The Satan Twins: The Brighton Bank Draw

Two daring brothers attempt a St. Patrick's Day double-robbery of an immaculate bank in England to remind people about the social value of peace...and doorbells!

This one last light-hearted democracy-parable about Irish politics and bank robbery delight references the traumatic Brighton hotel bombing incident of 1984 and was inspired by the democracy-design film The Devil's Own. Thanks so much for reading (signing off),

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Ajay and Simian Satan were twins/brothers from Algeria who were living in England and part of an underground IRA-sympathizer group in Belfast (Northern Ireland). They studied at the Ivy League in the USA before moving to Europe to engage in radical underground politics. However, the Satan twins wanted to rob a Brighton street bank in England to commemorate the tragedy and symbolism of the Brighton hotel bombing in 1984 on St. Patrick's Day. The Satan twins were on course to become IRA legends, but they needed to be perfect!

The Brighton street Bank in England was marvelous and very well-secured. It boasted computerized modern alarm systems and multiple guards guarding the dense vault carrying very valuable amounts of British gold in coins and bars. The Satan twins intended to pull off two robberies of the Brighton street bank, back-to-back, during the St. Patrick's Day season to honor the struggles between Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland with a more festive and colorful and even lighthearted toast to the grandiosity of modern infrastructure in Europe!

The Satan twins burst into the Brighton street bank on their first robbery after scrambling the computer alarm system with a well-placed computer virus. They proceeded to shoot the security cameras with their silencer-pistols while masked and anonymous and then took the bank manager and one of the guards hostage. The Satan twins basically stormed into the bank claiming they were messengers of PIRA (Provisional Irish Republican Army) here to perform a bank robbery with no violence or casualties in honor of St. Patrick's Day. After the Satan twins successfully lifted about $4 million in British gold coins from the Brighton street Bank, the bank manager couldn't help but recount their harrowing and cinematic if ludicrous deed to reporters!

The Satan twins left with the bank personnel a symbolic PIRA badge to remind everyone that their nonviolent heist, albeit armed heist, was in honor or the St. Patrick's Day season. Now, the Satan twins sat back and read the glorious headlines of their daring successful initial robbery of the Brighton street Bank in England. They were simply cheering on their commemoration of the Irish holiday!

The Satan twins' mother was a gypsy-woman in Algeria named Eliza Khan who renounced formal Islam and followed the writings of sentimental revolutionaries in the area who despised French colonial rule at that time. Eliza taught her twin boys to be respectful of cultural customs while exploring their own creative way to make sociopolitical life seem more fun and thrilling. The Satan twins worshipped their gypsy-mother Eliza. They really did!

Well, now the Satan twins were set to perform their second robbery of the Brighton street Bank in England. It was still the St. Patrick's Day season, and the Satan twins wanted to send the London Times a daring declaration describing their promise to successfully perform a second consecutive heist of the respected British bank. Now, the authorities were on special alert!

The Brighton street Bank in England was a really beautiful building with incredible architecture and pillars of color. The Satan twins chose the bank during the St. Patrick's Day season to help people get over the terrible trauma of the scarring 1984 Brighton hotel bombing during with the IRA attempted to kill English leader Margaret Thatcher. The Brighton street Bank in England was therefore an idyllic, canonical, and symbolic target for the daring and masked Satan twins!

The stage was now set for a second consecutive robbery of the Brighton street Bank in England. The Satan twins intended to walk into the bank with another method this time, so the authorities would not use the forewarning to create any impossible obstacle. The Satan twins sat down and began scheming, after depositing the gold from their first robbery into the hands of their friend at Sinn Fein who was to organize a new meeting between PIRA and Parliament!

After the first robbery, the Satan twins had jumped into the sewers nearby through a manhole and fled through the underground tunnels of the city. This time, after their second robbery, these two masked vigilantes intended to hop onto a passing passenger bus in the nick of time and head to a nearby English residential town and hide out with a local Irish friend of theirs before departing for Hawaii (USA) on Aer Lingus.

Before the second robbery of the Brighton street Bank of England, the English prince and princess were on-hand in a horse-race near the bank and were in outstanding royal costumes. There were photographers and journalists on hand. One reporter asked the British prince what he thought of the Satan twins, and he smirked coldly and explained the two rogues wouldn't be able to pull off a second consecutive heist. The princess agreed and laughed out loud!

The bank vault at the Brighton street Bank in England was now guarded by extra-trained personnel in anticipation of the second robbery attempt by the masked Satan twins. This time, there was no way in hell the authorities would simply allow the IRA-sympathizer daredevils to just speed off with more British gold coins. This time, there would be a serious hurdle!

Now, all this bank robbery folklore had taken some attention away from the more hellish and depressing reality of violent terrorism in Northern Ireland between PIRA and Parliament regarding troubles between Protestants and Catholics living in Belfast in the new millennium. All this bank robbery folklore somehow deflated the natural angst during the festive St. Patrick's Day holiday season. Was this irony...or poetic jigsaw?

The bank executives' meeting at the Brighton street Bank in England right before the Satan twins attempted their second consecutive heist during the St. Patrick's Day season was to go over some of the sociocultural and journalistic ramifications of their British gold coins being stolen by the audacious vigilantes claiming to perform these symbolic 'nonviolent robberies' in honor of the peace-talks between PIRA and Parliament. This bank meeting was to go over security protocols as well as media standards for future press releases regarding all levels of public banking policy in Brighton...and all over the UK!

For the second heist of the Brighton street Bank in England, the audacious Satan twins stormed into the bank at 11a.m. in motorcycle helmets, claiming they were Hollywood stuntsmen sent by a movie-producer in London to perform a mock-robbery during the St. Patrick's Day season. The bank personnel were in shock and were honestly curious to see if these two 'movie stuntsmen' were simply and indeed the vigilante Satan twins attempting to pull off yet another media cliff. This time, the Satan twins, however, told the bank personnel and customers, whom they held at gunpoint, wielding machine-guns this time, promising this would be a fun and simple cinema experience if everyone simply cooperated. Oddly and strangely enough, everyone simply just cooperated!

The Satan twins carried off $4million more in British gold coins and hopped onto an Aer Lingus flight to Hawaii (USA) after their second successful heist of the immaculate Brighton street Bank in England. The Satan twins had managed to do the impossible. They pulled off a double-robbery during the St. Patrick's Day season and were doing to send their winnings to their friend at Sinn Fein after they reached the sunny and glimmering shores of Hawaii (USA).

AJAY: I believe we've pulled off a symbolic deed in the name of the father!
SIMIAN: Hail to nonviolent deeds, brother.
AJAY: Mother would've been very proud, no?
SIMIAN: Happy St. Patrick's Day and good health and refreshments in Hawaii.

AJAY: Maybe there will be a psychometrics course at Dartmouth about us!

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)