Maturity is Bittersweet

I'm not going to tell you what this is about. You'll have to guess for yourself.

 

Maturity is Bittersweet

 

Such insecurity.

Such foolish naivety.

It all comes back to haunt me.

 

A little girl hiding

In the corner of a closet.

What did I do to deserve this?

 

You got me wrong, and yet you got me right.

 

Dark dreams of violence.

Fear in your presence,

But I know you regret it.

 

Could have been better.

So jealous of her.

Next time, I'll try harder.

 

You didn't know the guilt I felt at night.

 

You never thought it through.

You didn't know what to do.

I never listened to you.

 

The offenses grew larger

Once I was older.

Such a sad, confused girl.

 

I'm so sorry I rejected what you taught me.

 

You knew what would hurt,

And you were successful.

I was never good enough.

 

Evil I am?

Let me make it easy then.

You'll be telling the truth in the end.

 

I just wanted to break free from the shackles you and I put on me.

 

Did you know of the tears?

Did you know of the years

I spent in spiritual weariness?

 

Apparently not.

I see now I was wrong.

It's been silently painful.

 

All I ever wanted was to make you proud.

 

I regret what I was.

I only wanted your love.

Now I just want your trust.

 

But I see it in your eyes.

You keep giving me chances.

You never wanted this.

 

Please forgive me now.

 

You went about it

The wrong way for me.

You don’t see what I see.

 

I look through smaller eyes.

Eyes that wonder why

You said my love was a lie.

 

Can a change in me erase and fix all?

 

You only meant well.

I just couldn’t tell

Because you made me so brittle.

 

But now see,

All along it was me.

You can’t know the deep regret I feel.

 

I'm sorry I blamed you, when it was my fault.

 

May 23, 2011