Chapte 1 draft 1

As i ran it chased me, as i fell it rapped itself around me. There is no
escaping this, this thing attached to me, this thing I'm stuck with
forever. Who can help, who will save me. I need someone! Here, i will
fill you in and explain what has happened to me. My name is Samantha P.
Smithington i live in a small town in the middle of nowhere, now when i
say small i mean it. Total population 40 people, its basically my
family, my best friend Jenny's family, and my boy friends Dakota's
family along with some random people and scientists study the plats and
animal, and tourists ever now and then to see the magic of the Falls of
Destiny. In a place like this, if you have less then five kids you are
strange, and most likely sent to exile. I have seven brothers and I'm
the ONLY girl. Now lets tell you the story, it was six months ago and
there we were just sitting and enjoying each others company. Me and
Dakota, we decided to go on a simple picnic in the park. You see it is
our two year anniversary and we wanted to do something special but
simple. We walked to the park and started searching for the perfect
picnic spot. The right amount of shade, perfect amount of sun, it cant
be so bug filled, but has to have butterflies. We walked for ever until
finally, he spotted it. A gigantic oak tree with pockets of sun shinning
through. Thousands of different kinds of butterflies fluttering around
us. It was simple perfection, and so was the day. We sat down for our
picnic, we got the blanket set up and the food, made by my mother, was
placed through out it leaving just enough space for us to lay on it.
While we lay dark clouds role across the sky, we both sit up instantly.
"We never get bad weather, whats going on?!" Dakota said, we both looked
around and noticed that everyone, including the butterflies, had gone.
The park was empty besides us. All around me I felt a sadness and lonely
feeling. After several seconds of glum a man walks by, he wore a black
suit with a black top hat. I had the urge to talk to him, an urge i
couldn't control. I got up and walked over to him, he turned and smiled.
His smile was enchanting and made me feel as if i knew him, yet i was
certain i had never seen him. He turned away from me and walked away, i
was impelled to follow. As we walked he whistled, as we walked he
looked, as we walked he pulled a metal object out of his pocket. It
looked like a metal brick, but it had buttons. I had never seen anything
so oddly shaped in my life, it had no antenna but it looked like
something someone would use to talk to people. I wanted to ask but some
how couldn't find the words. He typed a number into this machine I tried
to look and see the number from what i could there was a 5 and a 7 I
think but it wasn't enough for a phone number. I had no idea what it
could be. He stops walking, and i can't do anything but the same. We
stood for about five seconds  and then there was nothing. Nothing making
noise, no color, not even white. I just didn't see anything. Like my
eyes were shut but i didn't see black, it was the most peculiar thing i
had ever experienced. I closed my eyes in hope that i would open then
and see Dakota on the blanket next to me. When my eyes did open, that
wasn't what i saw!

Reviews

[SquinklaPsyOps]

Total master piece, everything fits, there is so much for interpretation, definitely putting it as favorite, Congratulations.

[Inspiring Writer]

Your this beautiful as well as a first chapter is sensible and you know what it's seemed like you'd a dream you seen once upon a day and just converted into your feelings, into your words to let other know... about this. I wasn't reading this chapter but watching a movie on "Life's Dream" that you shown me in the suit of a chapter. It's not a big chapter, thank god i'd say because it's saved my time... lol
You've a great talent of writing, you should write more chapters in this beautiful way. I really wanted to know what happened in next chapter, who was that old guy ! what's a big story behind that machine as well as two numbers ! and so on... as same much questions arisen in my mind after completion of my reading. I'd really love to read what happens in next chapter, is that an ending or there any hidden story behind that :) !! I'd love to know, it's really a great chapter, it's you know seemed like a story indeed. Such a great victory you've got. As you mentioned that this's you first chapter so, i'd love to appreciate your thinking you made this write. you've a talent of writing, you can flourish yourself more and raise your more skills of writing staying in touch of the site because this's a site which let everyone know how to move ascent on :)

Beautiful chapter, it's a nice dreaming write. Keep writing i must say and make more chapters and hey, if you plan making it's next chapter to continue to and to let everyone know what happens next then don't forget to let me know via mail about it, i'd love to read it indeed and until you make next write my wishes are with you making the next chapter :) Go on and dig it.