The Sporting Prayer

An American liberal seeks to overcome modern cynicism and use sports to defend democratic dialogue, but will he succeed?

I had the need to offer one more "Christmas soccer prayer" before retiring finally, so I hope my readers/friends will pardon this one final very personal indiscretion.

Merry Christmas (and God bless),

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Ajay Satan was making Internet blogs with him in masks posed as a vigilante next to posters of the Hindu god Shiva, master of destruction. Shiva, though a controversial religious icon in India, was still considered the Hindu version of Zeus (ancient Greek king of gods on the heavenly Mount Olympus or Acropolis!). Ajay believed Shiva was a messenger in mythology relevant to new age discussions about terrorism and anti-capitalism conflicts (e.g., Gulf War). Ajay wanted to use Shiva to talk about the potential threat of terrorism on modern global/world soccer, especially after the US women's national team had won 4 World Cup titles within a relatively very short period of time! Would Ajay succeed?

Ajay talked about Shiva transforming into a Transformers (Hasbro) robot-warrior named Astrotrain, a sharp Machiavellian who could transform into a laser-train as well as a laser-shuttle. As Astrotrain, Shiva would soar around Earth using an invisibility cloak (to avoid radar-detection!) and monitor all World Cup soccer tournaments/games and see if the threat of terrorism created modern world tremors in the world of sports and pedestrian traffic. Ajay wrote, "Shiva adopted Astrotrain to become more immersed in the consciousness of anti-civilization warfare and could therefore roam around and strike with omens and lasers when terrorists tried to sully World Cup soccer games on Earth!"

Soccer was very important to Ajay Satan. He played as a youngster and then with many friends growing up in America and then again with friends in college. He then played with his neighborhood kids as an adult, while conducting his Christian sabbatical (during which he made his liberalism-oriented 'vigilante-themed' masked Shiva posts on the Internet about anti-terrorism dioramas in the modern world) and babysitting kids in the community. Soccer was something Ajay was very good at, and he played in real-life, in video-game media (quite well actually), and he liked to follow men's and women's World Cup games on television. He wanted to apply the theory of peaceful gaming and competition to the evaluation of international customs and nation-exchange in modern media (TV). Soccer could be a Christian godsend in the modern world of terrorism!

Of course, soccer was quite popular in America, but mostly and only at the high-school and collegiate levels (men's and women's!). Pro-soccer still did not gain much momentum among sports-fans in America who preferred the more mainstream/dominant American sports of football and baseball. Even after the US women's national soccer team had won 4 World Cup titles, soccer remained a 'local' activity and not a nationally popular one. You wouldn't see a college soccer championship game broadcast on a Saturday night on a major American TV-network such as ABC. Ajay Satan knew this and approached his use of soccer as a 'peace symbol' carefully, realizing that most Americans didn't really find the game that intriguing yet, for some unknown reason!

Ajay Satan decided to travel to Europe and visited the countries of Portugal and Spain (neighbors!) which had become heavily invested in soccer and successful at soccer in the 21st Century. Portugal and Spain and stars from both countries such as Luis Figo and David Villa had achieved much and attained many honors at the club and international level while playing in Europe! Ajay Satan wanted to get the breadth of Euro-soccer and understand why it simply didn't reach the hearts and minds of most Americans, even Americans casually enjoying widely-accessible sports on the American sports TV-network ESPN! How could soccer become a 'peace symbol' if Americans were not as invested in it as others?

Ajay realized that the predominant realm of pedestrian soccer appeal in America was in video-games! In fact, the Sony PlayStation and Microsoft Xbox sold many many systems to youngsters and consumers interested in purchasing sports-games, and EA Sports FIFA Soccer series of games had become extremely popular in the USA. Perhaps simulating the charm of teamwork and peaceful strategic skill associated with soccer in a video-game appealed more to Americans seeking to find recreational ways to entreat their 'athletic imagination' about fields of teams kicking a ball at a goal/target. Whatever the reason, Ajay Satan knew he'd have to reach the video-game audience to promote soccer as a world symbol of 'peace diarism' (and democracy!).

Terrorism was the greatest bane to modernism and globalization and capitalism itself (e.g., 9/11). If terrorism was not addressed by modern minds as an obstacle to global peace, anti-capitalism terrorists would make it extremely challenging for commerce to create true bridges of trust between conflicting nations and regions such as Israel-Palestine! Ajay Satan knew that to promote soccer as a world symbol of peaceful competition, he'd have to celebrate the popularity of soccer video-games in America so more and more youngsters could think of soccer as a modern activity denouncing the real threat of anti-globalization cynicism.

The fact that fashion-models in Europe were busy showcasing new age styles for swimwear and pajama-wear and lingerie compatible with European fans' love of international soccer only revealed further that soccer remained a collegiate and high-school activity on the playing-field in America! Why wasn't soccer considered as 'cool' as baseball or football in America? Why were American youngsters exposed to the elegance and thrill of soccer only through video-game media? How would Ajay Satan coordinate world soccer interests and its potential to create peace between nations (at the World Cup!) with Americans' continuing relative apathy towards soccer itself? This was a real challenge.

Well, a fanatical American ultra-conservative anti-immigration psychopath, modelling himself after the iconic American horror-film avatar Leatherface (a chainsaw-wielding cannibal) read Ajay Satan's liberal Internet-blogs and decided he was a real danger to American values and began stalking him. Leatherface sent a notice to the Washington Post, declaring he'd continue murdering D.C. cops until Ajay Satan confronted him on a soccer field! Ajay realized he was facing a real American psycho and decided to dress up as a ninja-vigilante photographed and paired alongside a photo of a scene from a Leatherface film and made a new Internet blog about the 'value' of everyday idealism in the modern world of blindness-promoting crime. The 'Leatherface copycat' was so surprised by Ajay's pedestrian labors that he surrendered himself to the D.C. police. Ajay became a national hero!

AJAY SATAN: "I had no idea my blogs would lead to the surrender of the D.C. Leatherface copycat. My interest continues to be a Christian goal to promote soccer as a modern symbol of peace by using mythological characters (such as Shiva and Ares!) to send the message that creative-thinking about democracy can create real sanity! I will continue making soccer-blogs and hoping that World Cup men's and women's soccer will create more imagination about anti-terrorism social activities broadcasted on world television. After all, isn't soccer a form of...dance?"

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"And he said, Whether they be come out for peace, take them alive; or whether they be come out for war, take them alive" (1 Kings 20:18, KJV).