Chapter 2 - “The endless road to despair”

 

                Spending his first day homeless he tried to reach out for his friends, he went door to door but to his surprise everyone he didn’t recognize anyone who had answered the door, he asked for the previous owners who he learnt had moved away and suddenly he saw himself alone in that city he had no friends, no family, everyone had moved on. He had walked for hours, going around looking for anything he could get his hands on to protect him from the cold at night, he then remembered that he knew of a spot just outside the city where there was a house no one lived in, it had been abandoned for years but there was a coal boiler he could use to warm himself up. He knew this because an old friend used to live there but had moved away, and since the murder that happened the house never sold. He slowly made his way looking for any kind of fuel he could use and picked it up on the way. When he had gotten to the house the moon was at its highest and it was snowing like a blizzard, he reached to open the door but his hand was frozen, hurting him to move his fingers, he tried using both hands and he cried out realising he couldn’t, cursing to God “Oh God, why me? Why this eh? Why?” He put his back against the door and slowly slid down until he was sat. He opened his jacket and closed it with his legs in and put his arms inside also as he shivered in hope to get warmed up, and as he did someone opened the door making him fall backwards.

                “Howdy mate, you’re freezing come in” said the man that had opened the door. Ilbert had not yet seen this man’s face as he had his hat covering his eyes. The voice sounded like it came from an old man with a really broken voice. “You’ll die out there.”

                Ilbert quickly fixed himself up and as he glanced at the man to ask who he was, he saw this slender old homeless man sitting down in front of the coal boiler which had now been brought upstairs from the basement. He wore a black beanie hat and a furry coat which had many holes in it, almost matching his gloves. He had long hair and a fuzzy beard. “Who are you?” he asked as the smell coming from the old man made him gag.

                “Name’s Neil, yours? Guessing you’re homeless now eh? Don’t worry you get used to the smell.” He said in a laugh “You probably don’t recognize me because you always ignored me in the street like everyone else, but I know you well, you always passed by the main avenue to grab a coffee from that fancy café and then you’d walk into the office building opposite.”

                Ilbert was shocked with how much the old man knew, almost creepy he thought. “If I was so horrible to you then why are you helping me?”

                Neil was not fazed by the question, and in a soft and gentler voice he spoke words that for Ilbert, not even could he have imagined. “You see, when you live in the streets, there is not much you do. You wake up from sleeping in a new corner, and then you look for food or beg for money. You then walk around some more; you sit and look at everyone. It is then when you realise that the world doesn’t stop, it’s constantly moving, and everyone is so busy with their own business they can’t stop to look at you. People you used to know now look at you with pity, they don’t stop anymore because they don’t want to be seen talking to a dirty old homeless man.” He took a second to breath and as he did he sighed, but this was not any sigh because with it came tears. “You see yourself alone in this world, and no one cares about what you do, no one cares about you. They simply pass you by like you’re nothing but a statue that moves from place to place, they glance at you and then they walk away.

                “That is when you learn that not having anything is nothing but a curse, but you learn to share, you learn to forgive, because in the end, we are all human beings with a story to tell.” He stopped and in hopes to lighten the situation he asked “So you tell me, how comes you’re here?”

                Ilbert then sat down in front of the old man, comforted by the warmth coming from the boiler, and almost in a laugh he said “I fucked up.”  They both laughed but then Ilbert became serious, his tone had changed and he began to explain how it all had started by saying how he used to have a gambling addiction, his girlfriend left after he had lost the majority of the money and he had to move out cause he had no money to afford rent, he then explained how he had to sleep in the car for two weeks before he had found another house and another job which he got fired from for ruining the business, and how then he had sold his car and everything else to try covering the debt he had, then in despair he gambled all of the money and lost it all again.

                “Well that’s stupid isn’t it?” asked the old man “making the same mistake twice.”

                “I had nothing to lose. I was going to lose everything anyway.”

                They then simply sat, enjoying the heat which made both fall asleep.

 

*

 

                A few weeks had passed, Ilbert had tried everything he could to try and gain his life back, he went around looking for jobs and got turned away every time. He started to give more meaning to the old man’s words as the days went by, people that used to know him now looked down on him, no one stopped to speak to him, no one but Neil, they had become quite close as friends.

                “Bert! I found a place that has the best sandwiches!” shouted Neil from across the road. People quickly looked back at Ilbert and laughed as they rushed past.

                “What you mean you found the place that makes the best sandwiches we have no money you nut.”

                “Just come with me”

                Ilbert followed Neil to the back to the supermarket which had the bins packed with expired food. This is heaven thought Ilbert to himself.

                “Oh my, look they have a B.M.T which only expired yesterday! And cake! They have cake Neil!”

                “I know, at the end of every month I always come here and feast on this delights!” said Neil excited.

