First Meet

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 I’ve been hearing things before, seeing things as well. From inordinary unreal whispers from half of everyday people to out of this world cosmic constellation in a well lit park at night.
    It’s too bad hallucination cannot just be beautiful gazes. For the sake of attachment to the world everyone see everyday, medications are a must. I’ve been diagnosed with schizophrenia since I was sixteen, and swallowing anti-psychotic ever since.
    To be honest, I’m not too excited about the first day of college. It’s just an extension of high-school with a money sign on top.
        College is a place for reinvention
    But not for me. It will be the same lonely days and empty nights doing absolutely nothing. I’m on the city bus to the University of Tampa. A longing ride, especially with the empty bus and bad scenery.
    Handling this illness for awhile was manageable, just take two a day and I can differentiate the real world from my other world. Sometime I skip my medication at nights to see my other world because the real one is just disappointing.
    Recently though, there has been a relapses even when I take the medication. Bugs, strange lights, weird ocean noises that seems real but where out of place enough that I ignored them. Hallucination don’t usually get the best of me. I laugh after every one of them thinking it’s a way my mind telling a joke. It’s when they fool me is the problem, perspective change and memories are meaningless.
    The bus finally arrives at a bus stop in a parking lot, a sign reads “South Parking”.
        The place is pretty big
    I’ve only seen pictures and campus maps for which building and room my courses are in. I never imagine it to actually be this big, double..maybe triple the size of my high school. I got off the bus and glance at my printed schedule and campus map for directions
        ECN 645 L GAME THEORY Winter, K. 10:10a - 12:20p JS 233B
    I followed the map to the building, everyone seems to know where they were going and half were checking their cellphones. I got on the bus at 8:50am and now it’s 10am, a long bus ride indeed. I found the building in a cluster of similar twins, the double doors were heavy and I struggled in surprise of the weight. There were three others in an elevator going up so I took the stairwell.
        SC 229, 230, 231, 232, and finally 233
    I walked into the classroom and took the only seat available, next to a girl that I decided at the time to be “good looking”.There were 25 desks and each desk were designed for two students per table. Miss good looking pulled the chair out for me. She smiled with her eyes.
She started “Hey, hi”.
“Hey” I replied after a pause.
“Junior?”
“..yeah”
“Well you chose the right class to be bored in, I’m in my third year also”
“That’s...yeah”
    Conversation was always hard, especially with someone like her. It’s hard to focus, as if she’s speaking Latin. Why does she have to be so.. vibrant.
“Seems kinda small to be a junior” she remarked.
“I’m seventeen, finished my Associate the same time I graduated.”
“Oh oh, fancy fancy”
    Perhaps I shouldn’t have said that, maybe I should have just said my age and let her wonder the rest.
“I mind as well know your name for the next hour.” I acted nonchalant
“Ellie, Elle for short”
“hmm...”
“What, is something wrong with that name?”
“No.. it fits”
    The professor walked in, a woman. A surprising outcome, I thought for sure Sidney Winter was a male. Not that I prefer one or the either, this course was the only game theory course offered in the summer terms.
“Hello all, as you all know I am professor Winter”
    He walked to the podium.
“If you don’t have you books yet, I recommend you bust out your credit card and stroll through the infamous bookstore at the west end of the university”
    Some slight chuckles from the students. My table was all the way in the back, in the right corner of the classroom. It was a little tough to see the professor talk and I gave up after a few side sways.
“This course is game theory, but of course you all should know that”
“Your first day will rather be easy, we’re gonna play two games of decision making and assets why you chose those decisions. I am passing out three handouts please take one of the package and pass them back. When you get the package, please start looking at game one.”
    The papers got passed to the first row, and like a domino effect the handouts eventually got to us in the far back. I flipped through them, Ellie didn’t seem to mind much and continue looking for instruction.
