The Belfast Burger

A jester tale about linking shopping with political dust in Northern Ireland in the modern world.

This is one last Irish politics fable, and this one's about the value of money and markets in the new world of dollar-designated politics, inspired by the film Syriana.

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Isaac Satan, an Algerian-American underground operative for the P-IRA (Provisional Irish Republican Army) was a modern era media advocate with intelligence with weapons, capital, and American networks.

He worked with the P-IRA to make network gains and munitions deposits and money allocation from American sympathizers for the Irish Catholic minority living in Northern Ireland. He had to resort to guerrilla tactics to fund and assist his new partners in the IRA.

Isaac had relatives involved in the FLN revolution against French colonial occupation of Algeria and sympathized with the struggles of the Irish Catholics in Belfast and was therefore recruited by the P-IRA after he dropped out of the CIA in America. Isaac was part of an assassination attempt on Princess Kate Middleton of Britain.

Isaac was given the IRA field-alias Green Shadow and was responsible for various media work and field work as well as munitions collections and actual field strikes on British police and military barracks. The modern IRA depended on global allies and sympathizers willing to work in the resourcing and fighting areas of the struggle, allies and sympathizers such as Green Shadow (Isaac Satan). Green Shadow liked marketing symbolic toys to Irish youngsters which he felt symbolized the aesthetics of the IRA depression.

Isaac's wife, a beautiful Persian woman named Althea, was not part of any of Isaac's IRA work, but he did use her modeling photos of fancy Arabian and Asian-Indian fashions to talk about the rights of all peoples in the modern world to consumerism fashions and marketplaces. She was just his media figurine and he wanted to keep her out of the troubles.

Isaac (Green Shadow) did, however, have a media-celebrity sympathizer female contact in America, an actress named Jennifer Collins who worked with symbolic modernism films in Hollywood about new age intelligence and imagination and customs such as A Beautiful Mind and The Terrorist. Isaac and the IRA gave Jennifer the field-alias Green Angel and made her responsible for finding American society network sympathizers for the IRA struggle as well as diplomatic allies for Sinn Fein, the legal and political arm of the IRA and P-IRA. Jennifer (Green Angel) became invaluable for the modern IRA and P-IRA.

Jennifer and Isaac began dating and courted an intimate relationship and had a son together named Damian. They dressed him in green-and-silver clothing and school uniforms while he was an infant to make media blogs about the value of indoctrinating youngsters into the aesthetics of modern political ideology and the colors of modern education.

Isaac was also tied to the LA Raiders NFL organization and created resources and black-market funding channels to the P-IRA. The Raiders were rumored to be moving to Las Vegas, and it was assumed that Green Shadow (Isaac Satan) and the P-IRA sought to benefit from the market savvy move by creating more underground resourcing and fashionable ties to Belfast. After all, the modern IRA needed more society youngsters to endorse their pro-populism campaign! Ties to a professional American sports organization would spell more morale boosts for the struggling Irish Catholic minority in Northern Ireland who simply felt like there were very few American Catholics willing and able and wealthy enough to support their Vatican plea.

Because the Irish Catholic minority in Northern Ireland felt the IRA was their only ally, they worried that their struggle for more civil rights and employment opportunities while living alongside the dominating generations of the British Protestant majority in Northern Ireland would be portrayed and painted as purely fanatical terrorism. These Irish Catholic minorities ironically dreaded media images of Irish Catholic women being recruited by the IRA and P-IRA and considered dangerous radicals by modern American journalists who were typically conservative Republicans.

That's why Isaac Satan (Green Shadow) allied with the British-American celebrity-figure Tom Cruise. Cruise had made countless symbolic films in Hollywood about American patriotism and democratic values. Green Shadow wanted to recruit Cruise as a network IRA sympathizer who'd offer some society circle axes for the Irish Catholic desperation.

Cruise was a co-owner of the Baltimore Colts NFL team and was also a co-owner and executive of the Colts cheerleader squad. He and his wife Katie were involved in various Colts cheerleaders events and Colts NFL fundraising activities for charity and media. Green Shadow (Isaac Satan) wanted to make Cruise's ties to the Colts team as valuable to the Irish Catholic media struggle in Belfast as the LA Raiders had become for the IRA and P-IRA.

