The Pain

Tells about how bad someone could be hurting that they reach to extreme measures just so they will stop feeling so much pain at once.

My whole heart is so strained that it is pumping too much blood. With the excess blood, my veins are swelling. I feel as though they will burst so I do something to take away the pain; a temporary release. It only makes me feel better for a couple of days at the most, but it must be done. I am hanging on by a thread, which is whats straining my poor, lifeless heart. Now I have to put on the act and cover every ugly detail up. This is the hardest part; acting like something doesn't bother you that much, or that you're handling it well. I'm not a good actress either. Everyone can see straight through my act and it adds onto the stress of my heart. My every thought is consumed by it and I lose focus on what is going on around me. I shut the world out and allow myself to drown. Seeing happy people makes me sick since I am in a bad state right now. I want to pass on my misery like a cold; everyone would suffer with me. Then what would the world be? An even worse place and it would just feed onto my obssession of trying to handle different ordeals the "right" way. It wouldn't help in the lease bit. Help: that's what I need. I don't want to have to resort to a quick bringing of pain for a moment worth of joy; only to turn back to it later. However, I feel that no one can help me because my emotional state is in such a rut that I have to fight with my mind to command my body to get out of bed with ease. This is what I must deal with everyday of my life, wieghing me down to extreme measures where I'm completely incoheirent at some points. I need desperately to move past this phase and continue with my life. Maybe one day I will get this weight off of my shoulders and put it in a box, to never be re-opened.

Reviews

[SoLongAndThanksForAllTh..]

This short story contains a lot of pain and a dark secret is shared of how it might be alleviated.

The one relentless theme of this piece is misery. The narrator experiences it herself and clearly wants the rest of the world to suffer with her. Her revelation that, "I want to pass on my misery like a cold" clearly underlines her suffering and a desire to share it. However, there's also an element that she realises that things could be different. She knows that she has a problem and we see it when she admits, "my emotional state is in such a rut" and "help: that's what I need". Despite this though we never get to see any hope in her situation, even the wish that the "weight" of her depression is consigned to a box is watered down with the precursor, "maybe one day". Because of this many readers might find it hard to empathise with the protagonists position - even stories of the most miserable lives must have a little light or contain a glimmer of hope in them to engage the reader successfully.

Technically there is good use of imagery here but it's weakened by some spelling errors. It's always worth spell checking before posting work on here or you'll miss out on more detailed reviews as people get distracted by simple to fix problems like that.

This is a good first submission to Writers Cafe. Your writing needs a little polishing but you have an ability to paint a picture and put across emotion and that's always a good foundation to build on.

[Kena]

I'm speechless.... this is so well written, no words can describe my emotion. Great job, and I hope to read more from you! :)