'd never stop running, fair Isaac.

ISAAC: What the hell do you want and what the hell are you?
LUBDAN: I explained I was Lubdan, dark protector of Vegas gold.

ISAAC: Well, I haven't won a ton of gold, so you can leave me.
LUBDAN: I know that, but I think you want my special pot of gold.
ISAAC: How'd you figure that?
LUBDAN: Your charming and sexy girlfriend left you; you would win her back!
ISAAC: With your gold?
LUBDAN: Doesn't that sound enticing, young man?
ISAAC: I'm 40 years-old.
LUBDAN: You look young!

ISAAC: Yeah, that sounds cool, but I think she's departed from me.
LUBDAN: Scared?

ISAAC: What do you want in exchange for your gold?
LUBDAN: You have to take my gold and take your girl to Dublin (Ireland).

ISAAC: And?

LUBDAN: I know you dropped out of Irish Republican Army work.
ISAAC: So? How'd you know that?

LUBDAN: I told you, I'm a mystic and fortune-teller as well.

ISAAC: Well, I'm glad you know; maybe some Vegas creep who knew me told you!
LUBDAN: However I've come to know, you must go do Dublin with your girl.

ISAAC: With your gold?

LUBDAN: Yes!
ISAAC: And do what?

LUBDAN: One day, you have to plant an explosive in a bar catering to British police.

ISAAC: Why?
LUBDAN: You do that for me and for my gold and then leave a note for the police to find!
ISAAC: What will this hypothetical note read, Lubdan?
LUBDAN: It must read, "Your police pub is gone, because Lubdan's gold is done!"
ISAAC: What the hell does that mean?

LUBDAN: I'll give you and your girl two first-class tickets on Aer Lingus airlines.

ISAAC: What does your proposed police-note mean?
LUBDAN: It just means, "Lubdan is ready to destroy capitalism!"
ISAAC: Can I refuse this deranged offer?
LUBDAN: If you do, I'll kill you...and your girl.

ISAAC: Fine, creep; I'll do it; give me the gold...and the Aer Lingus tickets.

Isaac Satan had no choice to do what Lubdan commanded. However, he did end up marrying his Vegas showgirl lover and settled down privately and discreetly in Dublin (Ireland). The bomb Isaac planted went off in that Dublin bar where British Protestant police regularly visited as customers/patrons. The police on the scene of the mysterious terrorist incident found Isaac's cryptic police-note and it was published in the Irish National the next week. The week after, Protestant teenagers submitted anonymous drawings of Leatherface, with depictions of youngsters in Ireland dressed up in Leatherface gear. These juvenile drawings were submitted to national newspapers with messages like, "The time has come for meaningless darkness!" Lubdan was delighted by this cursing development in Ireland.

LUBDAN: So what're you doing in Vegas, my friend Leo?

LEO: I'm making a movie about a Vegas heist.
LUBDAN: Cool!

LEO: Why're you dressed like an evil leprechaun?

LUBDAN: Let's say I'm planning something elaborate!

LEO: What, if I may ask, good friend?
LUBDAN: I'm seeking to create a capitalism cynicism global grid!

LEO: How do you intend to pull off this invisible prank?
LUBDAN: I intend to use some Protestant-Catholic tragic news stories.

LEO: Why?

LUBDAN: People ignore Protestant-Catholic troubles in Northern Ireland.

LEO: You mean, because Israel-Palestine is more relevant to global capitalism?
LUBDAN: Exactly, kid Leo!
LEO: So what's your mission then?

LUBDAN: I want people to be scared about religion neglect, Leo.
LEO: That sounds eerily sinister, my friend!

LUBDAN: I need you to do something for me.
LEO: What?
LUBDAN: Sit outside the airport by Vegas and count how many travelers are wearing green.

LEO: Why and when?
LUBDAN: St. Patrick's Day and for my Vegas news-story about Northern Ireland.

LEO: What's the point of this?

LUBDAN: I'm exposing some pedestrian apathy about inter-religious customs in a capitalist world.

LEO: Why and what if I refuse this bizarre mission for you?
LUBDAN: I'll kill you and your buddy who's traveled to Vegas with you to accompany you during your filming!

Kid Leo had no choice but to comply with the command of the dark leprechaun Lubdan. Lubdan really was orchestrating an elaborate and terrible anti-capitalism message designed to unnerve people around the world about why profiteers were ignoring the Protestant-Catholic dismay in Northern Ireland in preference for more dastardly OPEC and petroleum-dollar Israel-Palestine dogma. Lubdan claimed people were 'dipping' from a proverbial forbidden 'dystopian' pot of gold! Was Lubdan a messenger of modern capitalism dance? You decide!

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)