Magneto/Phoenix: Capitalism Dossier

An idealist contends with a Machiavellian for control over capitalism daydreams in modern-day America.

Alright, folks, this is it, my final short-story. I know I've kept saying that, but this is absolutely it, and it's an ode to capitalism-dioramas, inspired by the urban-escapism film Heat (perfect for dogma-respectful New Year's resolutions!).

Who says capitalism can't be dogma-cool?

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"My name is Phoenix Wright. I'm an Internet-blogging self-proclaimed 'democracy-defending vigilante.' I dress up with masks and funny costumes and make blogs/posts about modern media intrigue surrounding censorship/pornography. Sometimes I reference ancient mythology avatars such as Medusa (Greek demon-deity of obsession) and Shiva (Hindu god of destruction) that are compatible to my Catholic beliefs! I consider myself a modern-day Thomas Nast. My interest is in populism iconography in modern media (TV, radio, Internet). I'm not a terrorist."

"My rival is the wily civilization fancy-man Magneto. He sits in an ornate red velvet chair and plans how capitalism ambition can be converted into real-life power hierarchies for himself and for those who elevate his status in major U.S. cities such as NY, DC, and LA. Magneto is the ultimate cosmopolitan version of Genghis Khan, and his shrewdness helps him avoid detection as he builds his throne in modern-day Earth as a 'democratic' narcotics operator, with agents in South America, New Zealand, and Hong Kong. Magneto is my ultimate rival, a real capitalist baron and underworld vampire."

"My Internet-blog fans and followers create comics and cartoonish representations of my personage, declaring my work to be neo-classical pro-democratic rhetoric and describing (with color-pencil illustrations!) why an 'American lawyer' such as myself should never be construed as an anti-capitalist terrorist! In fact, my Phoenix Wright avatar has become a cult-favorite video-game world (Marvel vs. Capcom) fighting-avatar for youngsters interested in pitting me in fight-scenarios (complete with power-gems and magic-charms) against civilization tycoons such as the Rasputin-like Magneto. I'm now the ultimate civilization mascot."

"Those who follow the wily Magneto portray him as an aesthetic god. He's stylish in the underworld and undetectable in the civilized world! That's why I chase him around (metaphorically!). Magneto is the Yin to my Yang. He's everything I'm not, and I'm everything he never wanted to be in life. Ironic, right? After all, we're like Sith rivals in some modern-traffic Star Wars oriented folk-tale about the complexity of ambition, social critique, and American pedagoguery. Those who use art to re-cast Magneto like to portray him as a 'splashing' and 'dashing' minister of the seduction of complex urban mysticism. After all, he's a blend of Rasputin, Dracula, and Genghis Khan. Who will win this ideological contest?"

MAGNETO: You're very daring with your loud Internet blogs.

PHOENIX WRIGHT: I try to be a real peaceful upstart!

MAGNETO: What's so valuable to you, my idealistic dude?

PHOENIX WRIGHT: I appreciate the charm of glass-animals and soccer-stamps.
MAGNETO: Soccer stamps?

PHOENIX WRIGHT: Yeah, you know, soccer-printed postage -stamps!

MAGNETO: Are you a fan of the mail system and postmen?

PHOENIX WRIGHT: I appreciate sane postmen who connect the world.

MAGNETO: Right, we all use email these days, right?

PHOENIX WRIGHT: Se sure do; but materialism still makes paper-mail an asset!
MAGNETO: We save paper with email, so where's the eco-brilliance in that?

PHOENIX WRIGHT: Well, to celebrate the marvels of science, we have to honor our past.

MAGNETO: Paper is the past.
PHOENIX WRIGHT: True; but Valentine's Day cards on paper still carry some old-world spirit.

MAGNETO: Alright; so you're a prophet of moderation...and mediation!

PHOENIX WRIGHT: Right; I intend to celebrate the peace-potential of the World Cup.
MAGNETO: World Cup soccer tournaments?

PHOENIX WRIGHT: Why not; don't American kids love soccer video-games?

MAGNETO: Kids play too much video-games, Phoenix Wright.
PHOENIX WRIGHT: Sure; we try to coordinate civilization treasures with network savvy.
MAGNETO: So you believe video-game memorabilia can be savvy, eh?

PHOENIX WRIGHT: Anything resembling a toy is savvy, Magneto!

"Magneto worked in a giant office building, quite impressive, in LA, made entirely (or almost completely entirely) of glass! Sometimes, his employees joked by calling him 'Magneto Glass' (in reference to his dual authority over magnetic power-realm attraction schemes and his work with the fragile world of narcotics!). Well, Magneto Glass was about to get a warm surprise from his old rival, me, Phoenix Wright. This was a class contest, folks, and everyone wanted to see who'd come out on top --- the pirate-like capitalism-baron 'Magneto Glass' ; or the world-worn Internet-blogging skater 'Phoenix Wright' (a modern vigilante!). My target was now Magneto's glass building in LA."

