Aimee's Rose

In a small town two girls meet and sparks fly. Note: Contains femslash. If you don't like, don't read.

Aimee's Rose

 

 

Golden light flickered in from the window of the town's only restaurant known by all the locals as Sakura's Diner. Locals were dining in what seemed to outsiders to be random clusters at random intervals, but in a town this small this wasn't the case at all for everyone here new each other and everyone's stories. Most of the locals seemed to relish in this fact for crime here was almost unheard of due to the fact that your chances of getting caught in a town this small were phenomenal. Yet, a few residents seemed to loath the small town for in a small town you'll always have gossip, and people will always spread stories of things they don't yet understand.

 

Cami Yoser was just one of very few who loathed the town, and all the inhabitants who dared call her a heathen, lesbo, or un-natural. To most strangers she was one of the prettiest girls around with flirty brown hair kept in a lose bun that she wore under her cute purple beret styled hat. Cami's facial features were almost flawless, and seemed to glow with such any beauty that any guy or girl who was even remotely like Cami had to practically stop themselves from fainting every time they saw her. Her blue/green eyes were another story for they seemed to be the eyes of a goddess, and the way her lashes formed around them just made her all the more combustible. She even had amazingly full flirtatious lips that were sexy no matter what color lipstick she decided to wear that day. To top her look off she had a nose piercing that seemed to tell the world that not only was she hot, but that she seemed to be a bit bad a**, which in all honesty she kind of was and her punk/Goth style seemed to prove just that.

 

Lizzie Strider was just another of the few who didn't care for the small town of Aimee's Rose where she lived. Their town was a small town that consisted of less than 300 people all cramped into the cold, brutal wilderness of Borrow, Alaska. She was perhaps the hottest girl in the town with flirtatious layered medium length platinum blond hair and to die for sky-blue eyes. She also had a very feminine build and she also looked good with any lipstick, but when she put on red lip stick with her blond hair, blue eyes, and pale complexion she went from hot to combustible. All the guys seemed to follow her around everywhere, but Lizzie didn't pay attention to most of them. Why? Because she was bisexual, and she preferred girls to boys for girls were colorful, exotic, and beyond beautiful with their makeup on or off. Not only that but doing 'it' was better with girls for they tasted way better than boys. Kissing them was even better to for girls kisses were more flavorful than with the boys. Lots of boys dated her, but none of them seemed to be the 'one' until Cami Yoser showed up at her table unannounced in the local Aimee Rose High School.

 

"Hey. Do you mind if I sit here? I usually don't have a place to sit, despite my good looks due to the fact that a lot of people tease me cause I'm not straight, you know? And I really have a feeling you are not completely um…straight either. Okay…man now I'm being dumb, awkward, and stupid by asking you this. Man I am so stupid sometimes."

 

The girl muttered awkwardly before Lizzie placed a well-manicured hand on Cami's shoulder.

 

"Sit. No, you are not being stupid. No one's asked me that before I just pretend to be straight so no one else knows. And, yeah, I'm bi. I like girls and boys, though I kind of prefer girls. You're very pretty, you know?"

 

Lizzie smiled as she said that, looking straight at Cami's amazing eyes and Cami's eyes lit up as Lizzie told her that.

 

"Thanks…so are… you."

 

Cami stumbled on the words as she hid her blushing cheeks. Lizzie sighed and brushed away some of Cami's stray brown hair from her eyes, and then she moved away for the urge to kiss Cami was strong and she couldn't let the rest of the school no she was bi. She had only ever had a relationship with one girl in sixth grade, but that was at Cheerleading summer camp in the sixth grade. So the two finished their lunches while listening to each other talk, and when the bell rang and they had to leave each other they both anticipated seeing each other at Cami's house after school.

 

Soon the school day ended, and Lizzie showed up at Cami's house. The two then walked to Cami's hideout in the woods behind the park that were mostly hidden from the townsfolk. Their under the cover of the green sea of tree tops and with the leafy terrain riddled with leaves, ferns, sticks, and other nature like things was where they kissed. A long sweet kiss riddled with mystery and awe, and an unspoken promise to come back to their hiding place the very next day, the day after that, and perhaps even every day for the rest of their lives.

Author's Note

Is it good for a short story? Are the characters believable? How about grammar, spelling? Is it enjoyable?

Reviews

[Aaron Browder]

This a good story. It's very... enticing. :)

I think in general you don't use enough commas. This is especially a problem when using "for" as a transition, such as in the passage "but in a town this small this wasn't the case at all for everyone here new each other and everyone's stories." It's hard to say because there aren't really well-defined rules for this kind of thing, but carefully reading professional works can help you hone the skill.

I thought there was too much description of the main character and not enough action, which could be in the form of anecdotes. Anecdotes will almost always paint a much better picture than description.

The meeting of the girls didn't seem realistic to me. I know you were trying to get right into the good stuff without wasting time, but I have a hard time believing that two young, shy girls who are strangers could become so familiar and open so quickly. Perhaps they could be forced together by some outside influence, such as one of them being teased in public for being homosexual.

Thanks for sharing!

[lishy]

Great story really wanted more. What hardships they encounter in Lew of this new friendship.

[lishy]

Awe. How sweet!! Its a realistic story very believable. I like the coyness of the beautiful girl. Everyone feels that awkward moment once in their lives.