ROBOT BOYFRIEND (INCOMPLETE)

A mysterious new guy in town does whatever his evil girlfriend commands. Never to be finished.

INT KAYLA'S ROOM-DAY

KAYLA and HARRY laugh obnoxiously in KAYLA's room. KAYLA is your average, spoiled, high school girl and HARRY is the typical "gay best friend."

KAYLA

He looks awful in whatever he wears!

HARRY

I know!

KAYLA

And he never wears anything yellow.

HARRY

What? Crazy!

KAYLA

I know right!

HARRY

(As the laughing dies down.) I hate all those ugly nerds at our school.

KAYLA

Oh, me too. I see them everyday when I go outside. They all live in the awful neighborhood.

HARRY

Remember that one big guy that would beat up all the little nerds that were out there? That was fun to watch whatever happened to that guy?

KAYLA

I don't know... Say, Harry, have I introduced you to my new boyfriend?

HARRY

What!? You're not allowed to have a new boyfriend without telling me first! If you're ever about to get with a new guy I should always be the first to know.

KAYLA

Well, this guy is special.

HARRY

How?

KAYLA

You know how my dorky dad works at that company?

HARRY

Yeah. Don't they like make machines and stuff?

KAYLA

Yeah he's such a dweeb. Anyway his company started making a new product and I got the first one!

HARRY

What does that have to do with your boyfriend?

KAYLA pulls a remote out of her pocket and pushes a button which emits a loud beep. ROBO-GUY walks into the room slowly, he stops at the door.

HARRY

Wow.

KAYLA

Robo-Guy, say hello to Harry.

ROBO-GUY

Hellooo.

KAYLA

Isn't he great?

HARRY

He's amazing! What does he do?

KAYLA

(Smiles evilly.) Let's take him for a walk.

EXT NEIGHBORHOOD-DAY

HARRY and KAYLA walk with ROBO-GUY a little ahead of them.

HARRY

(Whines.) What are we doing out here? I wanna go back inside..

KAYLA

(Points.) There's one!

HARRY

There's what-

KAYLA

Sshhhh!

We see a small NERD drawing on the street with some sidewalk CHALK.

KAYLA

Watch this.

KAYLA takes out her REMOTE and pushes several buttons. The NERD continues to draw as ROBO-GUY's ominous shadow looms over him. He stops and looks up, obviously terrified. He offers ROBO-GUY his CHALK after a beat. The ROBO-GUY looks at it and kicks it out of his hand. He pushes the NERD down onto his back and pins him down with one hand. He kneels down next to the NERD.

ROBO-GUY

You ever had a hurt do-nut?

NERD

N-no!

ROBO-GUY twists the NERD's nose until his face turns red and he screams.

ROBO-GUY

Hurts, don't it?

The NERD struggles to get free from under ROBO-GUY's hand, but he is not strong enough. The ROBO-GUY rolls him over and gives him a WEDGIE, pulling his underwear up over his head.

HARRY and KAYLA laugh sadistically as the NERD runs away with his underwear pulled up over his head.

MONTAGE-EXT NEIGHBORHOOD-DAY

HARRY and KAYLA follow the ROBO-GUY around, laughing mercilessly, as he distributes noogies and other forms of torture to several other little NERDS, and takes their lunch MONEY.

EXT NEIGHBORHOOD-DAY

The MONTAGE ends and we see young hipster, ETHAN, sitting on the sidewalk listening to music through large headphones and reading a COMIC BOOK. He nods slightly to the music when a small hand comes from OC and taps him on the shoulder. He looks back to see the first NERD the ROBO-GUY tortured.

ETHAN

(Takes off HEADPHONES.) What's up?

NERD

You better go, Ethan! This big mean dude has been going around stealing people's lunch money all day.

ETHAN

What? I thought Eli and I taught that guy a lesson when we threatened to drop his dog off a roof last Summer.

NERD

It's not him it's a new guy, and he's even worse!

HARRY, KAYLA, and the ROBO-GUY walk down the sidewalk menacingly towards ETHAN and the NERD.

NERD

There he is! Run! (The NERD runs away.)

