Prologue

Picture borrowed from http://www.shannonthunderbird.com/tribal_housing_and_travel.htm

“JENN! NEVER IS IT GOING TO HAPPEN; HE’S HAS PASSED, YOU MUST KEEP WALKING!” Ameo Yelled.

“He cannot have gone he spoke words that he would not leave me…alone.” Jenn’s warm rose petal lips whispered against the cold air.

“Jenn my child you’re safe now from him, no longer can he come to harm you.” Ameo reached over and poked the small fire out.

“He was also the only one to protect me…” Jenn said as she shivered.

“Oh but you are still a child to always whine, whine, whine!  You keep speaking words of how you tried to save him, if you had done as I’d said and stay at the camp then maybe he wouldn’t be dead!  It’s your fault Hena'háanehe¹.  You must learn that you cannot trust outside shifters.  Start learning your place before you lose it.” And with that Ameo stood up and starting walking back down the path to the village.

Ameo slightly turned back and said.  “Rosepetal I love you but the villagers are talking. They do not trust in you; they only see a bad omen where you stand.  You must remember you did not come to them through birth your skin may be dark, but you are still from a different land and it frightens them.” She waited.

“Does the village include you?” Jenn asked weakly avoiding Ameo’s eyes.

“Girl I have seen your stem grow in to a bud when everyone thought you dead, I will always believe in you but you must show me your worth, you must show me you have truly bloomed.”  Ameo turned back and continued down the path.

“Néá'eše.²”  Jenn said softly as she watched her go when Ameo was gone, she looked up and asked father sky.  “Tósa'e éhoo'e³, my Tennesy?  But her only answer was the soft smack of a fly hitting her forehead.  

 

 

1.        Hena'háanehe, Tsitsistas (Cheyenne) word meaning “That’s it,that’s enough,the end.”

2.        Néá'eše, Tsitsistas (Cheyenne) word meaning “Thank you.”

3.        Tósa'e éhoo'e, Tsitsistas (Cheyenne) word meaning “Where is he”

Author's Note

Let me know what you think, I have tryed to use diffrent words to make a more "back then" feeling. I have also changed some things around let me know wht you thinkj of the updated version. All feed back is greatly apreciated!

Reviews

[Gaston Sanders]

Hey writer,
Excuse me if I blunder with this and offend you; that is not my intention. I just don't know the ediquette of the cafe yet.
I think your story ia going to be great. I like the beginning and the idea behind it. Is the character Sani or Ameo? I got confused. Is Jenn speaking in a type of colloquial slang? I got that impression, and if so, it could help to round out the character. Great...
I got the impression there was a sort of ethnic thing going there in the quick introduction to the reader.
Also, be careful; I saw several run-on sentences. Trust me, it's easy to do. I'm do it all the time and usually don't catch myself until the third proofreading. Remember, unless that is the way the character thinks and speaks all the time, it could get confusing.
Sani/Ameo is a good, caring character and will make a strong foundation character for you.
Congratulations, I think the story sounds really interesting.
Gaston

[AWickedMoon]

First I must say I absolutely LOVE your name! Ok and with that out of the way. I think your review was excellent. I always love any feedback that’s why I got an account. I fixed the name thing I change Sani's name have way through so that all the future names would be Cheyenne tribe but I guess I missed the first one. I am also notorious for run on sentences! Thank you for such a great review, keep em coming if you want! :)

[IndigoChild]

Ditto!

[Jag]

I'm a new writer/reviewer but I love stories. I thought it was very Interesting.
It seems very wide open and I'd like to know more. Thanks for sharing.

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you! I'd love to know what you think of "Even The Moon Needs Light" and/or "The Jokers Scheme”. If you have the time of course! :)

[Jag]

Awesome ill check them out tonight. I have one story posted called Rachel if u wanna let me know what u think as well

[Amaya Sullivan]

Aside from the grammar, it is a huge attention grabber at the beginning. I am wondering what has happened and what will happen next. Is very good thus far.

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you. Where was the grammer wrong? (some of the dialoge is "wrong" because they live back in time, so there not as educated)

[Amaya Sullivan]

Punctuation is what I see commas and periods which there are very little. I forget when I write as well.

[Norma M Sutton]

This is an interesting start to something :)

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you! :)

[Megara]

good prolouge. can't wait to read more:)

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you! I will let you know when I get something else up :)

[Megara]

kay:)

[Bella Luna]

This is really interesting! You really draw your reader in and I'm curious to see what happens next!

[AWickedMoon]

Thankyou! I'll keep you posted :)

[Zachary_James]

A sad but mysterious beginning.

[AWickedMoon]

Thankyou. :)

[Harley Rose]

I was wondering if you could translate the 'language' at the bottom or something so that i could understand better

[AWickedMoon]

Oh I didnt realize when I ediet it it must have cut them off! I will fix right now!

[AWickedMoon]

Ther all fixed! :)

[AWickedMoon]

oh wow there*

[Harley Rose]

Thank you that's so much more helpful!

[Mervyn]

This could turn out to be a good story. I like your writing style and your creative ‘language’ you have the base of a good story. I too am guilty of run-on sentences, but I must say I quite enjoy them. Keep writing.

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you, If you have time id love to know what you think of my other book "Even The Moon Need Light"? :)

[IndigoChild]

I like it i am very NA. on my mothers and my fathers side and i liked the discipline that in this little blip.

[Calibaster]

Wow, this is cool! On one paragraph He says Mw instead of Me. And at one point, you spelled Jenn with one N instead of two.

Overall, great job! :) keep up the good work!

[AWickedMoon]

Thankyou!

[Calibaster]

Your welcome! :)