Sarah's Box

Hooray! I found it in my notes the classic story is retold!

Sarah scratched her nose mindlessly as she stared into the nothingness of the blank red brick wall. She had been looking at this wall and others just like it for longer than she could remember. She just woke up one day inside of this big red brick building with no windows. At first she had tried to scramble up the sides of the impossibly high walls, desperate to escape. The walls seemed immeasurably long, and tall. She had no idea how she had gotten into this purgatory of a place. She could see no way out either. Sarah sidled along the wall, retracing the steps she had taken so many times before. Something was different today. Different was good. Even the temperature in the box never varied. There had been no water or food either, but somehow, that meant nothing. Sarah sighed and followed her little trail up to the place that looked disturbed, like another someone had been dropped into her Big Red Box. She followed the tracks of the something. It had hooves. The tracks were dainty, as if made by a newborn fawn. They led inwardly, away from the brick walls of the enormous box that was Sarah’s prison. Sarah followed them with increasing interest. The little fellow had a good start on her apparently, because no matter how hard she ran, she only found tracks. Whatever it was, it was fast and silent. Finally, she sat down in the soft dusty soil panting. It seemed that she had been running all day. The walls of the box still loomed above her; but now she was not sure what part of the box she was in. She slowly turned circles trying the see the owner of the footsteps she had been chasing somewhere on the featureless horizon. All she could see was the carefully mortared red bricks and the empty sea of dust it contained. The tracks were still there, beckoning her. Sarah became obsessed with discovering the owner of the tracks that trailed away to a far distant wall. She slogged along for endless hours on the endless plane that the box contained. Just as there had been no need for food and water, there had been no night since she had come to this place. It was all an endless single moment suspended like a spider on a silken thread. It seemed that after such a long journey inward, Sarah must soon approach the center of the contained world of her box and start towards the other walls of her world.

Then she saw it! Nestled down in a small cavity she had never known was there, slept a tiny creature. It had wings like a Pegasus, the body of a horse, yet an almost human face. The face looked remarkably like her own. The little thing was lovely and delicate, and snoring loudly. It made her want to laugh that such a cataphony could come from such a small creature as this. She stepped closer trying hard not to wake the beautiful visitor in her lonely world. Even the loud snoring was music to her after the endless silence she had suffered for so long. The small whatever it was shivered, so Sarah draped her jacket over it. The little creature awakened at this gesture and stretched and yawned.

"haraS si eman ym ,olleH", it said.

"I can’t understand you, my name is Sarah", said the girl conversationally.

"haraS si eman ym , uoy dnatsrednu t’nac I" It replied.

Sarah wrote in the soft dirt at their feet. SARAH. She pointed to herself. The small creature looked at the word at her feet and wrote it backwards. And pointed to herself. Sarah began to understand that the language of the creature was somehow backwards from her own, but that they were both named Sarah. She smiled. haraS si eman yM she wrote. The small creature looked at Sarah with wide eyes of recognition.

"Is there any hope Doctor? asked Sarah’s husband, Sam.

"Yes I believe Sarah is finding her way back," said Doctor Hubbard. "She smiled once today. It was the first time she has made a voluntary move since the accident."

Sam wept tears of joy, and kissed his beloved wife on her scarred cheek. "Come back to me baby, please come back," he whispered.

HaraS smiled when she heard her maS whisper, it would be a long journey through Sarah’s desert, but they would eventually return home together. She would see to that.

Author's Note

This is one of my absolute favorites that I wrote. I found it while ago, so I am going to share it again. enjoy it! Rate it and reveiw it honestly please. I am a big girl I can handle constructive critisism if something needs fixing.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

I really like your writing, but since you asked for honest criticism, I'll mention this and a few other things-- you describe the walls as impossibly high, then follow that with "The walls seemed immeasurably long and tall." I'd say you could omit that second sentence.

"Sarah SIDLED along the wall..." I think there must be a problem with that word.

"The little fellow had a good start.." wouldn't it be better to keep little fellow a mystery for a while and not give out this information?

"soft dusty soil panting." shouldn't there be a comma after "soil"?

"She slowly turned circles trying to THE see.." comma after "circle," and "the" should be "to."

"center of the contained world of her box.." I suggest this would sound better "center of her boxed-in world"

I couldn't find the word "cataphony" in my dictionary. I figure it must be a sound, but, perhaps you could use another word here.

"she stepped closer trying hard..." I think "closer" needs a comma after it.

It's a wonderful story, but with a few typos and such. Please don't be angry with me! (A lady got mad at me the other day for pointing out such things as I did here.) Sam