Pick Me. Choose Me. Love Me. Introduction!

Introduction to the new story! The first 'poem' is actually the first verse of a song I've written. I didn't steal it, and I own it.

“She’s alone, and confused.

Tired and completely bemused.

A second is a lifetime,

there’s no words for her Crime.

she locked her heart away

attempting to keep it hidden.

But the key went astray,

right into the hands that were forbidden.”

Did you know, that life can be really hectic? Especially when involved with boys. Did you also know that some situations are really two faced? Like my mom getting remarried. It’s not the marriage itself that’s the issue, it’s the effects. My mom, my sister and I all had to move from our crappy little house in Rocky Oaks (the worst place to live ever) to Sampson (the rich town).

Now, don’t get me wrong, our new house was amazing; it’s just a few incidents after moving that really got to me. I guess I could explain it in a few chapters, so here we go.

Author's Note

Might I ask you for your advice?

Reviews

[Daydreamer54]

I love the poem! and at the end, i think u should omit the last sentence. other than that, good intro

[Confidential]

Wow, very nice. The whole first half (all the lines of the actual song lyrics) were definitely the best bits of this work, but the second half, when the character (whomever that/he/she may be) starts to kind of monologue to the reader(s), that's good, too. The last several sentences are what is going to force me to read on to the next chapter, though. So I suppose you achieved one of your goals in doing that quite well. Bravo! Hahaha! :) I LOVE the lines: "she locked her heart away, attempting to keep it hidden. BUT THE KEY WENT ASTRAY, RIGHT INTO THE HANDS THAT WERE FORBIDDEN!" LOVE!!! (If you couldn't tell, the all capped parts were my VERY favorite, hahaha)! I hope the rest of your work is just as good and/or better than this, I'm looking forward to it if it is!!!! OH before I forget, while the lines I highlighted earlier were my favorite part, my single favorite line came just before they did- the third line (a second is a lifetime)- so exceedingly simple, and so profoundly true! Just great! :) Good job on this, miss, very well written. The only thing I'll say is that maybe consider editing it where the lyrics end and the second part begins, just insert a paragraph break or something little like that, because to me, the first time I read through it, it was sort of confusing for a minute what was happening. With no break there, no difference other than line length at all to let the reader know that change has taken place, it's slightly confusing and takes the reader out of the flow and feeling of a good piece. Plus, it will be easier to read and also look WAAAY more...professional! If it's formatted nicely, that is. Okay, that's all! And again, great work! I'm going to look through your other work RIGHT NOW!! :))


Respect,
-Confidential