Chapter One- Out Of The Nest

 

Chapter One- Out of the Nest

 

“A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

 

As he made his way upstairs using the railing to propel him up.  When he finally hit the last step he stumbled a bit but regained his balance quickly.  “Coffee…Coffee…”  He groaned.  Walking over to the cupboard he pulled down the biggest cup.  He reached out and grabbed the coffee pot and started to pour.  “S**t!”  He yelped as his left eye started to sear with pain, his grip loosened on the coffee pot and it started to slip.  He managed to steady it just before it fell, but not before the hot coffee crashed on the counter, like a wave hitting the shore.  He quickly placed the coffee pot back on the burner and removed his now coffee stained shirt; revealing his muscular body and quite a few small scars.  He started to wipe up the counter with it when a tall woman with raven black hair tied up in a neat bun walked in.  “Sahen!  What are you doing in here?!”  She yelled jokingly, looking between him and the coffee soaked counter.  “You know if you didn’t like the way I made the coffee you could have just made a new pot?” She said laughter in her voice.

 “Sorry” he replied. 

“That’s ok just hurry up and make a new one before your dad gets back in.”

“Were you working in the fields again?  You look like a tomato.”  He said.

“Well I never, don’t you know dang boy dat, dat corn isn’t gonna pick its self.”  His mom said in her best hick impression.  “Well I must be moseying on down to town, gotta be setin up at the market soon.”  She said well taking big steps out of the kitchen.

When he had fixed up a new pot of coffee he picked up his mug and started to make his way back downstairs, periodically swearing as his coffee stubbornly tried to slip out of the rim of his cup.  Once he had finally made it down the small hallway and into his room he set down his coffee on the night stand.  As he closed the door behind him it revealed a small closet he opened it revealing a small old T.V.  The only other things in his room were his bed and a just enough room to squeeze from the door to his bed.  He flopped down face first on the bed and let out a loud groan. 

“Ok two weeks? Three weeks?”  He said his voice muffled from the blanket.  He couldn’t remember when the; what he liked to call “spasms’ of searing pain” in his eye had started, but it was getting pretty annoying.  Rather than trying to figure it out he wiped his mind.  Instead he propped himself up on his forearm and reached in to his bedside drawer to pull out a small purple box.  He and Jamila had been hanging out for almost three months.  He thought as he opened to box to look at the diamond necklace he had brought back from England.  

He had saved up the last three months to buy a bigger TV, but then he meet Jamila Saxon and shortly after that his parents spent all of there savings to go visit family in England and he had spent most of his money on the diamond necklace.  It had been almost two weeks since he got back and he hadn’t called her yet. Alright todays the day!  Wow you sound stupid.   Great now not only am I talking to my self I’m actually answering to!  He pulled his severely cracked cellphone  out of his pocket and dialled her number.

-Ring, Ring…

-Click-

“Hello?” A girl’s voice answered.

“Hi, Jamila?”  Sahen questioned.

“Yes…. And I’m assuming this is Sahen?”  Jamila said giggling.

“Yup that’s me!  Hey I was wondering if you wanted to see a movie or get something to eat or something.”  Sahen blurted out.

“Sure I could go for a bite to eat, when and where did you wanna meet?”  She said happily

“Uhhhh….we could meet at 7-11 at say 5pm?”  Sahen asked.

“Sounds good see you then!  Bye!  Jamila said quickly.

-Click-

“Uh!  Oh…bye?”  Sahen said confused as the screen said call ended.

Wow why was that so awkward?  He thought.  Sahen had always been good with the lady’s in high school.  Well it has been three year since I asked anyone out maybe I’m losing my touch.  He thought before he rolled over to check his alarm clock 3:00PM it said.  “So an hour to get ready, an hour to get there.  That’s plenty of time!”

“F**k! Sahen said as he looked at the clock.  Big red digits taunted him with the numbers 4:20.  Let’s see the bus stop in to town was at least a 20 minute run and then a 30 minute bus ride.  If he left now he’d only be ten minutes late?  He quickly buttoned the black dress shirt he had picked out and carefully grabbed the small box he dashed out of his room and practically flew up the stairs. 