“So first of all, this class will be a simple asset of strategic decision making. As you learn in your pre-requisite classes.”
“You should know that strategic decision are decision with losses and gains through not only your own decisions ,but others as well.”
    Ellie laughed silently.
“For example, companies such as Ford and Honda have to worry about what it’s competitor are doing, so they can decide a reaction of their own. Which comes down to a central question.”
“As a group of students ,or as a group of two for some of you sitting on the far side. It is better to cooperate or compete with each other to get a better grade in this course. Discuss your opinion to your colleagues, and we will being game one shortly”
“So, blue eyes, what’s your opinion?” She smiled
“..cooperation, two minds are better than one after all”
“Thoughts mutual, I feel the same”
“It’s Aurora by the way.” I paused, “But Rora for short” I imitated her tone from when she told me her name.
    She laughed, “Cute, in an annoying way. I hope I don’t sound like that though”
    Winter started to explain game one to the class. “In simple context, game one is a hypothetical way to determine your grade. You and your partner are given two choices, α or ™.”
“If you both choose α, you both get B-. If you both choose ™, you both get B+. If you chooses α, and your partner chooses ™, you will get an A and your partner will get a C and vice versa.”
“Obviously the game wouldn’t be fun if you knew what your partner chose, so fill in your choice on the game page secretly and we will discuss why or how you choose your decision”
    If I choose ™, the two outcome can be B+ in the best case and C in the worse. If I choose α, an A would be the best outcome and B- would be the worse. Obviously α is the overall better choice, even if the letter grades don’t have a point system.
    I glanced over at Ellie. Blonde hair, blue eyes, wearing a hoodie with shorts.
That outfit is a contradiction
    She glanced back, “Either you’re checking me out, or you’re trying to see what decision is. Either way, tisk tisk” She didn’t look at me, but I can see she had a smirk on her face.
    I laughed “I was doing the second thing you mentioned”
“Right” Sarcastically and raised her eye brows. That smirk seems to be imprinted on her face though.
“Ok, now hold up your paper for game one”
    The class held up their answers. From the back of the room, I could see there was a hundred different ways of holding up a sheet of paper.
“It seems that there are 5 cases one, 7 cases two, and 13 cases three. 33 α’s and 17 ™’s in total. 33 of you was hoping your partner would choose ™ for you to get your A and 17 of you was hoping your partner would choose ™ so you and your partner would both get B+”
    Ellie winced at me, “You should have choosen ™, and given me an A”
    I smiled, “We’re one of the 5 groups who were both greedy, and for that we both B-’s”
“Not as bad as some of those who got C’s” Ellie remarked
    Winter pointed at a student in the second row, “You there with ™, tell me why you chose that decision”
    An awkward pause spread through the room, and then..
“Well, ™ is the obvious cooperative choice. If both subjects chose ™, the mean grade would be B+’s, the best average overall.”
    Winter, now sitting on his desk with a sophisticated posture.
“Good observation, let’s hear another. You the young lady in the far back, why did you choose α?”
    He pointed at Ellie, and she quickly replied.
“Well even though the ™™ show the best mean letter grades of all, the possible loss from choosing ™ is much greater than choosing α.”
 “Since I do not know my partner choice first hand, α would denote as a safer choice with the worse outcome being B-. The payoff for choosing α is consequently is higher than ™.”
    Winter got off the desk and moved to the podium again.
“And would you have chosen differently knowing your partner chosen α also?”
    I yawned. A rhetorical question
    Ellie replied, “Of course not, the result would depreciate from the current”
    Winter concluded that α is overall the superior choice for two reasons. One being that our decision doesn’t affect our partner because they have no ways knowing you choosing α. Two, even if could tell your partner what to choose, it would be in your best interest to choose α anyway because the payoff matrix would yield a 3.
    The class went on and there was no more games after the first, just tedious note taking and awkward silences when Winter is searching for his class material. I glance at the clock every awkward silences there was.
11:13a, 11:28a, 11:43a, 11:56a
    Then as if it was a dream, a siberian husky roams around the classroom, pacing then sprinting.