"I decided to break into Magneto's glass office-building dressed as a security-guard (I stole an ID-pass from an employee-guard I got really drunk at a nearby pub!) and stole the $10 million diamonds from Antwerp kept in Magneto's personal office in the building. I substituted his diamonds for my handsome and gorgeous set of cheap but unforgettable glass-animals! I left him a note which suggested that the glass-animal substitutes for his stolen diamonds should motivate him to invest in the celebrity-run eco-activism group the Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation (LDF). I then sent an anonymous notice to the LA Times, 'explaining' that the famous Magneto now intended to feel inspired by his new pedestrian glass-animals and invest in eco-consciousness work as a 'prayer' for his stolen diamonds. Would Magneto be moved by these glass-animals?"

"My wife Mara, a Dutch-American simply loves World Cup soccer. She'd be relieved if I retired from all this vigilantism and just play EA Sports' FIFA-Soccer video-games with our son Amlan. That's her dream, and I intend to help her realize it and have it come true! My mission with Magneto will be completed soon, and I'll retire to Fiji with Mara and my son Amlan and play beach-volleyball and play soccer video-games as the sun goes down. This is the life of a capitalism-defending vigilante, and I don't want Mara to become a proverbial 'dogma' victim."

"So, I've hired a team of bank-robbers to perform all kinds of robberies on fancy banks with money stored from Magneto's giant company and treasury. Each robbery will be followed by a message suggesting that the world-tycoon Magneto is somehow undoubtedly still 'haunted' by the stolen diamonds from his glass office-building in LA and continues to do eco-consciousness work and financing with the LDF (Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation). These bank robberies, performed by the masked buddies I've recruited from the large pool of modern-day Internet liberals, form a unit or team called the Dead Clowns, and they'll feather my Magneto-mission to showcase capitalism as a 'dummy' game."

"My team of robbers, the Dead Clowns, have been tracked by Magneto's insidious mistress-of-hell, a real-life pirate-woman named Kali. She's a pirate, alright. She carries a team of goons and wields a machete and decapitates those who dare to steal from the powerful Magneto. I worry about my Dead Clowns, and I wonder if they can keep eluding the deathly Kali. However, this mission is too important to screw up, and besides, Magneto would be bored without me. Someday, I worry Kali will kill me. That's why I constantly avoid her."

"I used the stolen diamond money to custom-make a number of fine-gold soccer trophies. I'll distribute these trophies to youth-league soccer teams across the USA. Each trophy, made with expensive gold (unknown to the lucky recipients!) will represent why American youngsters require substantial motivation to embrace the values of capitalism and avoid the pitfalls of commercial vanities, those endorsed by the tyrannical Magneto! These gold soccer-trophies will be like my 'angel figurines' confirming the success of my idealistic democratic mission."

"Soccer fans today, especially women, are gorgeous! They cheer on iconic Euro-club and national teams like Juventus and Italy. It's the spirit of these television-photographed fans that remind me of the real value of my work against Magneto. Without the beauty of these fans, I'd forget about the basic logic of this vigilantism-oriented work. What I do, the FBI and the CIA simply can not do! They couldn't stop the anti-capitalism terrorists from destroying the World Trade Center in NYC on 9/11, but I can indeed use my Internet-blogs and offbeat vigilante-work to champion commerce and media as vehicles for real-world daydreams. This is good Christian romance."

"Magneto is apparently a haunting watercolor-artist. In fact, while running a potent empire of the night, he also dabbles in making extraordinarily lovely portraits of mystically beautiful women in blue hair or green eyes! He's a real magician. I try to compete with this underworld mystique Magneto's built by making cartoon-like comic book character doodles designed to make people more lighthearted and less intimidated by Magneto's overwhelmingly decadent art. You see now why he's my only rival?"

MAGNETO: I appreciated your cartoon-doodles in the Post.

PHOENIX WRIGHT: Yes, the Washington Post cares about pedestrian criticisms.
MAGNETO: They published your pencil-doodles of Batman and Talia al Ghul.

PHOENIX WRIGHT: Yes, that doodle depicts the smart Talia guiding the praying Batman.
MAGNETO: Women help men, don't they?

PHOENIX WRIGHT: They sure do, and that doodle was meant to complement your art!

MAGNETO: So now you're competing with my art too?

PHOENIX WRIGHT: Nah; I'm only accenting my own missionary work with everyday American dreams.

MAGNETO: It's clever fighting vanity with street folklore.

PHOENIX WRGHT: That's my job!

MAGNETO: Well, I imagine your depiction of Talia as a 'nurse' will appeal to youth.

PHOENIX WRIGHT: Many kids love those Batman video-games.

MAGNETO: Are you still an advocate of those soccer video-games?

PHOENIX WRIGHT: Sure!

MAGNETO: Well, perhaps someday you and I'll play some soccer video-games.

PHOENIX WRIGHT: Sounds intriguing, Magneto.

MAGNETO: Now go and retire with that lovely wife of yours.
PHOENIX WRIGHT: Right; that sounds like a marvelous machination.

MAGNETO: Stay cool...

PHOENIX WRIGHT: 

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"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto treasure hid in a field; the which when a man hath found, he hideth, and for joy thereof goeth and selleth all that he hath, and buyeth that field" (Matthew 13:44, KJV Bible).