Self medicated

Self Medicated

I know i’m not addicted, I can’t be addicted

Maybe emotionally but not physically,

I can stop whenever, I tell myself

But can I really?

I’ve done it before,

I know I can,

I don’t want too…

I just need medicated

There’s a ball of anger,

building,

building,

up.

So many years,

It's starting to explode,

so many emotions at once,

It's hard to control,

but I got self medicated,

I’m angry at the world,

I’m angry at them,

I’m angry at you….

it's okay though, I got self medicated,

Upset everyday,

Where were you?

They wanted me dead,

Where were you?

They said i was ugly,

Anorexic,

Schizophrenic,

I wasn’t cool enough to hang,

Where were you?

I don’t need you…

I got self medicated

They stepped all over me,

but i slept the pain away,

you were gone,

you didn’t see

I didn’t want to be here

but then,

I got self medicated

I needed you,

Emotionally,

physically

mentally

Dad,

Where were you?

Do you even know me?

My life

I’m the “town w***e”

But i haven’t lost my virginity

Im “doing drugs”

but I hadn’t even hit the blunt then,

You had no idea

But i got self medicated,

All the pain you caused me to have,

I eventually got medicated,

I puffed and passed,

The pain went away,

It's all better now right?

No

It’s still there, it's only temporary

So,

once every week?

no

once every 3 days?

no

Every day?

try again…

multiple times a day,

7 days a week,

I self medicated,

I eased the pain,

Where were you dad?

Where were you when i needed you the most,

You were supposed to be there to talk,

to comfort,

to ease,

but you weren’t,

Your friends,

your beer,

your cigarettes,

They were way too important to you

but that’s okay,

I got self medicated