Prologue- Sealed in Blood

My attempt at a Prologue...

Prologue

 

A tall tan skinned man walked across a room made of sand and mud to a wooden table.  As he did he glanced back down to the piece of papyrus in his hand.  He started to recite it once more.

“My dear I am sorry to leave you in such a hurry, and that I cannot tell you where I am going or even when I shall return.  I must believe that I am leaving this and their world in your safe hands.  Osiris has banished Set to the abyss, and you have Sekhmet at your side.  Ra is a powerful king but I fear at times he is blind.  You must help show him the way.  The world does not need me at this point but will need my assistants when time grows further.  I promise I will come back to you, but I cannot promise you a date.  I will send word when I am ready to return.   I must also ask of your assistance once more.  When the sun has risen and vanished 4119 times you and Sekhmet must join together to create a vessel in the form of a woman, she will find me and once again bring me back to their world.  By the time you receive this message I will be gone.”

No one but the darkness of the room heard his words, as the room was completely empty.

“Dendera.” He summoned as he lit the candle with the mere touch of his finger.

“Yes your majesty?” she asked as she glided in the dimly lit room.  Her translucent white dress was longer than most of the servants, and so it trailed along the floor behind her.

“I know you were fashioned to serve her, but I have to ask of you one more request.”

“Anything your majesty.” She said keeping her head down.

“You must carry this letter to her on the next day that the moon is the color of the ocean and once I have finished you must seal this place.”

“Yes your majesty.” She said reaching her hand out.

He handed the message written in black ink on papyrus to Dendara and motioned for her to leave the room.  When she was gone he pulled a lever causing a sandstone slab to block the only entrance.  He walked over to the single small window and watched the moon engulfed in the colors of the ocean.  He grabbed a small knife off of the table.  “I promise we will meet again, Hathor.”  And with that he pushed the small knife around the outside of his left eye until it fell out in to his hand.  Quickly he spoke words laced in magic, and the eye dissolved into the air.  Then he fell to the ground.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think!!

Reviews

[Emma Lee-Riviera]

Wow. O_O I like it a lot! The abruptness of their dialogue and the description sets a great tone. Business-like, efficient, and rather clinical. It doesn't give away anything glaring about your plot, which is wonderful! (I always hated reading the prologue, only to find that it was a summary. Kudos on that, love!) You tell us just enough to get us to ask questions and wonder what exactly is going on.

Brilliant. I look forward to reading the rest and reviewing every chapter. :3

[AWickedMoon]

Thankyou! I cant wait to hear more reviews from you! :)

[once upon a time]

Very good! Very creative! :)

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you! :)

[Norma M Sutton]

Creepy, a good start. I hope you will send me a read request as you add to this.

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you. :)

[sithlordjp]

What a busy entry point ! In a prologue it's important to get us on the hook, and you do get our attention! This shows a lot of promises. You could maybe slow things down a bit. There are a lot of information thrown at us from the get go. You know where it's going, but at this early point, we don't. Let it breathe a little. maybe tell us a bit more about yourcharacter and his environment before he starts reading? Just a thought. In any case, it's a strong beginning, we see you're serious about this situation and it will be interesting to see how it unfolds in the upcoming chapters. Well done, and best of luck! Cheers!

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you for such a marvelous review! I added a little bit about the space, but I’m more of a keep you on your toes kind of writer ha-ha! I would love to know what you think of the other chapters of the book. If not I am glad you enjoyed it and t's great to know it captured your attention! :)

[Calibaster]

One word ... Commas. It was really good, and the descriptions were even better, but the speech, was ... how do I put this? ... Halting. Ya'know what I mean? Other than that, it was magnificent, well, except for the eye part, that was kinda gross. But overall, Great job! :) :) :) Keep up the good work!!!! ;)

[AWickedMoon]

I tweeked the letter, let me know if it sounds better or what could help it along.(I'm horrable with prologues!)

[Calibaster]

I think you meant "Carry this letter," instead of "Carrier this letter," then, in the same sentence I think you meant,"Once," not,"One." Then two lines above that, you need to add the word ,"here," after the word,"Are." Wow, other than that, it was a lot better! great job!!!! (I"m not so great with prologues either!!) :) ;)

[AWickedMoon]

Ok I think I got everything! haha thanyou for all your help! DOnt be affraind to send me a read request as I know owe you! :)

[Calibaster]

Wow, Thanks!!

[AWickedMoon]

my my that was some horrible spelling.. hehe XD

[Calibaster]

It's all right. Your prologue is fantastic!

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you!

[Calibaster]

Your welcome!