However, Cruise was extremely wary that the IRA and P-IRA were simply not committed to forms and values of peace and democracy characteristic of the modern legal Sinn Fein political body and worried that Green Shadow represented extreme interests in underground activities that undermined the challenges of the Irish Catholics in Belfast who did not want to be linked to terrorism. Cruise wondered if Green Shadow actually had political initiatives in mind that would make resourcing and media ties to his Colts NFL team profitable...and safe.

Cruise also explained to Green Shadow that as a British-American who loved democratic values, he endorsed and enjoyed and praised many world movies about old English culture and English monarchy and beautiful kingdoms such as Elizabeth (Cate Blanchett) and First Knight (Julia Ormond). Green Shadow now realized Cruise was someone who naturally catered to English sensibilities and would not be easily swayed by the passion of the IRA when measured against the historical majesty of the British empire.

Green Shadow offered Cruise the chance to see for himself if P-IRA support was profitable and safe by announcing to him that the Irish Catholic radicals in Northern Ireland were trying to make money-ties to the Boardwalk Fries convenience-food company in the USA and since the company was considered politically neutral, Cruise would determine if such a tie was benign from the threat of terrorism. Cruise discovered that Sinn Fein and the IRA endorsed American consumerism companies such as Boardwalk Fries simply because they echoed the Irish Catholic citizens' interests in Northern Ireland to pursue peaceful commercial life. Cruise learned the modern IRA was trying to work with Sinn Fein actively to create secure and safe standard civilization bazaars. Money was everything after all, right?

Cruise now felt more comfortable endorsing some of Green Shadow's radical initiatives designed to create more courage for Irish Catholics in Northern Ireland and offered to branch out some of his society network ties to the Lamborghini sports-car company, By funneling underground money between the car company and Northern Ireland, Cruise and Green Shadow would be offering the IRA and Sinn Fein valuable society tokens regarding modern capitalism folk-songs.

As British PM Tony Blair met with Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams, Cruise and Green Shadow continued forging more North American society ties to Northern Ireland for the sake of more democratic access to modern media for Irish Catholics in Belfast and around the world. This was new age free-speech romance.

Cruise and Green Shadow also marketed a Transformers (Hasbro) hover-vehicle transforming robot-warrior named Blurr in a Christmas charity campaign in Belfast (Northern Ireland) designed to offer optimism to Irish Catholic kids seeking to live peacefully alongside British Protestant kids who shared their passion for modern toys and presents.

Cruise invited Green Shadow to his LA mansion where they enjoyed various spy-films together and marveled at the way modern cinema elevated and celebrated the imagery of beauty and sensuality as they related to new age customs and governance and even terrorism. This was after all the age of great expectations...and fashion!

CRUISE: It still seems like this is all just ugly terrorism, Isaac.
ISAAC: You know it all seems like terrorism when religions collide.
CRUISE: Do people care about Protestant-Catholic strife really?
ISAAC: Well, they certainly spend lots of time thinking about Israel-Palestine!
CRUISE: Jews and Muslims have fought more historically, right?
ISAAC: True, but this Protestant-Catholic tension is pure evil, Tom.
CRUISE: How will these Sinn Fein ties to Lamborghini and sports help?
ISAAC: The more Irish Catholics seem interested in civilization, the less dogma there will be.
CRUISE: Dogma can be dangerous in the age of markets and magazines.
ISAAC: Never mix capitalism with machine-guns.
CRUISE: Do you think Gerry Adams cares about Irish Catholic rights to capitalism?
ISAAC: Sinn Fein leaders care about Irish Catholic interests in modern media and markets.
CRUISE: I suppose we Americans don't want to lag behind the Middle East in democratic consumerism!
ISAAC: Right; we want Protestants and Catholics to find equal footing in modern consumer channels.
CRUISE: The Internet is a massive consumer channel.
ISAAC: We want Protestants and Catholics in Belfast to enjoy Netflix movies equally!
CRUISE: That will make these ties to Lamborghini and sports teams rather...destined.
ISAAC: That's the idea...that's why I'm networking now with a Sloan professor, Tom.
CRUISE: Cool. God bless capitalism.

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)