Soldier

The ground beneath me hard and the heat seaping through the thick cloth of my uniform burning my back as I lie unable to move from waist below.

The rough mixture of sand and gravel feeling harsh against my uncovered head and the rays from the afternoon sun beating on my scarred face relentlessly.

I lie still on a vast expanse of nothing but dry land covered in red sand, used weapons of death, discarded vests and dead bodies of my comrades and enemies alike and if squinted hard enough the lifeless bodies of a few innocent who did not deserve the fate meted out to them.

The aftermath of the battle and the stench of all end, thick in the air, suffocating my senses as I struggle to take in my last breaths. The wounds on my body didn't hurt as much, as numbness began taking over, slowly draining all feeling from the rest of my body.

During my days as a trainee cadet our superiors who survived legendary wars and battles, who looked death in the eye and possessed the guts to return, had shared their experiences with us young blood on one night of camaraderie.

They had described the feeling of helplessness, of loss, of frustration, denial, hatred, grief and most of all fear, every negative and extreme emotion all rolled into one that came crashing down on you during your last moments. The pensive look in their war weary eyes had some of us paying more attention and start considering our life choices while others brushed it off by saying, 'We are not afraid of anything, we are not scared if dying!'
Our superior had looked at them straight in the eyes and said only seven words that had henceforth become our foundation as soldiers, he had said, ' Only a fool does not fear death.'

Even though I had been wise enough to fear the end, here I was on the ground of a battle that hardly lasted longer than an episode of a daily sitcom, feeling every dark emotion all crashing down on me in major blows unforgiving and unrelenting.

I did not expect it to be my last day, it was ironic considering every day is to be thought of as the last by the people in my line of work.
But then again my life had been a rollercoaster of irony. I lay there thinking my last meal shouldn't have been a measly local snack, my last drink shouldn't have been tea made of goat's milk, my last word to my best friend and platoon mate shouldn't have been a curse word, yesterday shouldn't have been the last time I got to speak to my pregnant wife and my last words to her shouldn't have been, 'our daughter will not date until she is thirty!' I regretted not saying ,'I love you.' 'I miss you.' ' I love my baby girl to the moon and back!'

As these thoughts ran through my mind and I counted each regret in my life, my eyes caught a flicker of familiar colors. I strained my eyes to catch a better view just to see the flag of my country proudly waving in the gusts of hot wind.

As if a switch had been turned on, the flow of my thoughts took a drastic change in course and my mind delved back into the day I took my oath, the day I swore to protect my country and the people in my country, the day I swore to stand tall and proud like a wall between adversities and my country, to sacrifice my sleep so that millions of my brothers and sisters could dream, to let my blood drip rather than have their freedom be severed.

The day I took an oath to surrender my heart and soul to the service of my nation in front of the same piece of cloth that was now fluttering with as much vigor and zest as it had on that afternoon! I remembered the look on my then fiancé's face, the look of irrevocable adoration and pride, the tears of joy mixed with a tinge of sadness at impending losses in the future, but the image that stayed in my head was of the entourage of citizens who looked on at the newly sworn in men in complete awe and respect, the look of blind trust that the men standing before them would protect them and their loved ones no matter what.

In those last few moments while I painfully drew in my last breaths I thought to myself, I had allowed millions of young minds the opportunity to dream, to fall in love, to experience new things, to hear their kid's first words, to see their children graduate, I had protected my country like I had sworn I would and I feared death like I should have and fought to survive like I was supposed to but now it was okay. I was okay, I had no more regrets, I was at peace and in my, now weak heart I knew that there were other brave men who would protect the country after me, allow my unborn daughter the opportunity to dream and my wife to see our baby graduate.

With these last thoughts in my mind I peacefully closed my eyes and hummed the national anthem of my country and lulled myself to a now painless end.