“Whoa!  Exclaimed a very sunburnt man, as he just narrowly avoided crashing into him.  “Where are you off to in such a hurry?” the man asked.

“I’m supposed to meet Jamila at 5 in town dad.”-He breathed heavily as he spoke.

“Well, well you’re finally dating that girl?”  He said as a proud smile crept across his face. 

“No I was going to ask her out tonight if I can make it” he said as he shoved his feet half in his shoes and headed for the door. 

“Wait!” his dad said blocking his path. 

“What?”  Sahen asked trying to move around him.

“I’ll give you a ride in to town I need some more supplies anyways, and its pouring out there.”

“Ok, thank you!” replied Sahen. 

“Now put your shoes on properly and grab a coat.”  His dad said.

As they made there way down the road, his dad’s truck jostled back and forth.  They hit a particularly big bump and his left eye started to sear as it had this morning. You are in danger----”He swore he heard someone whisper something to him, but when he turned his dad was completely focused on the road, so he shrugged it off.

“Well there you go, 10 minutes early, am I an awesome driver or what!  Wait before you go take this.” He said as he fumbled to get his wallet and took out a fifty and tried to hand it to him.

“No I can’t take that we need it for the farm or for that new tractor you wanted.”  Sahen said pushing the money away. 

“No you’re going to take it over to Kate’s flower shop and ask her for the best flowers she’s got.”  He ended his sentence with a big grin and put the money into Sahens hand.  Before Sahen could object he quickly added.  “Alright phone the house when you’re done and I’ll pick you up, now get out.  With that Sahen got out of the truck and careful to leaped over the water that wa parading itself down the curb and right into the sewer grate. 

 

He made his way down to the flower shop, He looked up and read the purple and yellow sign “Kate’s Crazy Flowers!”  The doors chimed as he walked in and he made his way to the counter and waited.  He could faintly hear someone talking “I’ll have to call you back X I think someone’s at the front” somewhere in the back of the shop. 

Two minutes later a short girl with strawberry blonde hair that seemed to go every direction and the brightest sapphire blue eyes he had ever seen stepped into sight, she looked as though she was sculpted from stone.  She had a blue velvet choker around her neck with a huge blue gem in the middle, silver patterns danced on either side of it, on the bottom of the jewel hung a diamond tear drop. 

“Hi I’m Sapphire!  How can I help you?” Her words cascaded gracefully of her tongue. 

“Um hi I’m looking for flowers?  My dad Jack Harris sent me here?”  Sahen didn’t really know what to ask.

Did you say Harris? She said looking curiously at him. 

“Yes Ma’am” he said as he pulled out the fifty wondering where this girl had come from he had never seen here before and it wasn’t like the town was very big. 

“So are these flowers for a special girl or? 

“Yes, I’ll take whatever fifty dollars will get me.”  He said setting the bill down on the counter.

“Tell you what you tell me your name and I’ll give you a great deal!”  Sapphire said getting excited.

 “Um... Ok its Sahen…?  He said confused.  Sapphires mouth dropped open, realizing she quickly snapped it shut.

“Alright you wait here I’ll be right back!”  When she returned he couldn’t see her face behind the mass of Red roses and White lily’s, she walked over to the counter and set them down and started to wrap them in brown paper.

“Alright that will be $30.”  She said appearing to have composed herself.  Sahen handed over the fifty; she gave him his change and he grabbed the flowers.  He said “Thank you.”  Before quickly exiting the store. 

 

“See you soon!!” She called out as he left, looking as if she was about to start running in circles or something.  Well that was freaking weird he thought as he walked back to the 7-11.  I wonder why she wanted to know my name. 

As he waited for Jamila under the gas pump cover of the 7-11 the rain started to ease up.  Finally a small purple hatchback drove up and Jamila stepped out she was a thin girl but not super skinny.  He watched as the wind tugged at her beautiful long sandy blonde hair.  When she turned around she looked at him with her clear ice blue eyes.  She was wearing what she normally did a plain T-shirt shirt under a knitted sweater, a long light brown skirt that ended just above her ankles revealing dark brown ankle boots.  Her body seemed to sway as she walked over to him.  “Hi.”  She said walking up to him giving him a hug and eyeing the brown package in his hand. 

