A Moment Please.

A moment of your time please...

Someone asked me one time what I wanted to do with my life. I told them that if it made me happy I wouldn't care. Happy. What is that word? Does it have any kind of true feeling behind it? Or is it just a word that we came up to express the feeling of not being sad. I say this because, I am not sad, but I am not happy. I have been this way for a long time. I am not sad, I am not happy, but I am not numb. I am somewhere in between sad and happy. Somewhere lost in this world. What is causing this, I have no idea, all I know is that happiness seems to elude me at every opportunity it gets. I am not angry, or so I think, I am in limbo. Yes, limbo seems to be the word that would best describe this feeling I have. This feeling that I have had for too many years now. I have no real care in life, other then I want to be alive and see what tomorrow will bring for me. Honestly, this whole world and all the hateful people in it could implode tomorrow and I would feel nothing. I am not emo, I do not walk around wishing for the world to end, I am simply stating that if it were to happen, I would not be troubled by it. I am tired of seeing people hate each other so much. What reason is there? Is there any? Or is it just some way of making yourself look like some sort of alpha male. I swear going to WalMart makes me throw up. Watching people waste their money on all the stuff they didn't need yesterday, but since their friend has it they have this need to get it for themselves.

 

In the past few months I have been very conflicted from watching people. My mind has stopped working correctly and it is beginning to spiral out of control from the utter disgust I have with so many people. I have had my cable turned off, because I could not force myself to watch anymore of it. The garbage that gets spread from that box is horrible. The shows they put on their tell you, look how awesome your life could be. Look at how horrible your life is compared to these people. Or they show us a man who has buried himself in whatever he picks up because his mother died and that was the only person who understood him. So, we sit on our couch and point and laugh at him, or we feel sorry for him. We tell ourselves, how could they get like that, why is no one helping him. We portray his problems on the tv so that everyone can see it. It is all ridiculous to me and I think all forms of TV should be cast away. The entertainment industry has gone too far and is now brainwashing people to a point that makes me sick.

 

Now I am just sitting here and staring at the computer screen hoping that something will come to mind that I can write about. Sadly, my mind is in such a chaotic state right now that I cannot calm it. I am a man that has truely given up on humanity. This world has become full of people that do not care about each other whatsoever. When I say hello to people and ask total strangers how they are, they look at me like I am some kind of monster! They have become so detached from kindness being shown to them from a stranger that they think I have some kind of ulterior motive! There is something wrong with that picture! My only true friends are people that I have never met. We talk on the internet about anything and everything, because in real life people don't want to take the time to meet someone. And it is because they are afraid of what you really want from them. People have been used so many times that they do not trust a single person. When you say hello to them and how are you doing they look at you with these eyes. Sure they will say how are you back, but you can just see the distrust in their eyes. It is sad what we have been reduced to.

 

- Social Corpse

Author's Note

I thank you for taking the time to read this.