ETHAN

(As the three friends approach.) What's up, Kayla?

KAYLA

Ugh. That weirdo.

KAYLA pushes a button on her REMOTE. ROBO-GUY slowly starts walking towards ETHAN who, foolishly, is unafraid.

ETHAN

Hey, listen here, bub-

ETHAN puts a hand on ROBO-GUY's shoulder. ROBO-GUY grips his hand in a bone crushing grasp that makes ETHAN cry out in pain. ROBO-GUY squeezes harder and ETHAN retaliates with a wild punch to his chest. A loud, metallic CLANG is heard and ETHAN stares at ROBO-GUY incredulously. ROBO-GUY continues to crush ETHAN's hand and he screams even louder.

KAYLA watches on, amused, as ROBO-GUY hurts ETHAN. HARRY looks between them anxiously.

HARRY

Uhh. Kayla? I think that's enough!

KAYLA slowly looks over at HARRY and presses another button on her REMOTE. ROBO-GUY lets go of ETHAN's hand. ETHAN stumbles back. He looks from the ROBO-GUY to KAYLA and back again. He then runs away, leaving the three alone.

HARRY

I don't think you should have let Robo-guy hurt that dork so much.

KAYLA

He's my boyfriend. I can make him hurt whoever I want, and I can make it as painful as I want it to be.

She raises her REMOTE and presses a button. SHe puts on dark SUNGLASSES and walks away. The ROBO-GUY follows her, leaving HARRY alone, looking scared.

EXT ELI'S HOUSE-DAY

ELI the STONER sits on his front porch, softly strumming his GUITAR, when ETHAN walks up.

ELI

What's up.

ETHAN

We got a problem, dude.

ELI

What's up?

ETHAN

There's a new bully d****e in the neighborhood.

ELI

I thought I heard some commotion awhile ago.

ETHAN

It was the screams of innocent little kids being beaten up by a leather-clad jerk who's big enough to pick on anyone he wants to.

ELI

What other information you got on this guy?

ETHAN

Remember that girl that I asked to the dance in 7th grade and she rejected me and embarrassed me in the hallway?

ELI

Heh heh, Yeah.

ETHAN

It's her boyfriend.

ELI

Oh, so that's why you hate him so much.

ETHAN

Shut up, man! I hate him because he almost broke my hand while she stood there and laughed!

ELI

Well, she always was kind of a rich... bad person.

ETHAN

And she's committed so many crimes against us...

ELI

You know what this calls for?

ETHAN

What?

ELI

We must prepare a strike! Tonight!

ETHAN

You know what, Eli? ... That's a good idea!

The two bros stand.

ELI

But first...

ELI jams on his GUITAR and ETHAN dances.

EXT NEIGHBORHOOD-NIGHT

ETHAN and ELI sneak up to KAYLA'S HOUSE. They hide behind her car and ready a CARTON OF EGGS.

ETHAN

Aw man. You're a genius! We haven't done this since Halloween!

ELI

Shhh! We gotta execute this quickly and quietly. (Opens his EGG CARTON.) You ready?

ETHAN

(Opens his CARTON.) Ready.

ELI

Okay. Aim for the windows in three... two...

ROBO-GUY (OC)

Excuse me.

ETHAN and ELI freeze, terrified. They turn to see ROBO-GUY standing in the street a few feet away from them. They look at each other and nod in silent agreement. They then stand and begin screaming at the top of their lungs as they hurl EGGS at ROBO-GUY. ROBO-GUY slowly marches towards them, unhurt by the EGGS. ELI and ETHAN continue screaming as they throw, but they begin to back up as ROBO-GUY marches on.

ETHAN

I'm running low on amo, dude!

ELI

I think it's time to retreat!

ETHAN

Dip set!

ETHAN and ELI throw the few remaining EGGS and run for it. ROBO-GUY walks after them. They come to a darker street. ELI stops.

ELI

Come on, let's cut through the woods!

They run through the woods for a while.

ETHAN

Do you think he followed us?

ELI

I hope not. What on Earth could he be doing outside his girlfriend's house at one in the morning?

