Countdown

Countdown

Following my ritual from childhood, I open the Countdown app on my phone as soon as I get up. Today it is exactly eight months. I groan inwardly, but mostly out of habit; I’ve accepted my fate, after all, there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I continue getting ready for the day, shower, clothes, breakfast, until the number is at the back of my mind.

“Bye Mom!” I call out to my mom who is busy doing something in the kitchen, and I head out the door. My house is really close to the school, so I stopped taking the bus in middle school, and I’ve walked to school ever since. Even though I have a license and a car now I haven’t really thought of getting a parking pass and driving to school. Possibly, it’s because the time in the morning before school and afternoon after school is some of the only time I have alone to myself.

Walking into the school - an old, red-rust brick colored building with a been-here-since-the-dawn-of-time feel - my friend Liz catches up with me saying, “Hey, Hannah, guess what?”

“Hey, what?” I greet her, my mood lightening as it always does when Liz or any of my other close friends are around.

“Eight months.” She singsongs to me. “Can you believe it? Finally we’re almost out of here!” She gestured around the hallway.

She was referring to graduation which was exactly eight months from today. I smiled, then said, “I know I can’t wait.”

Then, the bell rang, and Liz had to go to her class and I had to go to mine. Walking to class, I thought I spotted someone, but that would be impossible. Still, I glance around the crowded hallway once more before giving up and heading off to my next hour.

I met up with Liz and my other friends at lunch, and we were walking towards our usual table when I saw that impossible face again; it was her. I stopped walking. The girl I just saw didn’t go to school here, or was it possible that we had gotten a new student? That rarely happens here, we’re a small school in the middle of nowheresville.

The new girl was my childhood friend, but it was more significant than just that - and yes I know how cheesy this sounds - she was my first love. The love you never forget. That’s why it’s impossible that she’s here. There’s no way that fate or God or whoever would torture me - even more - by sending my first love to my school in these last eight dreaded months.

“Hey, Hannah, what are you doing come on?” Liz realized that I had stopped, and came back, smiling, to playfully drag me to our table. She thought I was joking or something, just stopping in the middle of the cafeteria, she had no idea my entire world was just flipped around for the second time.

***

“Good afternoon, today we have a new student, her name is Emily,” my biology teacher sighed, “and please don’t make a big deal about this we are here to learn, ladies and gentlemen.” At this, he looked sternly at all of us. He was not one for making a big deal out of anything, and it didn’t help that he was the kind of teacher that hated talking during class, texting during class, anything-but-school-related-activities during class.

Emily walked shyly over to my table, and glanced up at me through her blonde hair, “Do you mind if I sit here?” She asked me, smiling. How could I say no to that?

“Sure.” I said, then scooted over slightly, so she would have room to sit down at our lab table.

The rest of the class was uneventful until the teacher announced that we would be starting our final project tomorrow and that we would have to work in pairs. I always hated trying to find a partner in classes like these where I really didn’t know anywhat. It was even more awkward since Emily was back, and I didn’t know if she’d want to be my partner, or if she just needed a place to sit.

The bell rang, interrupting my anxiety-stirring thoughts, and Emily looked over at me and suddenly asked, “Hey, will you be my partner?”

Shocked, I said I would, then she told me to text her later and we could start brainstorming ideas for our project. She left the room after saying, “Maybe we could meet up over the weekend to work on it too.”

***

The next weekend, Emily texted me asking if I wanted to meet up at the local cafe to continue working on our project, I replied of course, so here I was walking into the cafe to meet up with Emily again for what really felt like a date. I had gotten over my speechless disbelief that Emily was back in my life, and now I was just going with it, ignoring the ticking time bomb (7 months 27 days now) strapped to my chest.

Surprisingly we did get a lot of work done, but we also had a great time. It’s one of the things I love about Emily; you get a lot of work done, but it really doesn’t feel like it. It was almost noon, and my mom was incessantly texting me asking if I would babysit my little sister, so she could go out with her friends.

Emily noticed my mood as I read my mother’s texts, “What’s wrong?”

“My mother.” I sighed. “She needs me to come home, so she can go hang out with her friends.”

“Tell her you’re doing schoolwork.” Emily suggested simply. “And besides I thought we had plans to hang out later.” She winked, Emily was being Emily, she knew that I didn’t want to be at home, and she was giving me every excuse not to. “Please?” She added, so I could feel like I was doing something for her, even though she was doing me the biggest favor.

“Okay.” I smiled pure joy, looking down at my phone.

***

Ever since the day that Emily gave me a day off from my mom, we’ve been inseparable ever since. We weren’t using labels, but it felt like we were back the way we were before we broke up. Yet each day that passed I felt guiltier and guiltier for not confessing to her what was going to happen in now just seven months.

“You okay?” Emily looked at me with her piercing blue eyes as she sipped her coffee. We were at the little cafe where we first started working on our project, and since I was around Emily I should be happy, but I had been mulling over what I was keeping from her, I guess you could say it was darkening my mood.

“Can we talk at your house” I didn’t even think about the words before they were out of my mouth. I didn’t even realize that I was planning on telling her.

“Sure.” She replied quickly, then picked up her things, “Let’s go.”

Emily’s house was just five minutes from the cafe, so before I realized it we were sitting in her room, and she was looking at me expectantly.

“Okay, so just don’t call me crazy.” The words tumbled out of my mouth, but they were useless. When I told her what I knew what was coming in just three short months now, I knew she’d call me insane, how could she not?

She nodded, so I continued. “So when I was little, you know I got sick a lot, so my mom took me to the doctors.”

