Now and yesterday nightmares

Between a peaceful life based on a small lie or a painful truth that will uncover the scars of the past... Between X & Y

Y called X “What happened to us? What have I done wrong? … if not then tell me why? Why we became like this! 

 We were in the same high school class for 3 years then we met again in college. Whenever I looked your direction, stealing glances. You’d return back my gaze with a smile on your lips. That warm smile that filled my days with happiness and serenity. I was really happy when you called my name and asked about me. You took any far and near chance to accompany me. I felt comfort and happy. We met again in a get together party, my heart didn’t stop beating after you asked me “Shall we go to some place alone?”

 I always felt special in your heart and you were always special in mine. You liked me, didn’t you? You were always watching me as I always watched your back. 

 You knew about my nyctophobia, right? Isn’t that why you’d always call my name whenever is a blackout. You’d come flying to my side. The warm breath on my shoulder and the hot skin touching mine. You took away my sadness and fear by your radiance. I no longer fear the dark because I already fell in your light. So please tell me why… Why we drifted apart? Why you began avoiding me! The gaze on your back, that you always noticed. Why are you ignoring it. The radiant smile and the happy look in your eyes why they became dull and captured in darkness. You evade my smiles and elude my calls. You shut your eyes off my waves and come up with lame excuses. I tried to be understanding. I tried to open up to you but then it was all my fault, if I didn’t tell you about my past. Maybe you wouldn’t have left me alone. 

 But It's all on me. I thought you were special, you’d understand. Not like the others you wouldn’t stick to me out of pity or sorrow. I knew that would happen but I kept hoping you’d accept me. I’m sorry for disturbing you. I’m sorry for deceiving you. If only I could turn back the wheel of time. I’d stop myself from telling you about what happened to me… the horrifying past of 13 years ago but for one last time. I want to tell you the whole deal for you, my special one.

 I was kidnapped, when I was a child. I don’t have much recollections of what happened. I didn’t know anything. I was taken and stripped, only with some torn clothes to cover my small figure, thrown on a rough floor, near the cold steel, blindfolded, mouth gagged and scared, out of breath from crying, scored lips and dry eyes. Strangely, I was supposed to think of it as the end. I should have tried to remember my happy memories with my family or with my friends. But in reality, there is no such drama… 

I didn’t think of my end. I didn’t think of my family. I didn’t think of my friends. I did just think of nothing. Emptiness bloomed within my heart and darkness shrouded my every limbs. Then a strange feeling covered my scars. It was the hand of a goddess. Slim plum fingers slipped an ointment on my injuries draining every pain and hurt I felt for days. Swapping my troubled mind and shaking heart with steady breathes and peaceful soul. With a simple touch they soothed my shackled heart and freed my trapped mind…

 2 days later, I was found and brought back to my parents. The kidnapper gave himself in, when i grew up enough I knew later the kidnapper was one of my father’s employees. His company bankrupted so he snatched me away and it was another family member that tipped him off to the police.

  As I grow up, I realized why I didn’t think of nothing. Why my mind went blank... Being in the darkness for 8 days happens to be an enough time to burn someone’s brain and scars one’s soul.

 So, I eluded that topic and covered my past. I transferred school and escaped from my old life, but where people found out my past, their eyes shifts and their looks changes. They became wary of me, careful with me. That hurt me a lot but I was never devastated. But when you left me too. I was heart broken. I used to bear it all alone, but you reached out for me first. I really regret not holding onto you. The 6 years we shared together, I destroyed it in one day...”

  X looked to Y after pushing up his tears, forcing his eager legs to grit hard on spot. Backing from taking a single step and holding back his calls ‘I recognized you with a single glance. You, the girl haunting my dreams. The girl tormenting my sleeps. The cause of my sorrow and the reason of my imprisonment. First time was in high school. I saw that beautiful smile in your face that soothed the shackles on my heart. Your happy face gave a space for me to breath. I thought you found a new life so I could finally emerge from my old life. 

 But at that time in one of our get-togethers. After a blackout, I saw your face pale white as a ghost, legs shaking and hands trembling. You forced a smile hiding behind you walls escaping the pain, that smile you pulled of shattered me in pieces, it almost choked me to death. It pulled me back to the bad dreams. I realized it instantly, but I always knew it. No way, she would forget this incident. I kept my feeling under a bellow. I pushed them away with every smile I had to put to return back your glances. With every time, I ran to your side calling, pressing hard on your small hands comforting you from the darkness. My heart was shredding and my screams were wailing deep into it. I tried to be your aid to be your friend but… I mistakenly fell for you. Its not out of pity. I always admired your way of facing problems. Your past did scare you bad though it didn’t hold you back. My feeling was genuine. May be out of pity and regret at first, but not anymore.

 I’m sorry I can no longer do this. I’m worn out and I’m tired from escaping. You’re not the only one with horrifying secret. I too, keep a monstrous truth in the deepest drawer in my head. A truth that will bring forth a disaster to both our worlds… I want to tell you it but it will shake your peaceful world. And destroy your life, the life you put all your power to barely manage on your own. I’m weak and coward and its only my way of running from you. You have every right to hate me. I too keep hesitating, is it really for you or for me. But I can’t bear the burden thinking like this. Allow me to become a coward on more time by thinking of it as a way of protecting you. I don’t have the right to ask for forgiveness. I just hope that smile would never part your face...

Hey, Y. What would you do if you found out that I’m your kidnapper’s son? I’m the boy from your dream that put an ointment on your feet

Those words. I can never tell you because I’m scared terrorized

right now of the thought of seeing what kind of reaction, you’d have on you face’

X looked into Y’s face with the same sad smile he always faced her and took a step back “Y, I am….”

Author's Note

first.. help me with title
second, What do you think of X's reply. and what might be Y's reaction if she found out the truth
I want your opinions, which side do you take.. X or Y? And if you're in whom you choose place... what would you do.. The truth or the lie
Or forgiveness or hating

excuse me for mistakes, hope you enjoy it

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

"Repetition", "Memory dead, memory alive", "faces and places, dangerous memory", " Now and yesterday nightmares", "Demons found again". I enjoyed the story. Intense and powerful words shared. Some ideas, many statements in the story too could be the title. Outstanding work my friend.
Coyote

[A.Tarek]

Man, thanks so much.
Happy that you enjoyed it. Though, it ought to have more editting

[Wyrn Tiger]

My nightmares bring the ghost of pain hard enough to drive me insane but I'm still sane...I think.

[wordman]

i enjoy reading great stories and this is great
don`t know which i would choose,and why would be a good title