                They had filled a whole shopping cart with food and took it back to the house. As they got closer to the house, they saw a man standing in the front door smoking.

                “Who’s that?” asked Ilbert.

                “That’s no good, that’s Josh, a homeless junkie” explained Neil “try to keep away from him as much as possible.”

                “But we’re still going in? Even with all this food? He’s going to want it!” Ilbert seemed agitated with the idea of sharing his food with someone he didn’t know, specially a junkie.

                As they arrived at the house Josh made his way down the little stairs and made a halt at the shopping cart. “That’s a lot of food you got there, I hope you’re thinking of sharing.”

                “Of course” said Neil hesitant to get into trouble.

                They all got into the house and divided the food equally while Josh sat in the corner messing around with a can of coke that had the bottom burnt up. Neil was uncomfortable for the whole time, he didn’t like Josh very much because he always ended up getting beat up when Josh smoked those crystals.

                “We should invite the rest of our brothers” said Josh as he stood up looking at the three stacks on the floor “it’s selfish to leave them hanging on this delights, ain’t that right Neil?”

                Neil simply nodded his head while Josh spoke, it’s like the light had been sucked out of him. Ilbert didn’t know what to do, he simply sat in the corner as he ate one of the sandwiches they had gotten, he had dreamt of the taste of bacon for a while, and there was nothing that was going to stop him from eating that sandwich.

                “You! Hey you! Yes you.”

                “Me?” ask Ilbert confused as Josh grabbed his attention.

                “What do you think you’re doing eating by yourself?” Josh hastily got up and walked towards Ilbert and snatched the sandwich of his hand.

                “What you doing? Are you my father now? We had this food before you got here, you don’t have the right to…” as just as he was speaking up holding his own ground Josh pulled out a blade a pointed it at him.

                “What? I didn’t quite hear you speak, perhaps you need some help with that?”

                “Calm down ok? There is no need for this” said Ilbert trying to save his own life, he was pale and his pupils dilated with fear.

                “Stop it…” mumbled Neil “… please don’t be like this… we got food, its okay…”

                “Shut up old man, I will shove this knife in both your necks by the end of the night if you keep pissing me off!” Shouted Josh waving the blade around “You hear me? No one touches the food until the rest comes along.”

 

*

 

                The house was filled with other junkie homeless people later that day and the stench in the house was now rotten. The smell of sweat was getting too much, and Ilbert stepped outside to breathe some air.

                “Hey, can’t take it no more?” asked Neil as he closed the door behind him.

                “I’m just wondering why all this people are here now.”

                “You know they won’t move away from here for a while now…” said Neil as he glared into the moon “They found a good place to stay, they aren’t stupid, now they have a warm place to do their drugs during the last few weeks of winter.

                “Do you have any dreams Bert?” he asked as he sat down in one of the steps.

                “I had a dream”

                “You had a dream? How comes?” asked Neil curious. “What was it?”

                “I had a dream to see the world, and become successful and that is why I gambled.” Ilbert looked at Neil who was looking back at him. He then smiled and went back to staring at the distant lights in the city.

                “Why don’t you do it?” playfully asked Neil, and before Ilbert could reply a man came from inside the house looking for Neil, he grabbed him and violently took him into the house.

                Ilbert got up in a flash and followed them back into the house to make sure they weren’t going to do anything to Neil, after all Neil was the only person he had.

                “Tell them Neil. Tell them how you didn’t want to share the spoils with them! TELL THEM!” Josh screamed demanding a confession.

                “Hey leave him alone you bunch of savages! What’d he do to you huh?” Ilbert asked furiously.

                “Leave it alone you; you have no say in here you peasant.” Said the man who stood across the room.

                “Bert… it’s okay they’re not going to hurt me…” as he spoke those words, Josh punched Neil in the stomach.

                “STOP IT!” Hopelessly demanded Ilbert who was becoming angrier at the situation “You leave him alone you f**k!”

                The man who was currently holding Neil dropped him on the floor and kicked him to the side, he then turned to Ilbert, and so did everyone else. Josh laughed like a maniac who was about to experiment on a rat. “You stupid little man, now you pay in his place.” Every single man in that room circled Ilbert and as they did so, he prepared to protect his friend’s honour and ran into the first man and started to beat him up. Neil scared crawled into a corner and looked away as he cried hopeless. The situated was becoming heated; Ilbert was lying on the floor hawking blood from his mouth.

                “Ok that is enough” said Josh as he cleaned his fist in some paper that was on the floor “he’s had was he deserved.”

                “F**k you…” Whispered Ilbert in an attempt to show he wasn’t frightened by the situation.

                “Oh? You still talk, but you can’t move!” and so he kicked him in the stomach winding him up.

