Fate

I had an epiphany a while ago regarding the idea of fate, how inexorable it is, and how futile it is to try and stop it. This is sort of about coming to terms with it.

In that moment,

i knew that i could not turn back the hands of time.

they were resolved, and my fate entwined therein,

pausing not over lamentations,

or declarations of innocence,

but murmured with bated breath,

punctuated by the claps of tear-stained hands

against tear-stained faces.

looking into the sun will soon blind you,

so you avert your gaze,

and its secrets remain well-kept.

but fight not against your nature

or fight it every day,

in the end it all amounts to the same embrace

and a feeling so familiar.

Reviews

[Akshat♥]

I just love the starting and ending of the poem "In that moment,
i knew that i could not turn back the hands of time." & "a feeling so familiar"...
You write from your heart...best thing about your write...
simply amazing:)
Keep writing!!!

[TeaNoon]

This is really well written. The only thing that I could even think of changing is the "hands of time" bit. It fits well, and sounds nice, but it's used so often, it's worn out. May want to try looking into a different turn of the phrase.
Great job, I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Laura Maidah]

The only complaint I had is the"hands of time". It is worn and stale IMHO. It's in every poem with the same theme. Aural motif sounds purposed. The ending finale has great alliteration. "Fight" "fight" "feeling" "familiar". It's nice to pronounce internally.

[Kathryn]

Love this, it makes me almost fear fate. That we can't fight it, because what we are and will be who we are ment to be nomatter what we want.

[brigid]

what a well expressed poem about fate. i really like your imagery..puntuated by the claps of tear stained hands.. nice.
also noticed that the way you presented on the page makes it looks a bit like an old fashioned egg timer... time, sand etc.....??? kismet?

[PaperLife]

You have some talent here Aaron. Your words move and flow in their own unique way.

"punctuated by the claps of tear-stained hands"

That's a VERY loaded sentence. This could mean many things but at the same time means nothing and only one thing at once.

An innocence captured in time but scattered inside of your words so wickedly. There's nothing I can pinpoint here that would stay. because it moves so softly and agonizingly into this beautiful world where I follow you in your mind but outside where you force us to live not seeing your beautiful words like we want to. I love this, it's beautiful and moving.

To me art should move you, and this certainly moves me.

Well done.

[Aravind]

Imagery is used wonderfully.
Reading it felt like I was experiencing the same feel from this.

A great piece, interesting subject. Something I like to write about myself.

Some format suggestions: Try some stanzas and periods. Not that there is anything wrong with this. But sometimes with lines that keep going on, readers start to lose their focus.

Personal favourites: "punctuated by the claps of tear-stained hands " Nice use of words there.. Keep the great work.

"in the end it all amounts to the same embrace
and a feeling so familiar."
A perfect start needs a perfect (or extraperfect end). This is just perfect for that. ( I know too many perfects. You need them for such a perfect poem )

The last line is so stuck on my mind now, so if I come up with a poem closely related to that don't blame me. =D

[.....]

Love the imagery of this and the thoughts expressed. Very thought provoking. I think I see where the flow problem is for me. The double spacing seems to throw me off. Because in your elegy you didn't double space each line and it flowed really well. So it's on me. :P And a personal issue for me is the not capitalizing I. I'm always a stickler for it. Whenever I is used in the first person pronoun it should be capitalized. That's the teacher in me. :P Love your language use, vocabulary and word choice. Really elevates the poem when complex words are used.

Blessings, Tammy

[AK]

Wow! Very well written and yeah that's very true, you really can't stop fate. You just have to accept it and make the best of situations..