THE HIGHWAY OF MY PAST aka VIEW FROM MY REAR VIEW MIRROR

Looking back can sometimes be not so good.....

THE HIGHWAY OF MY PAST

It is two days past Christmas. I find myself staring at the keys on my keyboard. Thoughts of the words I’m trying to express seem so difficult now to relay from my fingers to this magic board.
 Once words of my feeling flowed easily. When you read my words you said It made the day brighter, made you feel alive, made your day start with a smile. How nice that was to hear. It made me smile too as I read your reply .  Now it seems these keys are sluggish, not wanting to express my deepest feelings.
 Seems yesterday I let my heart overrule my judgment. Let my heart cloud my mind Something I was never to do again I said. But life is not always filled with the best judgments one has made. Life comes with a rear view mirror. That mirror is called your Memory.
 As I look back now I see many of my judgments scattered upon the highway of my past. Most I have learned from, some I have not. Some changed my life, some have hurt others but many have hurt only myself.
 Again it seems that my judgment in terms of the heart is scattered upon the black top of my life. Thought that I found the one. One who I wanted to share what I have left inside me. Wanted her to feel the same.

  Like most roads, our relationship had some pot holes but they were quickly filled. Our emotions ran like a Corvette on a highway that had no speed limit. But as one knows, Speed Kills. Maybe it was the beauty of her body. Maybe it was the way she purred. Maybe just the lust of life she seemed to have, made the thrill more and more enticing...
 That was two days ago. Today, though her beauty still spurs my mind, the fuel seems to have run dry. Once emotions gave life to its very engine. Made it purr. Now that purr is stalled and stuck in the quagmire of my shattered past..
 I let you look into my mirror. Gave you what you asked for, a view into my past. Even went back and picked up many of the pieces that I thought I had left behind for good. But to my sorrow you took those pieces, scattered as they were, made them a photograph in your mind. Now that is what you see. I can not, or will not blame you for what you now perceive as me. I am what I am. Yes I guess all what I am now is from what I was in the past.
 I am not a life's mechanic. I looked under the hood all last night to see if the problem can be fixed, wanting to start the engine of emotion again. To hear it purr. To see its beauty racing through our lives. But I find I can not solve the problem. It seems it is festered too deep for me to understand …

I can not slay a dragon
With a sword of tin.
Tried to do it once.
Found I could never win

 I so want those emotions to run again. Want to ride the beauty it once possessed. Want the love of that engine that made my heart beat. My blood flow hot. My mind speeding with what the future holds.
But I have no delusions. I have seen what my rear view mirror has reflected. That sometimes pieces of one’s life lay upon the highway. Scattered. Destroyed. Too broken to be able to be fixed.
 I will not try and tell you that my past is any different than what you have seen. I have opened up my heart. Taken it apart . Now to put it back together again with out you will be a difficult task. I will have to look in that rear view mirror of my life once again. Maybe, just maybe, I can fix some of those broken parts that lay scattered on 'The highway of my past

tk

Author's Note

we have mirrors now don't we comments welcomed

Reviews

[Raven Starhawk]

There were absolutely no weak elements here. It holds my interest entirely and was fascinating to be involved in. The characters are three dimensional. That is a great thing!

[Kat Collins]

Very emotional and moving - I love the references to the car and "highway of my past." How often do we hide our past from those we love for fear of this very thing? Our past makes us who we are, but it does not define us. We can take that past, embrace it, and weave it into the fabric of our being - for without that past, we wouldn't be the person they love today.