Shik Nurse

A Story by AVphysique

Somewhere between a blog and a famous persons political tweet that uses copy and paste facts

“I don't give a f**k about your faults or mishappens n***a. We from the Bronx, New York, s**t happens” I’m still bound by that doctor s**t right? I ask the nurse who is bobbing her head and skipping to the “And do the rockaway, now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back” verse and looked at me in a jokingly confusing way. Like she knows what I am asking but wants to f**k with me like psychologically and minor league physically. She looks like she doesn’t understand… but she does… It’s all very Next Level and if you have never been on the next level you just wouldn’t understand

There are very few people who have been on that level, my level, the next level… not even “people” really. There is a PERSON who has been on that level… my mom. The reason I know it is a Level “Plural” and not a Mindset “Singular” is because there are others who have shown the ability to get on my level… they might have experienced it… Nurse knows… Nurse is on my level

After the not even awkward pause where you feel the other up over the shirt verbally she says “Okay your not James right, you are Alex” and people in this town and the subsequent other 9 towns we play in high school football know I go by my middle name so its not that weird when she sings “Say my name, Say my name” and I follow up with “When no one is around” and she cuts in “Say baby I love you” and stands up “okay doctor will be in with you shortly”

Anal Examination… Sore Throat

Needing to talk to someone I frantically question “Wait are you guys really that busy?”

She sighs “No we just need to keep moving so the doctor can get in and I don’t know what are you here for?”

“Anal examination” I say without thinking how it will come across

She smiles “So your throat hurts?” She winks and turns to the door I am coming off as desperate now but who f*****g cares I need to talk to someone and I am in a hospital

“WAIT, ummmm” I stand up and take a step towards her

“Hold up” she says and walks towards the lounge and then comes back

“Here” she says dips the thermometer and waits to the point were it is above fever level. “This fever buys us more time to talk” she says

“Should I say I am suicidal?” I ask

“Not unless you want to be summoned to a psychologist” she says

The doctor barges in and proclaims “Look who it is! The local legend who got a standing ovation at his high school graduation”

I reach my hand out and give the doctor a high five

“He has a fever” the nurse says and as quickly as he barged in the doctor moonwalks back out

Me and the nurse get in a conversation “I think I met you before”

The nurse looks at me “yep” she says

“More than once” I say and she nods her head

“All the way back in high school” I say and she changes the subject quick

“So why are you actually here?” she asks

Deciding to be serious because that is what are level called for in this situation “I had a seizure”

“Were you the one who had a seizure right by the gas station?” she asks

I say no I just had a seizure like a week ago by the eye place and she scrunches her face “Oh”

“F**k” I say quickly that was me

“Damn” she has a dead face “you had 2 seizures in like a month”

I look down thinking this is a deal breaker

“Yeah I was on the rescue team or whatever” the nurse says valiantly

“How did I look” I asked

“Like s**t” she shrugs

Hardware Bar

Wanting to change the subject quickly I ask “Have you ever been to the hardware bar?”

Excitingly she said “No, but I have well know two people who went there Sarah and Jamie” I wondered why she perked up when I asked her.

“Yep I know them and thats kind of funny because the first time I went some girl just came up and made out with me I didn’t even need to say anything… and that is when I knew I peaked” we both cracked up, she thought it was hilarious that I said I peaked (The truth tends to be funny)

This was my chance to drop some of the mad stand up routine material I have been working on which is so funny in my head but realistically I am given praise for my bravery to stand on stage and talk… I am a f*****g knight of the round table. So sitting on the back of the chair and talking really won’t get me anywhere with her as far as good material goes. I am really just talking and hoping I find myself somewhere a long the way.

Picture

We are really just chilling at this point. She is straddling her rolling chair and shooting herself across the office. I am sitting on top of the back of my chair and reaching down to turn around a picture that was turned so haphazardly it was clear she didn’t want her patients to see it which is weird because when I turned it around it turned out to be her child

“Haha that is a great looking kid!” I exclaim and she stops her rolling chair she leaves a skid mark across the tile floor.

“Look who it is! The local legend who got a standing ovation at his high school graduation” the doctor says as he barges into the room

I reach my hand out