Silenced

I am your soldier. I will survive with or without you. Now make your choice. Do you wish to live? And live truly?

Silenced
___________________

I’ve been quiet.

Counting the seconds.

From one argument to the next.

What’s the point?

When all of my words are said in vain?

Do they still matter to you?

I spent years soaking up your knowledge.

Knowledge of this cruel world.

How to survive.

I was your soldier.

Not your daughter.

That’s who I grew up to be.

I’m not as likable as the rest.

I’m not very nice.

I’m honest and yet cold.

I remember when I was a child.

You said I spoke too much.

That I was annoying you.

I was just watching television.

You walked over to me.

Told me to shut up.

And I did for a few minutes.

But I was only five.

I didn’t know any better.

Apparently neither did you.

When I started to talk again.

I cracked a joke.

You didn’t like that at all.

I felt this strong pain in my stomach.

You hurt me.

That was the only time I’ve seen you cry.

So I forgave you.

And I stayed silent after that.

Years later you talk about me.

Behind my back.

Years of me trying to show my worth to you.

Does it mean nothing?

Have I not done enough?

It’s all for you.

I’ve started to talk more.

You told me I need to start being more quiet again.

I stayed silent.

I crack jokes with other people.

You shake your head disappointedly.

And I stayed silent.

I can’t argue with you.

I can’t stick up for myself.

I am worthless to you.

I am more useful to you when I am silenced.

I hope you remember that when I choose to remain silent to you in the future.

As your daughter.

I am inclined to love you.

As your soldier.

I am inclined to fight to survive.

I can do that alone.

Author's Note

We are all soldiers. I just hope your commander is willing to come back for you. Because when you realize they aren't coming back. You then only stick up for you.