Drowning

The numerous nights when I cried myself to sleep, hugging the pillows tight to my chest, just wishing for a way out. To fall asleep and never wake up again.

I don’t believe in fairytales. I think that they are a complete lie. Total BS. All that crap about finding your prince, kissing in the sunset, and riding off towards your happily ever after. To be honest, I don’t even believe in love. I mean, look where I got my mother. Eighteen years old and pregnant with a child she didn’t even want. That’s life, let’s face it; when fantasy and reality collide, the only thing you will ever feel is pain.

The only thing that I do believe in is dreams. Dreams hold so much power; they take to a world beyond your wildest imagination. Sadly, dreams only happen when you’re asleep. Day dreams and Night dreams are very different. Day dreams are usually about your life which sucks. Night dreams are absolutely wonderful. If you want my definition of a perfect world it would be a world of complete darkness where the people could just dream all day long, life would be perfect. Oh, you don’t want to forget chocolate, can’t live without chocolate. J

Ѱ

I was walking along the beach, the waves lapping gently at my feet. Its siren-like voice calling me to walk deeper, beckoning me to just fall in and forget everything. I almost did, I almost jumped into the waves and let myself be swept away by the current, but something or someone pulled me back at the last minute. A human arm, in my dream world, pulling me back to the shore and into its arms. Angry and shocked, I turned to find myself staring at a boy about my age with dark brown hair and eyes that could see into a person’s soul. “Don’t Lynn, don’t do it,” he whispered.

“Why not?” I yelled back, tears streaming down my face, “Why shouldn’t I do it? My life means nothing to me anymore. It’s nothing!”

“I hate it when you cry,” the boy whispered brokenly as he wrapped his arms around me. “I hate it when you fill up with so much hate for the world.”

“Why do you even care?”

“Because, even when the world may seem to turn its back on you, I’ll be there standing right behind you. I care because I simply do. Don’t just throw your life away Lynn, please.”

“Will you always be here? Every single night?”

“As long as you need me, I’ll always be with you,” he promised and for once in my life, I actually felt hope surging through me. But it didn’t last forever because sadly, I woke up.

Ѱ

The next day, I walked through the school halls like a zombie. Everything my teachers said went in one ear and flew out the other. I took a math quiz without even looking at the questions, I just wrote the answers. I just wanted to go home to go back to sleep, to see him again.

“Lynn? Are you okay?” Yvonne Winter waved her hand in front of my face.

“Huh?” I jumped slightly blinking my eyes.

“Come on girl, spit it out. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I muttered.

“Like hell,” Yvette Winter muttered.

“Serious, it’s nothing,” I protested.

“I think it is guy trouble,” Yvonne teased. I flinched in disgust which caused the twins to break out in laughter. “Can you tell us when you’re ready?”

“I promise,” but in my heart I knew I could never tell them about my dream boy.

Ѱ

“Hello? Anyone here?” I walked along the beach searching the shadows for the boy.

“You were looking for me?” I whirled around, grinning at the sight of him. He wore a black t-shirt and black jeans, his hands tucked inside his pocket. “How was your day?”

“I barely noticed anything,” I admitted. “All I wanted to do was go home and go back to sleep.”

He smiled, “I know that feeling. I get it a lot even though my life is as easy as they come.”

“Yeah, my mom’s amazing. I love her with all my heart considering she was 18 years old when she had me.”

“Wow, that’s hard.”

I nodded, “But sometimes, I wonder what her life would have been like if I hadn’t been born. Maybe she would have had a husband that truly loved her with a real family.”

“She already has a real family. It doesn’t matter how many people make up the family, its how much love the family has. I learned that over the years,” he smiled.

“You’re pretty wise for someone so young,” I teased him. He rolled his eyes playfully at me, “You know my name is Lynn, but I never caught your name.”

“Just call me Seb,” he replied. “Look,” he pointed to the sky. “A shooting star, close your eyes Lynn and make a wish.” I smiled and wished for the one thing that mattered in my heart, when I opened them, it was morning, time for another day at school.

Again, I was a ghost in school, floating through the hallways, ignoring my friends for most of the day. “What’s going on?” Yvonne asked again during lunch, blowing at the bangs.

“Nothing,” I replied.

“That usually says a lot,” she pointed out. “You just don’t want to tell us.”

“I’m sorry Vonne, but I just can’t tell you.”

“You can always tell me,” Yvette pointed out.

I slumped, “You guys are twins.”

“Right, for one second I almost forgot,” Yvette muttered, earning her a mock glare from her sister. “Seriously girl, what is going on?”

I debated inside my head whether to tell them or not, but before I could decide she appeared. Sylvie Prague, the school’s very own Miss Popular. “Hello girls, did you hear that we’re going to have a new student soon?”

“Why you don’t say,” Yvonne looked surprised.

“Uh-huh, and it’s a guy. Jack said he saw some moving trucks come in this morning. Heard his father talking to the men, apparently the family came from Washington and they have a boy our age.”

“Great, another person you can play cat and mouse with,” I clenched my fist under the table.

Sylvie’s eyes flashed, “You’re just jealous that none of the guys would ever want to date you. The twins might even have a chance if they didn’t throw everything away by becoming friends with you.”

