Commodus

Commodus was a horse

to beat every horse

He had the grace of a sylph

the strength of a pillar 

the edge of a killer 

To his rivals he was the bane

this satin steed was cyclone

storm and hurricane 

On the wave of a wand

Commodus just flew past 

the winning grandstand 

Yet victory was not his quest 

no gold to garrison 

racing the wind, his sole ambition 

He pounded the racetrack 

*Ichor in his veins 

blazing a glorious trail

in the fastest of lanes

But one sad, fateful day 

thundered the jealous Gods of rain 

pouring on him, a harvest of pain 

Dashing to the finishing line

the stallion skidded and fell 

breaking in two, his splendid spine 

Stilled for once was Commodus 

neighing in sheer agony

till the misty vale of death

turned the sky dark as ebony 

The swifter the pace

the greater the thrill 'n joy

speed destroys 

and yet we think 

It tells the men from the boys

 

*Ichor - Blood of Gods

Author's Note

Thanks a ton for reading

Reviews

[;)]

A brilliant tale, Pestonjee. Another ten word challenge, I presume? Your title is well selected, and the name of a Roman Emperor in the embodiment of a thoroughbred is well conceived. The theme itself is so apt; on so many occasions do we see the champions of the racing world break down under the sheer exertion of their supremely gifted efforts. It's always the good ones that give their all that come to an untimely demise. What completes the poem for me is the moral message you have delivered at the conclusion; that speed kills and that we foolishly use it as the test for the worthiness of man and beast. It's an excellent work and one that again passes the challenge with flying colours. Very well done, Pestonjee.

[AJNJ]

Thanks a ton Brilliance! Yes, another 10 word challenge by a brilliant friend of mine. He's quite an ace in horse racing himself, so I thought I'll try this subject. I hope he's pleased. Will share with him soon.
Your words help me go on with my humble scribbles. Many heartfelt thanks always! 🤗

[Papaya]

You've crafted another fine tale for us. You make it look so easy.
:)

[AJNJ]

It revvs me up quite a bit. :)
Thanks a ton and more, Ms. Ana!

[Neville]

If this is another ten word challenge.. you got it nailed.. if it is not.. then you got it nailed ... Absolutely marvel horse my friend ..
.... Neville

[AJNJ]

I'm humbled dear friend! Thanks a ton and more! 🤗