Pitter, Patter, Shiver, Shatter

Pitter, Patter, Shiver, Shatter

She races down the hall

Pitter, Patter, Shiver, Shatter

A scream, a cry no one can hear

Pitter, Patter, Shiver, Shatter

It catches up

Pitter, Patter, Shiver, Shatter

Faint little whispers on the rocks

Pitter, Patter, Shiver, Shatter

Pity he can’t save you dear,

Pitter, Patter, Shiver, Shatter

Pat her on the back maybe she’ll run faster

Pitter, Patter, Shiver, Shatter

She shivers at my touch

Pitter, Patter, Shiver, Shatter

Her heart shatters as she hits a wall

Pitter, Patter, Shiver, Shatter

I shall have them all.

Author's Note

Was going for a creepy feeling.

Reviews

[KAOlmsted]

It's not as much creepy as it is nursery rhymey (I made up another word...yay) :-D The repetition of the title sort of made it lose its impact. You wrote it nine times in an eighteen line poem. Holy hit me over the head with the pitter patter shiver shatter. Not my favorite from you, but thank you for sharing it with us.

[AWickedMoon]

I gues sin my head the pitter patter... was in the back of my head so I would hear the main "verses" and then the pitter patter... would be whispers in the back of my head. ha-ha.

[Perri]

Just saying I LOVE THE NAME. I don't know why, it's just so nice to say :L
It's quite short, so obviously it's hard to convey the fear in that short a piece but I reckon you've done reasonably =)

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you! :)

[IndigoChild]

Right on there with the creepy, i love the feelings going through the whole thing. I almost feel like the girl is being controlled by something. TWO THUMBS UP!!!!!!!

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you!

[Lucien Maier]

very haunting well done

[AWickedMoon]

Thankyou.

[scripted]

i like your flow throughout this poem... it was well writen and nicely penned. it for me wasn't all that creepy maybe because right now im in a creepy mood, anyway thank you for sharing... yours truely

[AWickedMoon]

Ha-ha, I thought it came out kinda erie rather then creepy.

[Calibaster]

You made me shiver too! You are a fabulous poet! Great Poem! Keep up the good work! :) :)

[AWickedMoon]

He-he thank you!

[Calibaster]

Your welcome(Was that an evil chuckle?) ;)

[Frieda P]

Pitter, patter, you made me shiver. Hope you never babysit any young kids. ;-)

[AWickedMoon]

Ha-ha! Nop not recently!

[Rob Santana]

Definitely creepy!!!!! Reads like a twisted children's nursery rhyme, haha good job.

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you! That was exactlywhat I was going for.

[Rob Santana]

Well you nailed it!!! Haha you should try for some more.maybe twisting like humpty sumptuous or some of the other nursery rhymes, haha. That would be sik!!

[Rob Santana]

I meant humpty dumpty haha

[AWickedMoon]

haha!

[AWickedMoon]

Ok I made one but it turn out a bit darker then intended, it's called "Elizabeth"

[Darkening Shadow]

Great Poem! I like how you had every other line be Pitter Patter Shiver Shatter it really makes it have a adrenaline feeling as I read it.

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you!

[Wingless Fallen Angel]

Really creepy poem. The font and the one darker line just increases the eeriness of the poem. Only one thing to fix: In the last line of the first part, 'pity' is misspelled.

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you!