I am not happy, but I am grateful

I am grateful
but I am not happy
happy requires of me
to dig up
childhood memories
from my gut
of those winding roads
to the beach
summer cooler boxes
and watermelon slices
cut wide open
teenage daydreams
'oh, when I get home from school...'
five episodes of Teen Wolf
and that one bag of burnt popcorn
I am not happy
but I am grateful