washing machine

These days I have a thing for putting 

on Gracie Abrams, that one K-pop group

with the Maknae born on '05

turning it up as far as it goes

frying my brain 

I don't hear anyone 

when I'm in that place

the twin-tub churning in the background

it's a real team player

washed my clothes separate

from my sheets

I'm not particular about these things

I promise

It's just, the day started with 

the landlord yelling at me again

"I want to use the washing machine," 

something like that

Only, this time he's also screaming 

my name

so...it's like serious business

at this point

he's emotionally invested

and pissed, right?

Whatever, we know how these

things go already

Kill me now, I just woke up

forgot my clothes were 

in the wash again

I'm three hours into

dooming scrolling on Enha's Insta

I don't really feel like 

doing anything, you know?

Why can't he just be a doll about it?

Be cute about it?

What's with the f*****g screaming?

B***h, what? Seriously, I got enough 

of that from our dad

when he was still alive

You know how the story goes

about girls without dads

or whatever

You see, I don't like authority

Disrespect me and I'll cry about it

and not say anything. I admit it.

But then time slows, 

think the specks in a Snow globe,

and I'm just this vindictive psycho

You know, right?

Seriously, how do you not know this story?

Like, suddenly the clothes need 

to go for another cycle

I have to rinse them, I don't make the rules

and he's huffing and puffing

all big bad wolf or whatever

it's supposed to make me what?

Tell the washing machine to

cut a 15-minute cycle in half?

No way, babes

This is laundry from a few weeks ago,

no chance I'm letting them soak in their own filth

I'm gross sometimes,

but I'm not disgusting

Know the difference

But, at this point, I'm venting

You know that one song

in Gracie's Deluxe version

of 'The Secrets of Us?'

"I'll put up a fight, 

taking out my earrings

Don't you know the vibe?

Don't you know the feeling?"

she's so on brand

everything is very cute

Why couldn't he just be cute about it?

You see dad died, but he laid his own grave

I've got nothing to lose

shivering in my boots

he could smash me head into the wall

killing people runs in our family

he seems like the type

or am I just reaching? 

churn churn churning

the twin-tub maintaining the pretense

it's really hard at work, promise

"Another f*****g cycle?"

"Yes, two more," I say. "And I still need to spin.

So sorry. Honestly."

Very patronizing, 

but he's not familiar with the word

Reviews

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

i have a weakness for stream-of-consciousness poetry. it was very interesting to get to know how you think and a bit about your life. my mother recently died. we didn't have the best relationship either.

[kimpetersen13kp]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts with me. Familial relationships are always too difficult to navigate, it's beautiful to have people outside of our little worlds we we can connect with and exchange ideas with.