No...another relapse, I forgot to take my psychotic pills.
    But I didn’t want to take them now, especially with no water. I find it hard to swallow pills without fluids. Even if I succeed, my throat would burn from the pill residue. I thought about asking Ellie for her unopened water bottle in her backpack on the floor.
    A few minutes later it was too late, she finally brought up the thirst to take a full sip from her water bottle.
My god I would kill for water right now
    But I couldn’t get up and leave, I would miss something important from the lecture and everyones eyes would be on me when I re-enter. When people look at me, I always think they’re thinking something about me. Something bad.
How insecure, Rora..
    Eventually 12:05 arrived, and Winter gave the class the standard see you next week, check your syllabus, print out your required in-class games and discussion, ext. ext. ext.
    I got up from my seat.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you next week” Ellie said tiredly.
I winced “Afraid so, till then”
    She frowned, we left the room separated by the other classmates in between us. No doubt the elevator will be crowded so I took the stairwell once again. After 18 steps and three heavy doors to open.
    I finally left the building. I unzipped a portion of my backpack, reaching back awkwardly like trying to scratch an itch and got the schedule. I felt the medicine bottle.
Completely forgot
    But it didn’t matter, it was empty. I forgot to refill my subscription at Wal-Greens yesterday.
Urgh.. another day of being crazy
    I fumble around to get the schedule and map, ten minutes to get to my next class. I paced quickly across the courtyard through numerous students, all taller than me. Male, females, hell I might as well be the shortest kid ever.
    My search came to an end and I found the classroom. SC 128
    First one here, which seat to choose. I found it quite comfortable at the far back in game theory. No one could see me or look at me unless they turned their head around, so I picked the same seat position.
I guess auditorium style classes are played out
    It felt like high school, just a slightly bigger classes and more mature classmates. Same whiteboard, same podium, same lighting. Although the doors here were made of the most heavy metal known to man, and the chairs were shaped in a upside-down number 4. It was hard to resist the urge to sway back and forth las if it was an old fashion rocking chair.
    Then she walked in. I was in shock, it wasn’t Ellie but someone who looks exactly like her. Besides the brunette hair and clothing choice, the face was exactly the same.
Identical twin? Really? And I’m in class with both of them? What’s the odd?
    She stood for a moment and decided where to sit like I did when I first entered, and started walking toward my table.
Wow if only I was this favorable in high school, I guess college does reinvent you either way.
“Hey, anyone sitting here?”
    I hesitated, “Not that I know of”
“Great, I’m Alis” She said with confident and hype.
    The pronounce of her name was weird.
“Like ‘Alice in Wonderland’ Alice?”
    She smiled and rolled her eyes.
“No, Alis.” She spelled it out slowly “A-L-I-S”
    I looked at her puzzled one brow higher than the other.
“That’s new, unique name you have”
“Thanks, you too Rora”
She knows my name? They must be identical twins, or sister at least.
“How did you know?” I asked
“You can’t guess? Ellie is my sister, my identical twin if you were wondering”
Wow, what are the odds
“She mentioned me then? Otherwise you wouldn’t have known my name”
    Alis rolled her eyes again with the smile, but it was cute. Not annoying like all the cheerleaders back in high school.
“Yeah she did, a name like that deserves a mention.”
“Aurora” She mumbled”
“To be honest though, I thought you were a girl when I heard Aurora. Not ver common to begin with and more uncommon for a boy to possess it”
    More students walked into the class, and pause looking at their paper.
Must be checking their schedule to see if they found the right room.
    Several sat in the front portion of the room, some sat in the middle, and one sat in the far back opposite to me and Alis across the classroom.
“I used to hate the name, but I learned to like Rora at the least. I much prefer it over Aurora”
“Noted, ‘Rora’.” She over pronounced than necessary.
    Even more students flooded in and nearly 50 out of 50 seats were now taken. Only two seats remains in the front near the podium.
“So Rora, are you into my sister? She seems pretty hypnotized a second ago when she talked to me”
