Dear Prospective Employer

confessionalist dark humor piece on job interviews.

i.

You will see this on the internet,
in a blog,
or in a chapbook somewhere
I'm sure

Under the pen name of Abigail Beaudelle
(Which I will tell you in an interview).

You will probably read this poem,
as well you should,
along with many others,

about being bisexual
about self-mutilation
about vampirism
about cannabalism
about birth defects
about illnesses
about being a liar
about menstruating
about poetry
about sex
about vomiting
about corndogs
about piercings
about hermaphrodites
about transvestites
about amputation
about tilt-o-whirls
about love

And I hope you realize I mean all of it.


ii.

Dear Prospective Employer
I am several times over not a virgin.

Dear Prospective Employer
my ribs are sunken in.

Dear Prospective Employer
I have been touched by God
and I will need to have Sundays off
because I think I am a Christian.

Dear Prospective Employer
I have left many small pets
and house plants
to die of neglect.

Dear Prospective Employer
I have never touched drugs
or alcohol
but I want desperately to smoke
clove cigarettes and thin, fancy cigars.

Dear Prospective Employer
I don't like people much.
I have two friends.
I don't drive.

Dear Prospective Employer
I think I have an IQ of over 150.
I'm a terrible student and
I have trouble finishing assignments.

Dear Prospective Employer
I kind of want to be a crossdresser.
I buy my clothes at Goodwill.
Sometimes I don't brush my teeth.


iii.

Dear Prospective Employer
I'm sorry,
and I'm hoping

that you employ poets.

 

Author's Note

critique - encouraged; comments - open

Reviews

[Carron]

I cant stop smiling after reading that.

[Silvario]

mmm... corndogs...
an interesting little poem. "dear prospective employer'. im not too much of a poetry guy and havnt seen one quite like this before. i really liked it tho. im a fan of writings which provide perspective on reality and this did just that. well done. :)

[LisetteCanWrite!]

I like this.. have to have some fun with working life and humour rolled into one.. it's the truth though.. we do our best during interviews to tell them what we want and not who we are as people.. you should read my poem ... Employee 229.. you'll get a laugh out of that.. I write on all levels. Keep up the work.. writing is release and many find similarities in the writings of others ... thank you for sharing!