A Conquest Conquered by Fallacious Fate

There once was a lady, who in a brown bag kept her baby, and never let
it see the light of day. But once when it rained, when outside both bag
and baby lay; paper dissolved to ash, and pale skin emerged unabashed.
Now, as well as unabashed the paper babe was unashamed, and fought his
way through the rain, in naked hide aflame. "Where fore art thou, thou
hedonist devil!! Where can i find thee and lick thou with shovel!!"
Harsh were his words and I'm sure you'd concur, when i say not harsh
enough,but then again, tis only baby stuff. Though minuscule were his
plans for he had only babies hands, he trudged along feeling all the
more brave for his life he'd now save. Seeing his shovel, he picked it
up, made out of plastic it weighed no more than his sippy' cup. Through
the doggy door he crawled on all four legs, through the door he went
sprawled like tossed eggs. Into the demons bedroom he silently tiptoed
only to find the horns of said beast had gone.