Rainman

Its a simple poem/song which I made up. It's about a guy who is looking for a place to live to avoid the rain(hence the name " Rainman "). So when he finds this town where he sees many beautiful things, he is tempted to go there, but then he does'nt know

                   Rainman    

Rainman!! don't you come in here,
Rainman!! stay away from this hole.
I said, Rainman go away from here,
it's a tortuos place full of old-tired souls.

Rainman!! don't you go in there,
Rainman!! don't you dare to do so,
Rainman!! They will eat you up,
These cankers of flesh-eating souls.
 
Rainman!! come out of there,
I said,Rainman!! run for your life,
I said,Rainman!! come out of the strife,
come out, come out, while you have the might.

They look so pretty don't they ,
But they will eat you up alive,
They will take everything you got,
And will leave you half-dead to survive,
 
'Cuz they ain't gonna leave you,
'Cuz they will take your soul,
'Cuz they will break you into pieces,
and leave your heart, so cold.

And you will be sorry,
'Cuz you didn't listen to me,
And you'll be scared up,
'Cuz they are gonna carve you up nicely.

So Rainman!! get out of there,
get out, so that you can shout,
so that you can cry,call for help!


And don't ever come back this way,
'Cuz I might not be there to say," Stay away"
of this forbidden place,
of this devil's own playground,
'Cuz I might not be there to help you out.
GET OUT!!         

Author's Note

If anyone reads this then please leave your review which would be highly appreciated. Also tell me where I lack at or what do you think are my strong points.

Reviews

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is surely good, something very beautifully written and so honestly indeed.
The way you narrated the entire situation is definitely flawless.
But I have one thing to ask that is this a poem or a song lyric? because, you mentioned in the description that its both I guess....
But I think that it will make a better song lyric rather than a poem...because if I needs to judge it as a song lyric , it is just perfect...but as poetry, I think the visualization was lacking in few places :)
Overall, great work :)

[Kevin Andros]

This is a very beautiful composition and can has the potential to be transformed in a wonderful song. The rhymes are apparant, wonderful & perfect. I have a curosity about the person who is talking to the rainman though, as he's both cussing and admiring the rain 'man'.

But this is a beautiful composition and keep writing. and WELCOME TO THE CAFE!

Best,
~KA~