I don’t even know these girls too well
    I blushed slightly, but managed to contain it before my head felt like exploding.
“I don’t know her like that, she’s seem pretty calm though”
    Alis smiled, “Is that a good thing?”
I like calm, reminds me of the tides at Tampa Bay. So relaxing.
“It’s not a negative attribute if that’s what you’re wondering”
    Alis chuckled “Well, maybe I should fix you guys up”
    I blushed, this time unable to contain it. The teacher walked in, Mr. Niles.
Ellie was comfortable to sit with, I feel very uncomfortable right now.
    Niles didn’t waste any time explaining the difficulty of the course or the fact that more than a third of us would fail or withdraw.
“This is college Calculus I, this isn’t the same calculus you had in high school”
    I haven’t taken calculus yet, only trigonometry and pre-calculus at my local community college back in my hometown.
    Alis leaned her head toward me to whisper, “So, how about it”
“How about what?” I honestly forgot what the conversation was about.
“Wanna hang out with me and Ellie, mainly Ellie, after this lecture?”
I wish I could, but I might hallucinate something and come off as crazy
“Sorry I can’t, my bus leave 10 minutes after this class ends”
    After the torture of keeping a straight face in game theory as the husky puppy ran around and trip and slide on several occasion, hallucination can only get worse from here on out. Good thing it wasn’t a hallucination that made my reaction scream hey I’m crazy.
“Why is she so interested in me, isn’t she two years older?”
“Oh? how old are you?”
Sigh...
“Seventeen” I said disappointingly
    She looked at me, surprised. “Hmm, I don’t know. Mystery even to me, maybe I’ll ask her later”.
    The class continue and went on. More of the infamous note taking and several calculation practice on the TI-84plus Calculator. No hallucination have set in yet since the siberian husky puppy. I kinda miss him, it isn’t the first time I hallucinated that dog. I’m not the least interested in calculus but need it for my major. The class went faster than I anticipated, Niles didn’t cover a lot but time flew anyway. I look at the clock above the whiteboard.
1:23p
“That’s it for today, and I’ll see you all again tomorrow. Have a good day and being on chapter 5-1 homework.”
    I decided to sit down and take longer than necessary to pack up to allow all the students in front of me to leave. I wanted to leave without saying anything else.
“See you tomorrow Rora” She seems disappointed
“Unavoidable right?” It didn’t come across as a joke.
Smooth...
    She left, leaving me the last to leave as the work I laid out on the desk was more messy than I thought. After gathering everything and putting my backpack on I went for the door. Niles stopped me
“You’re quite young to be in my class.” He winced
“oh?”
“It’s no problem, but I have to ask..who were you talking to?”
    Oh no... my worse fear, another hallucination
I tried to look confused, “Excuse me professor Niles?”
“At the beginning and the end of class. You seem to turn your head to talk to someone, but no one is there. Are you feeling ok? Should I call someone?”
    Alis? Alis was a hallucination? I didn’t talk to anyone else so that must be it.
“Umm.. no I’m fine, I just think aloud sometime is all”
    Niles doesn’t seem to be convinced.
“Well ok then, have a nice day. If you have any problem with the homework just email or ask tomorrow in class”
“Will do, thanks..”
    I left the room, I must be getting used to the weight of the door because they seem to fry open easier now. I walked off to the southern portion of the university.
Wow, Alis was a hallucination. Damn brain, what’s wrong with it’s sense of humor.
    Can’t be helped I guess, I will remember to stop at Walgreen and refill my subscription this time. Hopefully no one else in the class thought much of the conversation between me and my imaginary friend.
    I sat down at the bus stop, two other students are here waiting also. They seem to know each other as one seems to be complaining about long hours of work and the other arguing that at least it’s a job. When the bus arrived, we got on the bus. Plenty of space again as there was only two others on the bus, not including the driver. I paid a dollar and the other two just showed a bus pass.
I should get one, I might be riding for awhile since I can’t drive now.
    The bus started to run and the hour more or less bus ride begin. I wish I can drive my Sabura Impreza WRX sport edition. My first major purchase and I only drove it twice. Three days after that purchase, the incident happen. But that was a long time ago. Two years ago next month to be exact.
