My Most Perfect Heartbreak

He once told me,
"Abbi, never tear the pages from your notebook"
I could only think that he meant maybe you day i'll want to look back on then,
I can only feel that maybe he knew things might be a bit off,
I can only guess that i should have know things might not work out...
I assume that he assumes that
i wasn't strong enough to face the comments
and stereotypes,
and all the bullshit that comes with dating someone older than you.
So honey i you should know,
that i deleted all you pictures and cute messages from my phone,
because i don't trust myself not to look at them when I'm alone.
I know my heart would break if i saw them again,
shake
crack
and crumble.
sometimes i mumble to myself that i still love you,
just to hear my heart echo back that he loves me too.
And i bet i knew deep down that i should never trust a boy heart my heart,
because they might tear it apart while your not looking,
and the aftermath effect is disastrous...
fatal,
and probably a perfect heart break.
I intake all the emotions that were pilled into my lap,
and i overlap memories with others
so i don't have to look back on the ones with Im in them...
but then i see our memories in the halls,
and they call back to me
like a faded echo still casting
and I'm casting my heart at you
and your casting it back
and the lack of your presence is starting to kill me,
its tearing me apart..
and i just miss those hugs....
the ones were we held each other so close
that our bodies were touching everywhere.
And i wear your ring necklace
i am laced up in your memory
and its hard for me not to cry
when i see you walking by
and O'm lying to myself when i tell you
"Im Okay".
Please don't say that we are just friends,
because my heart bends every time i see your face,
and i have to face the fact that you're going to like other girls,
twirled up in all these emotions...
and i still love you...
i still love you....
i still love you like you were mine
though you never were.
But let me pretend that it was,
let me hold on to the good memories,
like they were mine to keep,
i keep thinking that you are going to say it was all a big hoax...
but then i remember reality....
like if love has something to do with time,
then why do we love if time will eventually run out,
we are all just counting down to god knows when,
so should age matter?
All the chatter about who is dating who
no one f*****g cares,
what matters is me and you
so lets just be that...
chew the fat for a bit
and tell me that you still love me.....
please please tell me that you still love me....
because God knows....
I Still Love You.