Grosse Pointe Blank (Movie Fan-Fiction)

Martin Blank, a government assassin, tells us of his watershed high-school reunion at Grosse Pointe.

Here's a fun movie fan-fiction for this year's St. Patrick's Day, but I really am retired!



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"My name's Martin Blank. I'm about to become 'Grosse Pointe Blank' after attending my 10-year high-school reunion at the small American town Grosse Pointe. My ex-girlfriend Debi still lives there as the town radio-DJ. My mom lives there in the community's mental care center. I'm having reservations about going back to Grosse Pointe for my 10-year high-school reunion. I need to talk to my benevolent psychiatrist, Dr. Oatman.

I'm having reservations about attending my Grosse Pointe reunion because of my current maelstrom involvement with American government contract killings. That's right, I'm a specialist assassin for the U.S. government. I kill those nasty lurking adversaries of humanity who simply evade standard army personnel. I've taken down some evil druglords, emerging fascists, and pseudo-syndicated psychos.

My one rival in this dubious killer-market is a seemingly affable but gluttony-prone cheese-man named Grocer, whom I just refer to as 'Dan' (since he's so darn normal). I didn't want Grocer to follow me home to Grosse Pointe in the off-chance that I might receive a government hit-job while I'm at my high-school reunion. After all, an adversary mighty decide it's opportune to wipe out Martin Blank, me, while orchestrating smalltown terrorism, and Grocer will want the jump.

My secretary Marcella informs me that I get a government assignment as soon as I arrive at Grosse Pointe. Guess who my hit is, folks! It's Mr. Bart Newberry, father of my ex-girlfriend Debi Newberry. I was chummy with Bart until he thought I left Debi, and maybe he's correct, but now I have to find a way to smuggle him to safety because of his secret involvement with pro-IRA (Irish Republican Army) sympathizers in America. I call my psychiatrist, Dr. Oatman, because I was honestly secretly hoping to use my high-school reunion time to reconcile with my ex-girlfriend Debi Newberry.

Dr. Oatman wishes I didn't call him and recommends I refrain from killing people with random instruments during my high-school reunion time to make time to actually reconcile with my ex-girlfriend Debi Newberry! So, i decide to visit my mom Barbara at the mental care center at Grosse Pointe and she tells me, in her special empathetic way, to seek out and find a smart way to kiss Debi. I run to Debi's house, climb up the tree by her bedroom window the way I used to do in high-school, and kiss her!

Of course, the following evening, I end up escorting Debi to our Grosse Pointe Blank reunion, dodge an Algerian assassin sent to kill both me and Debi's IRA-sympathetic dad, Bart, and kill my rival Grocer ('Dan') who intended to plant a bomb inside the high-school. I call and tell my secretary Marcella I'm retiring and flee with Debi to Quebec. I intend to enjoy Toronto Maple Leafs (NHL ice-hockey) games with Debi and our son, Fredericks."

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