Bubble burst

Assignment was to write a story with every other sentence being a rising action and to incorporate a given set of words into the piece. Word limit was 250-350.

Don’t look, focus, you can do this. Trick your mind. Close your eyes and… Oh no, someone just opened a soda can. Pretend he is not there, pretend he is not there. What is this? Rain? I can’t take it anymore aboard this steel cage of misery. 

DING! “Puttingham Mills. Please mind the gap.” The subway voice had barely had her say before I stormed out of the half open doors. I wasn’t running, more like limping with every muscle in my body contracting to its absolute limit. My eyes scan the signs at the platform for that cheery white fellow on a blue background. He is nowhere to be seen. I make my way to the escalator which is conveniently packed with busy commuters. I slip through the long line of people like a tiger through a jungle. Or as gracefully as a one legged tiger with a serious case LUTS* can go. 

There! Though instead of a white dude, this sign has two of the most beautiful letters, WC. Praise be the old gods and the new. Finally, salvation. As I open the door I am greeted with a smell that some cheese aficionado might consider delicieux if only it wasn’t coming from the most degoutant, filthy bathroom in the world. Skip. 

A placard says "Whatever coffee 50m." Might as well be 50km. Have to hurry. 

I arrive, about to explode. The way to freedom goes by the counter, which has a white sheet of paper. On this paper are, in nice friendly red lettering, printed the words “Bathroom for customers only.” A sullen looking crow balks at me to purchase something. I grab whatever cash I have, push it over with anguish in my eyes. I’m given a ring token. There’s the door with the lock appliance attached. Insert token. 

In the distance I can hear the angel choirs singing praise as I enter the promised land. This must be what rebirth feels like. The post relief ecstasy. Token machine clicks. I forgot to lock the door.

* Lower urinary tract symptoms

Reviews

[carl]

Okay, so this is a really fun read, probable b/c it is such a common experience. Well worded, can almost feel the physical distress and discomfort in a very personal way. Side not: have talked to my grown son as he rushes the street in Chicago look for a place of relief from that last cup of coffee before leaving work. Thanks for the post - carl