ETHAN

Guy is a creep. Let's get home.

They continue towards ETHAN'S HOUSE.

INT ETHAN'S HOUSE-NIGHT

ELI and ETHAN sit on the couch in ETHAN'S LIVING ROOM. They both look bewildered.

ETHAN

(After an awkward beat.) That went well.

ELI

Well, we didn't get apprehended by the authorities or the creepy boyfriend so yes it did.

ETHAN

We can't do that again. My parents are getting back in town day after tomorrow, and it's not like your folks will let you stay a whole week.

ELI

Are you giving up hope, Ethan?

ETHAN

I don't have any choice, man. (Get's up and walks into the kitchen.)

ELI

The heck you don't. (Follows him.) We just gotta change targets, dude.

ETHAN

What are you proposing? (Pours himself a drink of CREAM SODA.)

ELI

We must prepare a strike mission on the boyfriend. What's his name again?

ETHAN

It's like Robert or something, but whatever, we can't do a strike on him! We don't have any intel!

ELI

Then we go to the same source we squeezed information out of last time. Unless you know that this guy has a dog we can drop off a roof or something.

ETHAN

No, I don't know anything about him, and I doubt our source will talk again.

ELI

We'll find out tomorrow, then. (Picks up his previously unseen  GUITAR and plays a little tune.)

ETHAN

If you say so, dude. Oh, you want a soda?

ELI

What do you got?

ETHAN

Cream soda and off brand Mountain Dew.

ELI

Dew please. It's far better than cream soda.

ETHAN

(Stares at ELI, wide eyed. He Slowly raises an accusing finger.) Take that back.

ELI

(Continues playing guitar.) What?

ETHAN

Cream soda is the grandmaster of all cheap knockoff sodas and you know it!

ELI

What? No it's not. Mountain Dew is far better.

ETHAN

Nonbeliever! Get out of my house!

ELI

Whatever dude. (ETHAN starts pushing him through the kitchen.) What are you doing?

ETHAN pushes him out the front DOOR and locks it shut.

ELI

Come on! Let me back in!

ETHAN

(Leaning against the DOOR.) Not until you admit that cream soda is better!

ELI

No! You will never shake my beliefs! I stand firm in my love of one true bubbly beverage and it happens to be green! (Pause.) Ethan? (Pause.) Come on, man!

EXT ETHAN'S HOUSE-NIGHT

We see ELI from a distance from the POV of an unseen person.

ELI

At least I have my guitar. (He begins to softly play.)

The mysterious person gets closer. ELI plays his guitar, but starts to look somewhat afraid of the neighborhood at night. The mysterious person gets closer. ELI seems to see it and becomes very anxious.

ELI

Ethan? Hey Ethan open the door. (Silence. ELI becomes hysterical.) Dude! Let me back in. Please Ethan, come on!

The mysterious person gets closer and closer. ELI panics and begins screaming and beating on the door. The mysterious thing gets within feet of attacking him. ETHAN finally opens the door.

ETHAN

Chill, dude. I wasn't gonna leave you out there all night- OH MY GOD!

ELI and ETHAN scream as ELI jumps inside and slams the door behind him. We see ROBO-GUY'S FACE for just an instant before the door shuts.

INT ETHAN'S HOUSE-NIGHT

ELI and ETHAN put their hands on the door so ROBO-GUY will not try to break in.

ETHAN

Did we just see that?

ELI

(Looks through the window.) He's gone.

ETHAN

He's gone, or you don't see him?

ELI

What-!? If I saw him I wouldn't say "He's gone." Idiot.

ETHAN

Oh man, this is bad. He knows where I live!

ELI

Tomorrow morning we are gonna do some investigation for information and then gesticulation.

ETHAN

That makes no sense!

ELI

But you know what I mean.

ETHAN

We're going to find out if he has a weakness.

ELI

And we're going to drop it off the roof!

Author's Note

I wrote this when I was sixteen and stoned for a dual enrollment film class. I'm kind of glad I got kicked out of school before we had a chance to film it.. It's awful. Don't read it.