The American Vigilante: A Diary

A Story by Abishai100

This is an 'auto-diary' of a fictional American vigilante who's chasing a Leatherface-copycat with 'dioramic' tools and 'decisive' faith.

Sorry folks, I had to return from retirement on this cool Saturday night for a special vigilantism-fable inspired by one of my favorite modern films Kick-A*s, so I hope you read it...and like it!

Signing off,

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I've been chasing a psycho for several years now. I blog on the Internet, talking about the importance of democratic patriotism, Christian values, and law-abiding citizens. I consider myself an online vigilante. However, the psycho I'm chasing is a masked maniac who models himself after Leatherface, the iconic chainsaw-wielding cannibal from the popular Texas Chainsaw Massacre horror-film series. My name is Ajay, and I consider myself an underground cop.

I make blogs with myself in various get-ups and masks and outfits to grab this Leatherface-copycat's attention. I know he browses the Internet, because I noticed a strange fellow who blogged on US Message Board about the appeal of copying psychos from popular American horror films. This Leatherface-copycat likes to lure in cops to his lair and then tortures and kills them, dressed up as Leatherface. In my vigilante blogs, I pose myself as a masked ninja of sorts, trying to entice this Leatherface-copycat to consider the modern social value of contrasting villainy with Halloween creativity. I can't fail.

My girlfriend, Alyssa, is a musician and Catholic. I try to keep her completely out of my vigilante activities, lest this Leatherface-copycat decides to stalk her to get to me. Alyssa keeps me sane and reminds me that protecting society from sub-culture freaks like this Leatherface-copycat is my duty as a patriotic Christian-American. Without Alyssa, I'd not have the special social optimism towards drawing in evildoers to end their camouflaged reign of heinous crime. Alyssa is my goddess of psychiatry.

I keep in the apartment I share with Alyssa a special glass crucifix which represents my faith in Jesus and my willingness to use religion as a way to denounce the evil deeds of modern-day psychos. This Leatherface-copycat will not elude my sense of vigilance, and I'll make sure when he's finally caught that he's considered as maniacal as Charles Manson but not worthy of media-celebrity. It's my mission to make sure that a psycho such as the freak I'm pursuing is never hailed as an American prodigy.

Alyssa keeps me stocked with chapstick and Kleenex tissues, so my lips are never cracked and my nose is not runny. I don't want to walk around the city I live in without a professional appearance, because if the Leatherface-copycat comes across my way, I have to be able to confront him as a self-organized American citizen. How else can I contend with such a criminal freak with the sense of spiritual confidence required to present myself as a real-life American superhero? My chapstick/Kleenex becomes my special doctor-poison. Without such boons, I can't feel like an effective genius.

I used to date a hippie-girl named Antha who had these terrific dreadlocks. However, my mom thought she was too radical for my taste, and I soon discovered Antha was unfaithful to me with her ex-boyfriend. This traumatic experience taught me never to judge people by their outward appearances, since despite Antha's liberal visage, she was quite self-serving when it came to being upfront with me about her private daydreams. I have to avoid any kind of civilization temptation if I'm to catch this Leatherface-copycat by showing him that no brand of social vanity justifies American arrogance.

I wear a nifty Casio water-resistant digital-wristwatch. It helps me keep track of the date/time no matter where I am, so I can feel like I'm on-the-go without feeling like I'm confused about my spatio-temporal consciousness. My Casio is as important to me as the chapstick/Kleenex Alyssa gifts me. With these tools and items, I'm ready to confront any terrorist/criminal such as the Leatherface-copycat with a cool confidence towards Christian justice, American patriotism, and of course, social luxury.

I sometimes wear a Mighty Mouse comic-book/cartoon themed black t-shirt to various places I visit in the city. In the odd possibility that I come across the Leatherface-copycat who happens to be walking around the city convincing himself he's a regular fellow, I can show off my Mighty Mouse t-shirt and persuade him to think that there are forms of self-expression that are not necessarily vain, rebellious, or egotistical. This is my mission, you see. I'm a real-life Christian exorcist.

I drive a pink Lamborghini. Yes, it's true. You see, my gorgeous Christian girlfriend Alyssa happens to be the daughter of a billionaire Texas-oilman and presented her with this outstanding vehicle on her 20th birthday. She lets me drive her around in it, and sometimes she lends it to me to drive. I consider this car my special superhero-car when Alyssa lends it to me at nights on weekends so I can prowl the city searching for the Leatherface-copycat. If I see him while I'm driving in Alyssa's special rich-girl car, I'll hop out, pull out my water-gun, and shoot him in the face. When he asks me why I had the courage to do so, I'll just say, "You're under arrest...in the name of Christian disgust!" I can't fail.