Lost

A Poem by Abida~

A girl...

Away from them,

drowned by her perceptions,

To no avail she turns away her back on them.

She craves for nowt for she's lost everything to reckon upon,

No one by her side,

Nobody knows her pain,

She knows.

Being alone conceivably might keep her sane enough,

When she's lost away in the oblivion,

Only then she realizes,

She's indeed lone,

None to be seen but darkness so numb.

Now she's got no one to turn to,

Pained cries echoed through her barricades,

No faces or faults through the pits of silence tumbling soar.

© 2024 Abida~

Author's Note

I don't know why I wrote it exactly, but it is about a girl who is just lost.
What do you think about it?

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register

Reviews

JayG

• I don't know why I wrote it exactly, but it is about a girl who is just lost.

Context is the single most important thing in writing, because without it the reader has only words in a row, meaning unknown. And, a critical tool in ensuring that is doing your editing from the chair of a reader, who lacks context that you don't provide.

When you read this piece you begin reading it with full context context. And your understanding is guided by your intent. But, context must be provided, and intent doesn't make the page. So, pit your own pre-knowledge aside and look at this as your reader must:

• Away from them,

Them? Here is where you lose the reader, because for a reader "them" could refer to: the kids; the family.; the co-workers; the fans; the... In other words, it's meaningless as read. And, we cannot retroactively remove a reader's confusion.

• drowned by her perceptions,

I give up. Who's "her?" Mom? The boss? Mother nature? The possibilities are endless for the reader, specific for you.

• To no avail she turns away her back on them.

Is that figuratively, or literally? You know. The "she" knows. The "them" know. The reader? Not-a-clue.

You're presenting this using the nonfiction reporting skills we're given in school, and that's getting in the way, because it's a dispassionate, "Let me tell you," approach that doesn't work in a medium where the goal is to entertain.

They've been refining the skills of poetry for centuries, so take advantage of that. As Wilson Mizner put it: “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.” So, research. 😆

A great starting point is Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook, which you can read or download on the site linked to below:
https://www.docdroid.net/7iE8fIJ/a-poetry-handbook-pdfdrivecom-pdf

It's filled with little gems, like why we sometimes use the word rock, and at others, stone, for the same thing.

Juat keep in mind that what I've said has nothing to do with your talent, or how well you write. So, hang in there, and keep on writing

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

---------
“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

Posted 5 Months Ago

• I don't know why I wrote it exactly, but it is about a girl who is just lost.

Context is the single most important thing in writing, because without it the reader has only words in a row, meaning unknown. And, a critical tool in ensuring that is doing your editing from the chair of a reader, who lacks context that you don't provide.

When you read this piece you begin reading it with full context context. And your understanding is guided by your intent. But, context must be provided, and intent doesn't make the page. So, pit your own pre-knowledge aside and look at this as your reader must:

• Away from them,

Them? Here is where you lose the reader, because for a reader "them" could refer to: the kids; the family.; the co-workers; the fans; the... In other words, it's meaningless as read. And, we cannot retroactively remove a reader's confusion.

• drowned by her perceptions,

I give up. Who's "her?" Mom? The boss? Mother nature? The possibilities are endless for the reader, specific for you.

• To no avail she turns away her back on them.

Is that figuratively, or literally? You know. The "she" knows. The "them" know. The reader? Not-a-clue.

You're presenting this using the nonfiction reporting skills we're given in school, and that's getting in the way, because it's a dispassionate, "Let me tell you," approach that doesn't work in a medium where the goal is to entertain.

They've been refining the skills of poetry for centuries, so take advantage of that. As Wilson Mizner put it: “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.” So, research. 😆

A great starting point is Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook, which you can read or download on the site linked to below:
https://www.docdroid.net/7iE8fIJ/a-poetry-handbook-pdfdrivecom-pdf

It's filled with little gems, like why we sometimes use the word rock, and at others, stone, for the same thing.

Juat keep in mind that what I've said has nothing to do with your talent, or how well you write. So, hang in there, and keep on writing

Jay Greenstein
Articles:  https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos:  https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

---------
“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

Rating /100