Chime of silence

Chime of silence

 

Quietness enveloped the site stealthily

Changed the peace of mind swiftly

Noise although looks terribly annoying,

Bugged her all the time she spent repenting.

Sitting in her secluded chamber

The lady in hued blue wear stared and peered.

The world seemed to be in her captivity

As each atom on her way kept secrecy.

 

Vulnerably she ran helter-shelter

In search of the solitary divine vector.

The leafs rustled and the sky tussled,

Clouds moving craftily, pompous to show their proficiency

Crashed with fierce will, on their arena of expertise.

Crackling thunders what could be heard,

To torment the ecstasy more, the ghoul of ghostly wind doubled.

 

The white ironed bed with a pale tedious cover

Made her more reckless for each passing hour.

She couldn’t make out why the footsteps never approached

Wondering why each passerby was following such intense manner,

Neither could she step a step without tumbling of her corpulent body.

Nor could she make out what was being spoke by those motioned lips.

Shrieked she, with her lungs vibrating breaking all the resonance

Gave up and collapsed sobbing.

 

Tears rolled as she could sense the column of warmness descending

Gave up all her lingering hopes as the vision of the clouds was disappearing.

Picked herself up she recollected

All that spotlight on her in that bed

Gazing out wretchedly, she could see those leafs rustle

Those clouds crumble, and those gleeful sparks of nature mumble.

 

In there without a single indication, appeared a man with a white cloak

Wounded around his neck was his stethoscope

He smiled at her with a sense of wheedle,

But somewhere that sensible lady detected trouble

Asked she repeatedly,” what is wrong with me?”

To which the gentleman sighed and scribbled some words of curio and mystery indulged,

He handed over the piece of papyrus

That said some words in silence that nearly changed her world

 

“Mishap that occurred took the spirit out of each victim

Treaty was made in heaven to pay you off with your honest vigor,

Saved as you are the only one

Those unholy sprits who envy your grace possession,

Revolted and called for a settling amendment.

That lord of golden gates with remorse gave them words of iron

Called for the blind lady of turning wheel and told her to part you away with a valuable possession,

For which she let you see the blissful world

But in return took away the chime of the sound you hear.

I apologies on behalf of the cloud colonial.

Ink and paper cannot demonstrate the guilt and somber

But I promise to counsel you in your needs whenever.

I advice with an encouraging plight

Glow with bliss as it’s the only antidote for facing this site.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Irfan Bashir Shah]

You have the potential to be a good writer. And since you are an Indian, i feel an obligation to review your work.
You connect the dots pretty well and the last stanza gives your poem a spiritual depth.
I don't believe in flattery and one line reviews. I hardly review, but when i do, i make sure it leaves an impact. So, believe me when i tell you that you have potential. Your vocabulary is good and with time you'll get a better idea about how to place your words perfectly. Your grammar is strong too. But what impressed me the most was the creativity and a sense of incessant and rhythmic flow of emotions in your poetry.
In the next few sentences, i will point out some of your mistakes or the words i think didn't fit in; i hope you'll not feel offended or judge me as intrusive.
I hardly visit this website, because i never got any honest reviews. People here live in a fantasy world of theirs, contemplating the fictions of their ignorance. Your work will be hardly read by anyone here, and you'll always know it. Take for example the guy below; do you think he even read a stanza of your poem. NO! If he had, he would have written a much better and in-depth review.
Here goes nothing:

white ironed bed (stanza 3 line 1). This phrase for me stands insidiously odd. Please explain it, if you may.
motioned lips (line 6). I think you should find a better word instead of motioned. It intrudes the flow of your poem. It's totally up to you
leafs rustle (stanza 4 line 5). Leaves would be a better word and also grammatically appropriate instead of leafs.

Wounded around his neck was his stethoscope (stanza 5 line 2). Please review this line. It does not, grammatically speaking, synchronize with the line before it. I think you should rewrite it.
Asked she repeatedly,” what is wrong with me?”(stanza 5 line 5). It's perfectly okay. Just check the quoting commas.
words of curio (second last stanza). Curio may not be the best fit in. Hope you change the word.

I apologies on behalf of the cloud colonial. (last stanza). It should be apologize instead of apologies.

That said some words in silence that nearly changed her world (stanza 5 line 8). Instead of 'that said', maybe you should write 'that read'.

Also, the title sounds a little off beat. How about "The Rhythm of Silence"? Chime sounds childish. But, hey! That's completely up to you.

I hope i didn't waste my 15 minutes for nothing and my review was useful. I'm a little rusty and time eludes me, otherwise, I would've loved to review more of your work; maybe next time.
You are a good writer, trust me you are.
Word of advice: Most people on this website just want reviews for reviews. They don't appreciate someone's good work and are ignorant as hell. You'll be better off without caring about false and pretentious reviewers. Always welcome constructive criticism; it'll help you grow as a writer.

Thank You for your patience. Keep up the good work.

Irfan.

[Jennie Baron]

An honest review without being mean. I'm fairly new here and resolve to be honest and unpretentious and truly read attentively and know whereof I speak when I do review something. Thanks Irfan!

[Irfan Bashir Shah]

You're most welcome.

[Gobinder Singh Dhindsa]

Wow.. Nice writing. Keep writing. If possible then Do u read my writing Anguish?

[Anushka Saha]

Thank-you so much.

[Gobinder Singh Dhindsa]

U r welcome