Chapter Five- Depression

  Why is weight a real struggle in most teens these days? Why do we care so much about what society wants? Is it an imagine we really want, but are too afraid to admit it? Your either to skinny, fat, or really fat. There is no more healthy, like when did that go out of style? I've been struggling with my weight for a few years now. I have been fluctuating and have been picked on and been called names during this process. Did bullying have some effect on my weight? There are moments when I feel amazing about who I am, and then I drop so low and think horrible things about myself. It puts me into a depressed state of mind. I've even thought of making myself throw up just to help loose a couple of inches, or skipping meals to help drop the weight faster. No one knows the hardships I put myself through. I think my own mind bashes me more than the outside world. Is that sick and demented? That us teenagers blame society for everything, yet we hurt ourselves more than society ever could. Our inner thoughts haunt and follow us vs. society can be blocked out. Does every teenager go through some kind of depression? I try so hard not to sub come to depression. For me it says that I am weak and I can't control things. So I workout like crazy, and try to stay quiet and keep myself busy. It is like my way of trying to beat this horrible condition depression. I hate to feel beat and overwhelmed, and at moments I feel that way. It's a horrible feeling. It hurts every inch of my body to even admit that there is an ounce of me that might be depressed. Maybe because in my house hold we were raised that everything is a blessing why take it for granted? And that's right; I am truly blessed for everything I have and at times I take it for granted. Man vs. Self is one of the scariest things I think I have ever experienced, because you can't always explain yourself. What if your crying for help, but can't put it in words? The thought of trying to tell someone what I'm going through really scares me; because that means that it's really true.