The Soccer Crazy

A soccer star creates all kinds of modern-day intrigue and reminds us that new age social activity is akin to daydreams and insane rituals!

"Pablo Pato had become an international soccer sensation, bringing much fame and glory to the Spanish La Liga club-team Valencia and poising himself to lead Argentina's national team in the upcoming World Cup alongside the country's other prolific scorer-striker, Lionel Messi. Pato was proud to be the Argentine diplomat of a new generation of soccer, and he wanted to make his mother proud of his achievements. However, he had a terrible gambling habit and suffered from kleptomania, which gave him the unnatural desire to daydream about robbing banks! He had to overcome these childish insanities to become Argentina's next phenomenon."

"American TV/film actress and media-personality Lori Loughlin had been following the progress of the club team Valencia, since it had been given much attention in Europe thanks to the play of its recent acquired superstars such as Aimar and David Villa! Loughlin was also following players in Valencia who were connected to Argentina's national team, such as Aimar...and Pablo Pato! She wanted to bring good hype about world soccer to America, since the USA women's national team had won multiple World Cup titles. Loughlin wanted to invite Pablo Pato to America for a special interview about women's sports in Europe and to introduce Pato to the Hollywood (USA) actress Diane Kruger who had become a huge fan of Valencia! Loughlin wanted Pato to appear in some soccer ads on the Hallmark Channel and on ESPN."

"Pato accepted Loughlin's invitation and traveled to America and had a grand time riding around in sports-cars and trying on American's men's fashions in department stores all over California. Pato told Loughlin that America had a special 'consumerism electricity' that you just didn't find in Europe or South America! Pato was also interested in seeing various Hollywood (USA) films about professional sports and famous athletes, so he rented these titles on Netflix and enjoyed watching them on Loughlin's laptop in her California apartment. Loughlin was then preparing Pato to appear in various photo-shoots geared towards bringing European and South American soccer stars to North America to help Americans hype the USA women's national team. Pato had become Loughlin's special calendar boy of world soccer. This was modern-day media popcorn in its quintessential 'caramel' format."

"Pato visited the newly-constructed soccer stadium in L.A. where the US women's national team would hold exhibition games and also invite various soccer stars from around the world to play games with the women's stars on the American team! Pato was the first of these stars, so he played one exhibition game with some of the American women on the US team who were considered superstars. He also eyed the incredible gold soccer trophy on display at the stadium that was going to be awarded to the team who won the women's collegiate national championship which would be held in the stadium! Pato started scratching his hands, however, once again succumbing to his childish insanities and began fantasizing about stealing the trophy, which was specially-embossed in layers of pure and high-quality gold."

"Pato was introduced to American actress Diane Kruger by Lori Loughlin, since Kruger was doing a special article in the New Yorker about the global impact of the popularity of the US women's national team on the international stage and whether or not it drew the interest if male soccer superstars such as Lionel Messi, David Beckham, and Pablo Pato himself. Pato was instantly drawn to Kruger's sense of soccer interest and the two began dating. They became a hot couple, and Loughlin wanted to feature them in a new Maxim article about American women meeting European athletes to help promote women's sports in America and around the globe. The article would help draw in more celebrity athletes from places like Europe so the US women's national soccer team could be hyped as a modern-day international trumpet! Kruger was also falling in love with Pablo Pato."

"Pato was told by Loughlin that celebrity Leo DiCaprio was invited to one of the women's exhibition games in the newly-built L.A. stadium and that Leo would talk about the incredible gold-embossed trophy presented during the Halftime Show to remind people of the upcoming women's collegiate soccer national championship/tournament, to be held in the stadium. This is when Pato couldn't hold off his urges anymore to indulge in his terrible kleptomania and plotted a devious way to steal the high-quality gold soccer trophy and then have it melted down and reshaped into gold coins he intended to take back with him to Europe, to spend on a fancy new Lamborghini! Pato intended to use Leo DiCaprio in a funny stadium distraction so he could steal the trophy. Pato was willing to put DiCaprio in a 'television matrix' to create a true modern-day spectacle."