Biting back a string of curses, I merely smiled, waiting for her to turn her back before I flipped the finger at her. Yvonne and Yvette saw and simultaneously made faces behind her back. I seriously love those twins.

Ѱ

Tonight was different, after two days, or nights, of talking; I felt like I knew who Seb was. He was so gentle, so patient and kind, and so damn hot. Yet, tonight was different, he hadn’t said a single word and we just stared at the open sea together. Finally, he spoke, “I’m leaving Lynn.”

“What?” I turned to stare at him, horrified, screams of ‘NO’ echoing through my head.

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to go, but I don’t have a choice. Today’s the last time I can see you.”

“What? No, Seb you can’t go! You’ve shown me so many things in just a short time; I don’t want to lose them or you.”

“I’m sorry,” he stated, his voice cold and unmoving.

“No, please tell me this is some kind of nightmare!” I stood up; tears flowing down my face like the first night, only tonight, Seb wasn’t drawing me into his arms; he was sitting on the sand, staring up at me with an impassive face. “No, this is a nightmare.”

“Believe what you will Lynn, but after tonight, I won’t see you ever again. Period.” He stood up, “Do you want to wake up?”

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not. Stop being so stubborn and open your eyes.”

“You promised me, you said that you would never leave me. That you would always be around for as long as I needed you.”

“Well things change, the world doesn’t stay the same,” he snapped. “Face it, and move on.”

“You’re lying. Everything you said was a lie.” I stared at him, watching his face for some sort of sign, but I saw nothing. No emotion, no feeling, not even a flicker of pain. “I’m glad you’re going. I have enough pain in life; I don’t need you to join the list.” I turned and walked away, crying as I did.

I felt myself jerk as I began to wake up, the last words I heard were, “Good bye Lynn.” Then my eyes opened to the bright and sunny day. I took one look outside and burst into tears.

The day couldn’t drag on any longer. I avoided my friends completely, skipped a couple classes spending them huddled in the corner of the library crying softly to myself. Finally, during 6^th period, something in me snapped. “Grow up Lynn,” my mind growled at me. “There’s no such thing as a happy ending. There’s no such thing as a fairytale where your prince comes and sweeps you off your feet. You’re crying over a person made up from your imagination. He’s fake. Everything is fake. Love is not real.” I stood up, drying my eyes. Taking a couple short breaths, I walked out of the library and out the school door, not caring who saw me.

I walked straight home and into my room, not stopping to see my mother’s astonished look. I took one look at my room then headed for my bed. Without another thought, I collapsed against it and fell asleep. And sure enough, I woke up on the shores of the beach.

“You b*****d,” I yelled at the sky. “Everything, you were everything that I’ve ever wanted. Everything,” tears rolled down my face. “You’re just a figment of my imagination, but my heart is being torn in two because I’m never going to see you again. Never, for the rest of my life.” I looked at the sea, the waves lapping gently at my feet. The ocean’s voice calling me to walk deeper, beckoning me to just fall in and forget everything. I walked deep into the water letting the waves brush against me, letting the currents pull me in closer and closer. I walked until I was neck deep in the water. “Good bye Seb, and thank you for everything that’s you’ve taught me, but it was all a lie.” I plunged myself underwater and closed my eyes.

Ѱ

“Lynn! Lynn! Lynnstelle Arethusa Woods wake up!” I felt hands shake my shoulder; I felt something slap me across the cheek.

“What?” I opened my eyes weakly, they burned like hell.

“Oh god, thank goodness you’re alive,” my mother hugged me. “I found you in the bathroom, completely submerged underwater. What were you thinking? How could you think to throw your life away just like that? I would die without you Lynn, you’re my life.”

Tears pricked my water puffed eyes, “I’m sorry Mom, and everything’s collapsing around me. I can’t think straight.”

“I know baby, I know.” She pulled me close and hugged me tightly. “Go to sleep baby, take a rest.”

Ѱ

“Do I seriously have to go to school?”

“Yes Lynn, you’ve already missed 2 days, I don’t want the twins going nuts over where you’ve been.”

“School sucks.”

“No it doesn’t honey,” she soothed, “Everything will work out. Someday.”

The walk to school was tedious, all I could think of was the feeling of water rushing into my lungs, and killing me. All I could think of was the feeling of complete despair and an odd sense of peace before my mother brought me back to reality. The only thing I could see in my mind was my mother’s tearstained face was she held my limp, wet body in her hands. Those thought occupied my mind as I walked into the building and into the office, holding the note that explained my absence.

“Ms. Woods, it’s good to see you back again,” the secretary nodded.

“Good morning,” I mumbled, my voice still scratching from swallowing all the water. I handed her the note and turned to leave when I bumped into someone’s back. I looked up and swallowed. “Seb.”

At the sound of my voice he turned, shock written all over his face and I finally saw the pain that I had been searching for a few nights ago. “Lynn.” He stared at me with his clear blue eyes and I swear I could see the ocean’s waves calling for me again. I stared at him, drowning in his gaze.

Author's Note

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Reviews

[RachelReaper]

I think you have no idea how much I can relate to this...

[FallenSymphony]

Thanks for the comment. I'm glad that something I randomly spun out of thin air can relate to someone. Hope everything's great~ :D