“Yeah I remember, you seemed to be at the doctors every day I wanted to hang out with you.” She teased my trying to lighten the mood, I could tell that my speaking of my childhood sicknesses had gotten her worried, and she was trying to cope.

“Yeah, well, what I didn’t tell you was that we actually did get a diagnosis from the doctor.” I trailed off. “Em,” My voice cracked and I couldn’t go on but I knew I had to.

“Han, it’s fine, you don’t have to tell me.” Her voice was shaking ever so slightly.

“No I do.” Quickly, I wiped away a tear with the back of my hand. “Em, I have a terminal illness. And it just so happens that graduation day is my death day.”

The silence could have been cut with a knife.

“How?” She could only choke out that single word.

“Cancer.” I said, but that answer didn’t seem to do it justice for some strange reason. “And due to this new technology they have they were actually able to see how long I had left.” Again I trailed off and again silence filled the room.

A few more moments passed before Emily’s face changed, “We’re going to find a cure.” She stated simply, and somehow - maybe it was the way that she said it - I believed her.

***

With a single month to go, I was losing hope, but Em remained ever optimistic, and I honestly had no clue how she could be so optimistic. Ever since Emily said that we would find a cure, we have been pouring over all sorts of books, educational websites, controversy theory websites, and even websites that claimed they would grant a wish.

It was a Friday, but instead of spending my final days as I had always thought I would, I’m sitting, staring at this website that internally I know will not have a mythical cure for my unforgiving cancer.

“Hannah.” Emily’s voice sounded strange, like she had just discovered something, but she didn’t really know what to think, say, or do. It freaked me out.

“What?” I asked, my nerves from her weird tone made me sound like I was snapping at her.

“Look at this.” Again, with the strange voice.

I walked over to her to see what could possibly have her acting so strange. As soon as I got over next to her where I could read over her shoulder, she started reading out loud.

“While most professionals deny the existence of Purity, we know the truth. There is a cure for cancer, but the medical field just wants to keep draining money from poor cancer patients. Purity is a rare substance that can and will cure all forms of substance. We can’t explain scientifically that it works, but we can show reviews of previous cancer patients that were given short life expectancies that are now living today.”

I stopped her. “Emily, come on, it’s just a scam, we’ve been through millions of these already.”

“Yeah, I thought so too, but look at this.” She scrolled down and started showing me the “reviews” from “cancer patients”.

“Em, anyone can make up a name and look on Google images for a face.”

“Yeah, I know.” She sounded annoyed with me, like there was something so blatant and I was just a child who couldn’t understand it. “Look.” She pointed towards a name that made me gasp and grab the computer, so I could see it for myself.

“Elizabeth Reed…”

“Yeah.” She said.

Elizabeth Reed was one of our close friends from childhood who was diagnosed with cancer - she was one of the reasons why I never told anyone about my diagnosis, I didn’t want my final days to be filled with pity like Elizabeth’s were.

“She died.” I said stupidly. “There’s no way that’s her.”

“One way to find out.” Emily grabbed her jacket, keys, and emergency bag - packed in case there was ever something like this where we would have to leave on a moment’s notice.

“We don’t even know where she lives.”

“Don’t you remember the one place that Elizabeth always talked about that she wanted to visit? Where would you go if you had to hide from your family that thought you were dead? You would go to the one place where they would never go because that place would always remind them of her.”

“Florida.” I said, almost laughing from the ludicrosity of her idea. “You want us to go to Disney?”

“Where else would you want to spend your-” She stopped herself, and I suddenly realized that maybe she wasn’t so optimistic. “Well, I know I’ve always wanted to go to Disney, let’s do it.”

“What about money?” I asked, we live in Missouri, it would be expensive just to get down there.

“My savings.” Emily mumbled.

“No. No way.” I said. I’m not letting you spend your savings on me for something that might not even exist. Did the website even say how to get Purity?” I made air quotes around the name of the miracle drug or whatever it was.

“They said, if you need it, you’ll find it when you believe.”

I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t. Instead, I just grabbed my own emergency bag, and said, “Let’s go.”

***

When we met with Elizabeth she told us the only place we could find Purity is in these spelunking caves in a small town near Orlando. Immediately, Emily and I were off to go deep diving in a cave to find this mysterious substance. After all, tomorrow was graduation and it was already eight o’clock.

“We’re going to find it. Don’t worry. It’ll be there. We’re almost there.” Emily was frantic. She had been talking half to herself like this for the past few days. She knew we were running out of time, but also knew that we couldn’t do anything about it.

After speeding down the highway and following a long, dusty, abandoned, dirt road, we arrived at the cave. It was ominous. Just moments after walking into the caves and you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face. Emily and I held hands, startling at every movement and sound.

An eternity of walking, one hand in Emily’s and one hand feeling the empty air in front of me, so I didn’t run into a wall, we saw the promise of light far away in the caves.

“C’mon Hannah it’s gotta be down there!” She took off, running, and dragging me with her. “This is what she was talking about!”

I ran, glancing frantically at my watch as I did so. We had 2 minutes left.

“It’s here!” Emily screamed, she was half a minute ahead of me and she had just entered into the room that was filled with light.

The cave walls blurred at the edges of my vision as I ran, pushing myself harder and harder.

I grasped the bottle filled with some sort of pink, glowing liquid that Em was holding out to me.

“I can’t open it!” I screamed. The cure was here. In my hands. And I couldn’t open the bottle.

Thirty seconds, twenty, ten. I finally got the bottle open, tried to push it towards my mouth, but before I could drink it, I fell to the ground. My heart broke literally and figuratively at I stared into the eyes of the first and last person that I ever loved and will love.