    I feel bad for not missing or grieving for my parents death after it happened. The police said it’s common from news as dreadful as those, but I know in my heart I did not know my parents or wished to know them and their feeling towards me was the same.
    I didn’t need the money from my dad’s life insurance, so I let some other family member have it after court. I wasn’t eighteen anyway, so the money would be useless for the next three years, not that I needed it anyway.
    The bus driver picked up the speaker, “We’re gonna fill up at a gas station, will be a 10 minutes delay”.
More waiting...
    I got off the bus and walked to Walgreen, it was only a third of a mile and the apartment I’m staying at is practically right next to it.
Still wish I can drive though
    I make money selling painted canvas, they just collect dust at my old house anyway so I thought I mind as well let someone else enjoy it. A long time ago, I gave them away to several teachers and libraries for free. When I came back to the library the next time after that the receptionist said she had my money.
What money?
    The receptionist went to the back and returned with a sealed envelope.
“Your painting sold quickly, higher than we thought too. We took 10% of the money for putting your art up to be sold of course”
“umm..thanks”
    I left the library that day and opened the envelope.
$560.59, just for ten or eleven paintings??
    I got the bunch of art supplies from an art teacher. They were resupplying and was going to throw it out anyway. Who knew garbage can turns into the first hundred I made. The $560 was the first real resources I had, and in a couple of months it grew exponentially with endless nights of paintings random abstractive pieces of art.
And no one knew the money I had until my parents died from that car accident
    I laughed, people can do amazing things that are left unnoticed. I reached the Walgreen after four blocks and walked in. Ding Ding. An older lady was working the cash register.
“Hi, welcome to Walgreen”
    I tunneled through the aisle and made my way to the pharmacy section. I haven’t had my subscription refilled since I’ve moved here. The Walgreen was exactly the same, but there was something different. Something unfamiliar..I liked it. I guess it’s the feeling of independence.
    The pharmacist came to the counter, a tall man with lab coat.
“Can I help you?” Someone must have had a bad day to use that tone
“Yeah I just need a refill”
    I showed him the prescription and he sighed.
“I’ll be right back with your order”
“Ok thanks” Someone had a bad day indeed
    He’s not the only one, I liked Ellie and was pretty excited about being interested in. Even though Alis was uncomfortable to be around with, I liked her too for some odd reason.
Oh god, what if Ellie was a hallucination too
    Not the worse problem I guess, others would love to have my problem compared to their situation. I rather be diagnosed with schizophrenia than cancer at the moment. How awful it must be for others to know their deadline, guess schizophrenia isn’t so bad when compared to terminal illness.
    I shifted my weight onto the other leg, the pharmacist is taking more time than necessary to find my medication. Hmm..but what about others who have problems I wish I had, like the classic rich luxurious ‘I don’t know which pair of shoes to buy”.
What’s taking so long...
    “Trying to get rid of me so soon?”
    I instinctively turned to the direction of that voice. I know that voice..it’s the hallucination of Alis leaning against the counter.
    “You’re just like the rest of my hallucinations, a half hour after these pill and you’ll be gone like the rest”
Hopefully no one is looking at me talking to absolutely no one.
    She winced “How harsh, you don’t even know me”
    Her appearance changed, she’s wearing an oversize white sweater with blue shading and dark gray jeans that comes down close to her socks.
    “YOU”RE NOT REAL” I whispered, but accented the loudness.
    She looked up and pursed her lips “Seems pretty real to you?”
Just like the rest, sophisticated hallucination that reasons with logic.
    These hallucinations are rare, and only appears once regardless of whoever it was. At first I counted how many encounter I had with hallucination that talked back this way, but lost count around 14.
“Think what you want, you’ll be gone soon enough”
She smiled “Tisk tisk”
“Here you go, your prescription young man.”