                “Stop it…” whispered Neil once again from the corner of the room.

                “Sorry I didn’t hear you.”

                “I said… stop it.”

                “You said?” They laughed.

                Neil stood up shivering in dread and then clenched his fists as if he was ready to fight “I said stop it!”

                For a second the room became quiet, everyone was surprised at how Neil had reacted, but the silence was quickly broken with laughter and mocking, what was the old man thinking? Him against a house full of other men against him, it became rather comical until one of the other man stood in front of Neil. He was tall and built, he had the eyes of an eagle, but he did not look at Neil as someone who wanted to see him hurt, he simply turned to him and said “Stop it old man, you’ll get yourself killed.” He then turned back and told everyone to leave the old man be.

                The ambience had calmed down and Ilbert was now sitting outside in the door steps holding his ribs as Neil came outside once again.

                “Thank you…” he whispered “Thank you for saving me…” Ilbert looked at him with the one eye that he could still see from “I’m sorry I couldn’t stop them…”

                Ilbert didn’t know what to say, he was mesmerized at the old fool for the courage he had demonstrated. “You’re an old fool, you nearly got yourself killed.”

                “I didn’t want them to hurt you anymore…”

 

*

 

                A few days had passed, everyone would pick on the old man every night, but thankfully slowly the house had become emptier and emptier, until it was only Ilbert, Neil, Josh and the big man with the eagle eyes which they learnt his name was Richard who used to be a body builder but lost himself in the world of drugs.

                “The house is finally empty!” exclaimed Ilbert in relief he didn’t have to sleep next to anyone’s smacking breath any longer.

                The day went by quiet, Ilbert and Neil had gotten out fetching for food from the neighbouring bins. It was starting to become warmer as it reached spring and the smell in the air was a lot sweeter because of the flowers blooming in the fields.

                “It was a hard winter”

                “Sure was, thank God for spring!” exclaimed Ilbert has he took a deep breath of fresh air.

                Later that night Ilbert was sitting down by the window as he watched the bats flying close to the house, flying from tree to tree outside.

                “It’s funny” he said.

                “What is?” asked Josh who hated having the silence in the room broken.

                “No one ever passes by, and everyone that comes, always goes.”

                “Why is that funny?” Richard asked curiously.

                “Well… for starters this house is now basically ours because no one ever comes here. Secondly, where did everyone else go?”

                “Their own ways, finding different spots.” Had said Josh in an attempt to end the conversation.

 

*

                A month had passed and it was that time to visit the supermarket. Ilbert about had enough of being in that place being controlled by Josh, he was livid; he kept kicking rocks in the way with Neil to grab another shopping cart with food.

                “Let’s not go back” Ilbert said in an attempt to run.

                “It’s no use Bert… They’ll find us, it’s best to stay where we are; at least we have a roof, and some food.” Neil hadn’t been the same person since Josh came around and that is when Ilbert had made the decision to throw Josh out once they got back.

                They carried two carts this time; they had a lot of good food for a good two weeks! They had loads of canned food. Neil was pleased with how much they’d found and couldn’t wait to get back so they could eat. Meanwhile Ilbert was boiling up a plan in his head. He had planned all the ways he could talk to Josh, thinking of different scenarios, different outcomes and he was pleased with it. As they arrived in the house, Ilbert felt somewhat ready and called upon Josh who was examining the food.

                “Hey you.”

                Josh frowned and then he looked back at Ilbert “Excuse me?” he asked “Did you say something?”

                Ilbert suddenly felt threatened, he had seen this outcome but now he felt scared. “I uh… I want you to leave.”

                Josh didn't think twice he pulled out the knife and stormed into Ilbert who crawled into a pitiful ball on the floor holding his head. A few seconds had passed and he was wondering why he had not been hit, and as he opened his eyes Neil was in front of him, holding Josh's hand as he pulled the knife from his chest. Neil collapsed and Josh ran from the house.

                “No, no don’t do this to me, no!” Ilbert held Neil in his arms as his tears rolled down his cheek. “Why did you do that?”

                Neil with the little strength that he had left put his hand in Bert’s face and smiled. “Thank you, Ilbert Emerson, for being my friend when no one else wanted to. Thank you for protecting me when no one else was there.” He coughed, Ilbert kept insisting he stayed quiet. “Bert…” He whispered.

                “Ye… Yes Neil what is it?” Ilbert asked as he tried holding his tears, stuttering.

                “You must…” his last words came in a whisper and the wind blew ferociously outside.

                Ilbert cried, blaming it on himself as he wept embracing Neil in his arms.

                “It was my fault…” Ilbert’s eye slowly became blank; he didn't cry any longer, he simply sat there with Neil in his arms; it was almost Neil’s last words had left him.