“Oh.  Hey!  How have you been?  Here I got these for you!  You look really nice tonight?”  He fumbled to find the right words to say. 

“Ha-ha.  Slow down!  Thank you so much for the flowers, now where did you want to grab a bite to eat?”  She asked looking like she was itching to go.

“I...I was thinking Falcona’s fancy?”  His words sounded as if they were water spilling off of his tongue unsure of which direction they should go. 

At that her smile started to fade.  “Oh umm…I only have Twenty dollars to spend?” 

“That’s ok it’s on me! “  He quickly replied.  

She looked warily at him then gave in.  “Ok lead the way.”

Author's Note

More up dated version added/removed parts. Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Darkening Shadow]

Nice. I would space it out cause it gets a little confusing when I was reading.
For example: "When someone is talking,have that on oneline," soandso said.
"Then when another person talks move it down onto the next line," My Advice said.
It helps space it out and lets readers follow who said what.
Hope this helps.
Good Job!

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you for the feed back I have just edidit it please let me know if it looks better and if i've missed any parts.

[Darkening Shadow]

Ya it works better, but I still think you could spread the larger paragraphs out more. Long paragraphs bother me, but if you like it don't change it on my account. Good Job!

[Mavs]

mm... some parts you forgot to put quotes after, like:
“Nop! I’m good! She said between bites.
It should be like this:
"Nope! I'm good!" she said between bites.

[Molly]

I thought it was really good! I think it would be best if you put more details in there like inthe very beginning I didn't know where they were very well. And adding more detail will help because the whole thing felt like it was going really fast
Other than that, keep up the great work!

[KYUnknown]

It was interesting, but there were grammatical mistakes that made it little hard to read. It also seems a little bit rushed, and I'm left confused at parts. But I do want to read on to the next chapter to find out what happens.

[Astrid Elaine]

The dialogue was pretty confusing; if you just added a new line for each new character speaking, it would flow a lot better :) The storyline (what time period are they in?) was a bit confusing at first, but in the end I got it. The one thing I am baffled at: why did he buy a diamond necklace for a woman he hardly knows? The motivation behind it is a bit far-fetched, for me at least.

But all of that is what editing is for, and I'll be looking at the next chapter!

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you for all the feedback. I don’t quite understand what you mean by giving them a new line do you mean like the phone conversation? I am not sure what more I can do to show the time period; in the next chapter it does clear it up. It’s kind of funny that you say the diamond necklace is far-fetched because it is actually a true story. :)

[Astrid Elaine]

Like this:

"Also you said you had something to ask me.”
“Oh right, ya, I did well- Ah well I got this for you.”

Just a new line for each piece of dialogue :) Hope that clears it up!

[Schyala]

Definatly loved the hook of the story. Amazing job :) 100/100 I will read on!

[AWickedMoon]

Thankyou! :)

[rex eynon]

interesting start to the story. i am eagerly anticipating the rest, though that wolf he saw in the car is worrying me. the layout confused me towards the end. all of the conversation threw into a single paragraph, though to be fair i still managed to see who was saying what :)

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you! I will defiantly look at the end I was kind of in a rush, wanted to start writing the next chapter! Ha-ha.

[rex eynon]

i am the same. the story just runs too fast in your head then suddenly you cant keep up :)

[Calibaster]

The only thing I didn't like was the absence of commas and the swearing! But that's just my religion. But it was a very good read. excellent job!!! Now you have to review mine!

[AWickedMoon]

Ha-ha yes I personally don’t swear much, I think I just really got in to the characters personality. I will try to fix the commas, and I’m glad to hear you like it! Now off to review yours!

[Calibaster]

Oh ok!

[Uroš D. Stojanov..]

You have my interest and I love the story so far... I'll read the next chapters asap.

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you! I'm glad it catches interest I thought the first chapter might be a bit boring, good to hear it’s not!