"So the plan was to have some doctors (psychiatrists) from a local hospital visit the game and stand alongside Pato and DiCaprio during the presentation of the high-quality gold trophy during the Halftime Show and have the doctors talk about the nature of treasure and fortune on the American psyche. Then, Pato would then pretend to do a mock-theft (on camera!) and grab the trophy and run into the locker-room with it, while the psychiatrists said, 'See how this lunatic is exhibiting some of the outward behaviors of bizarre obsession representative of modern-day hysteria?' Then,  Pato would switch the gold trophy with a fake replica he had made prior to the game and hid in the locker-room. After the game, Pato would transport the actual gold trophy in a duffel-bag and then fly it back to Europe with him. The psychiatrists from the hospital Pato recruited for this 'instructional televised satyre' were considered real media allies."

"Pato flew the gold back to Europe with him and used some of it buy a Lamborghini and some of it to buy awesome green miniature emeralds which he sent to his new girlfriend-actress Diane Kruger. He told Kruger he'd return to America after he helped Argentina win the World Cup. Kruger was participating in the women's collegiate soccer championship/tournament in the stadium from which Pato stole the gold trophy, and no one knew what had happened whatsoever. Pato would never tell Kruger of his bizarre deed and why he did it; he himself simply believed he needed to finally do something truly 'outrageous' to finally exorcise his personal 'fortune-demons' regarding the urge to steal and hide great civilization treasures! Would Kruger be romanticized by Pato's bizarre brand of capital delight?"

"When Pato returned to Europe and began preparing for the World Cup for Argentina, he saw a news-story about a deranged Spanish maniac who was pretending to be an American horror-film character, dressing up like the madman and killing hostage cops! Pato decided to become a masked 'ninja-vigilante' named Goldie and began tracking this psycho-copycat who called himself Leatherface. He tracked Leatherface to an abandoned warehouse and sedated him with tranquilizer-darts and turned him over to the police. When Pato became a national hero, he told the press, 'I did what I did to celebrate the real notion that modern civilization requires real creativity. I'm so proud of what I helped the police do, and thank goodness Leatherface is finally incarcerated so we can prepare for the upcoming World Cup on television!"

"Pato had performed a bizarre and basically forgettable heist and then turned around and became a vigilante and helped police apprehend a real maniac. He continued corresponding with American actress Diane Kruger and helped her to continue hyping the spotlighting of the US women's national soccer team! He met Kruger at the Virgin Islands and began painting portraits of mermaids with her. When Kruger asked him what he thought about media and modern-day sports, celebrity, and general social fanfare, he told her that media was like weather and created outrageous daydreams about unusual energy. He mostly wanted to sit on the beach and look out for mermaids, real ones, who might bathe on the seashore rocks, so he could celebrate a new kind of sensuality with his American girlfriend Diane Kruger."

KRUGER: Sometimes, I think you're really nuts!

PATO: I know my imagination is unusual, but I love you.

KRUGER: Well, you should be more careful about your enthusiasm.
PATO: Hey, modern media is all about engaging the audience.

KRUGER: Well, you don't want to become some kind of lunatic.
PATO: I know that; I just want to play soccer, Diane.

KRUGER: Pablo, I'm sure you'll help Argentina win the World Cup.
PATO: Well, I also want to celebrate afterwards on the beach...with you!

KRUGER: I'm psyched for more women's soccer spotlighting activity.
PATO: I'll be delighted to continue to help you with that stuff, sweetie.
KRUGER: Sometimes I get the eerie feeling you're some kind of bandit!
PATO: I assure you, my dear, I'm not a pirate.
KRUGER: Well, sometimes you sure give the impression you're a real pirate.
PATO: Cool; well watch that pirate-film together sometime (the one with Johnny Depp).
KRUGER: Right; Pirates of the Caribbean; fun stories.
PATO: I'm converting to Christianity, Diane.

KRUGER: Good for you, honey; that sounds very mature!

PATO: Man, the modern world is so darn...delicious.

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