At RSO&I

began March 2006, always in progress.

I cry until the light leaves,

listening to your silent response of my heartache.

Repeating…

I mumble to fill the space

it’s ok, I'm not pretty anymore.

With silent sympathy you tried to help

but you can’t understand

you just condemned me.

For making myself up as I go along. Because

life is a mystery that won't hold on.

----I'm asking you to listen,

maybe you are wrong,

you need to change

who you are.

be like them to make

them accept you.

 

You asked me a question but

you don't understand my response.

All I long to do is sing, to break

my own heart with my voice, and

share it.

Hand out the pieces of my life.

Its Band-Aids to those who need them.

And I need one too.

----there’s no reason

For you to strive for

more. No one is ever

going to stop and say

she always wanted

more; she was always

striving to make the most

of what she had.

Because I'm not telling you

no one is going to stop

at all.

 

You’re telling me to be them…

To be the ones who betray me.

Why would I do this?

I am who I am and I'm strong

in this.

But it’s not true.

I want so much more that.

The desire consumes me, and then

there’s nothing left.

I won’t destroy myself to be them,

but to stay myself will do the same.

Why can’t I just make

my own course of action.

Travel my new direction?

Because life says no.

And so it starts again.

----I told you before. You have to change,

You have to be like they want

you to be.  You know I will not admit

to being wrong, and you can't allow

yourself the declaration of being right.

 

I don’t have to be like anyone else.

Its proven I can be me.

This room of mine is crowded.

We’re all the same, we share one

heartbeat, the same heartache.

And all it will take to bring

light to this room is a voice.

So let my voice out of the dark

Let me open the new doorway.

----dark isn't always

dark and light isn't

always bright.

 

Those in the light don’t need the

light brought to them.

Those in the dark don’t need

to be brought into the light.

Just let me be and watch my voice

create the light

and as each voice in the darkness

rises

new light is created.

 

The light is only defined by the dark, and only from the dark

can anything create light.

And yet it is easier to squeeze diamonds from coal

with your bare hands than to create real light.