    I didn’t realize the pharmacist was back. He ringed up the cost and I paid him with cash, getting $4 and 35 cents in change. I fumbled the coins and they dropped to the floor. Damn. Alis was still there..staring. I picked up the loose changes and put the prescriptions bag in my black backpack, but not before swallowing one without water.
    I started walking toward the exit, playing with the pill in my mouth to make it go down easy. I looked back. She’s gone..
    Better safe than sorry I guess, after a few attempts I managed to swallow the pill. There was a water station before the exit door and I stopped for a second. The water was nice, but I can feel my throat beginning to burn. Well worth it to stop being crazy I suppose.
    I made my exit, 3:23p. A lot of time to do absolutely nothing. I started walking toward my apartment. My belongings won’t arrive for another two days, so painting is out of the question. No TV or computer either. It was like before I managed to have any real money to myself. It was hot and Tampa had more homeless people than my previous stay. I saw a few just on the walk to the apartment building. One passed by that’s close enough and I gave him the medication changes. No thank you, but it wasn’t needed.
Hopefully that changes doesn’t get fumble again though.
    I got to the building and entered through the double glass doors. Not as heavy as the university, but still struggled a little. I opened it slightly with my hand and push the rest with my foot. Third door to the right..A-6. It wasn’t much, but it was home sweet home for now. After I got inside I threw my backpack on the floor and flopped on the bed like a rag doll.
So much time, not much to actually do.
    I was laying on my stomach and my head facing the window. It was pathetic, but I couldn’t help but thinking that Ellie was a hallucination too. Why else would she be so nice to someone like me. But that would mean the question directed at her from professor Winter was also a hallucination. Hmm..It’s a tough call. I heaved my arm up from the side of the bed, as if I was lifting 50 pounds.
4:05p.. Time flies and slows depending on what you’re thinking of.
    I can hear the couple across the hall arguing, they argue often, but mostly at night. I only been here for half a week now and the place just isn’t growing on me. If I had more money, I would have gotten a loft studio apartment. How nice that would be, can’t be help I guess.
    The screaming got louder, lasted for a little while then stopped after a couple of ‘accidentally dropped dishes’. I looked at my watch again.
4:18p.. Oh hell
    Still can’t stop thinking about Ellie. I had a picture of her in my memory and it kept refuting often. I didn’t want to think about her, but my mind thought otherwise. Was it a hallucination..or was it real. I regret forgetting to fill my subscription before I came out here to Tampa. I guess not refilling it when I found it empty yesterday didn’t help either. I stuffed my head in the pillow face down. Urgh...
    I tried falling asleep but it was futile, after 15 minutes or so I sat up and grabbed some sleeping pills from my backpack. Oh no, not this time. I walked over to the kitchen and got a cup from the wooden cabinets. I filled the cup to just enough to get the pill down and swallowed it. I looked around the apartment, really observing it. It’s way different from when I first saw it
    I got back to bed and laid down covering myself with a pure white blanket. Don’t think I’ll last long here, living somewhere new isn’t what I really had in mind. The apartment smelled like smoke residue and the walls are thin enough that I can hear more than I need to from my neighbor. I need more money to get out of here.

    





    

 



       

Author's Note

Grammers, spellings, too much dialogue, not enough imagery. Give me your input :D

Reviews

[JulieÉmile]

Very interesting, although I found it a little long. But that could be just me. But overall, a good story. You're a good writer and seem to have some experience writing before this.

I found some grammatical mistakes. But they were very few and didn't hinder my enjoyment of the story. I'm sure you'll improve as you write more. The imagery was quite good. You described it so well that I could really sympathize with Aurora as I read his predicament. I'm really looking forward to your next chapters. It would be really nice to know more about Ellie and your main character's background.

Looking forward to your next chapter.

[AMM]

Thanks , I only wrote one short story before this. And this was something that I found easy to further than two pages. I've read your two entries on your profile. Not much negativity can be said, just simply elegance work of words forming aesthetic sentences. (Rhyming is just a bonus for me:D)