Thinking Loudly

Sometimes our thoughts are louder than our words, we can't suppress them so it is better to express them in the best possible way and for me it is through writing them down.

When the rain is just rain and not a romantic whisper of our love.
When you and me have grown old and rough,
When I lose my looks and you lose your lust
Will our love be enough for us?

When my eyes are wrinkled
Will you still think like stars, they twinkle?
When your hands will be shaking loose
Will you still hold me tight and close?

When we walk slow and not talk much,
Will you still think I have a magical touch?
When my heart is weak and my memories fade.
Will you still believe our love is strong and fate?

 

Reviews

[Parimal Pratyush]

Oh my god! :D
I am a man and I must say my eyes were a little wet after reading this.
This is the sweetest thing I have read in a while.
Reminds me of my grandma and how she loved grandpa.
Maybe that's what got better of me.
Thank you so much for writing this.

[Aayushi]

I am glad that my write could connect with emotions of others as well. Thanks for reading. :)

[Saddam]

When your hands will be shaking loose
Will you still hold me tight and close?

Quite romantic and beautiful write there friend.
Such a emotions are there.

[Aayushi]

Thanks for the review.

[Nitesh Mahabal]

title of poem is very attracting, thoughts are clear n quite different from others as ur work reflects thought of still being together. grammar n other things u'll learn as time passes through going others work.
but this work was good. thanks for sharing maam

[Aayushi]

Thanks for the review.

[Mayank]

this is good one, last stanza was really brilliant.

[Aayushi]

Thanks you for the review.

[Stonz P.]

I like the message of this poem and the overall tone of it..
But I'm not sure if you are following grammar or not, that is unclear because if you are then there are errors...But if you are not, then it is alright.. in my eyes these errors need some formatting.

'You and me' is okay to use in poetry but I agree on the rest with Chris.
Good write.

[Aayushi]

Yea I also agree with him that's why made the changes he suggested except " you and me" I think that is fine plus I like it that way, I hope grammar won't mind bending a little and thanks for reading. :)

[Christopher Robin]

*When you and me - you and I
*When Your hands - When your hands
*memories are fade - memories fade/memories are faded.

Right, now that grammar is out of the way, this is a very sweet poem with a lovely message, I'm going to use this on my next first date to see her reaction.

-Robin

[Aayushi]

Thanks for the suggestions but no offence to the grammar,I was just trying to rhyme. and I if you seriously are going to use this on your next first date then I would like to hear about her reaction.

[A. Amos]

This was seriously one of the best from you...what you wrote is definition of true love!

Love is all about feeling other person soul...connected with yours. I truly admire your skill my friend...simply riveting!

[Aayushi]

Thanks for your kind words.