Upon My Door

OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Thoughts

In silence, they wait upon my door

In smockings dark, my mates galore

Pinched bosoms, bearers of bad milk

She-devils clad in the blackest silk

 

They rode me all of yesterday

Dragging me like a dog on a sleigh

Shrieking at me, if I dare not play

A liar they brand me, as I pray

 

Savoring my sobs, my bluest fears

They taste the terror in my tears

I’m beaten of soul, before the dawn

A hollow hump, I’m spent at morn

 

Horror and angst, they shop for me

Laughing fiends on wicked sprees

No dearth of cash in their purses

They return with bags full of curses

 

Dancing with these foes for so long

Has yet not made me very strong

I shiver still at what they’ll bring

Which painful dirge, they’ll come to sing

 

The day shall trot, the mares will neigh

My sanctum breached in every way

To their tune I’ll waltz, forevermore

In silence, they wait upon my door

 

Author's Note

You can't crush the foe...Only waltz with it...

Reviews

[JMichael]

An excellent poem, Pestonjee. I know of some people who have this same affliction. It devastates with its continued presence and it's ability to rise up viciously at any moment. As you wrote, its a neverending dance where the music never runs out of tune. You have described the affliction in your own words extremely well. I am sure your tap shoes are well worn and in their element. Fine writing.

[AJNJ]

Indeed, now I’m a veteran dancer and an expert with my moves. Thank you very much sir Picasso.

[barleygirl]

This is a brilliant way to express how one can be ruled & tormented by OCD. Great details expressed in original ways. This shines a light on things that have gone down between us & hopefully a certain OCD dance doesn't go on & on long after the music has died away. Sometimes I find it best to waltz with my demons in private, not make it a regular feature in what I want to offer to my readers. I don't mean stuffing honesty in writing, but just not letting OCD tripping define oneself as a writer. You are so much better than an OCD jag about someone who never mattered in the first place (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[AJNJ]

Thanks Ms. Barley. This affliction was not without its benefits. It made me very resilient mentally. I was often a snake myself to escape from under the door. I'll keep your words in my heart. Much appreciated!

[Robert Trakofler]

I lived with a fellow that suffered from this it is similar to my processing issues only manifest different not cyclical thoughts but more scattered thoughts. he is extremely intelligent and had learned to function well in spite of his difficulty from what I understand which makes me happy:) but the slant of this speaks more of the results of this processing malady for you and that is of the depression that can so easily overtake ones actions and freeze you in your tracks before you set foot to the floor. and sometimes that's all it takes is a momentary suffusion to place that first step in motion but sometimes that first step is oh so seemingly insurmountable

[Bivita]

a nice rhythmic dance of words

[AJNJ]

Thanks for appreciating...

[Jimmy Yetts]

How utterly deflating.
Powerful poetic pronouncement!

[AJNJ]

Indeed, one rises only to be deflated again and again and again...Thank you so much!

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Hmmmm...we dance the dance that we allow to lead...the music and the notes are left for us to quote...interesting ...we can only be overcome by what we allow ...🌹🌹

[AJNJ]

Indeed, its our determination alone that decides which way things go...Thank you so much!

[¿]

Noh that's not me, I'm scolded by the whole family for being unsorted. But I know some people who are at the peak of cleanliness. so much that one doesn't touch the poles or sit inside trains and ask for sanitisers and wipes. Their life for sure isn't easy! Yet this covid time is truly theirs , no?
Anti-mocking, I wonder how hard it is to find peace for them. When out on washing hands they might feel scared of touching the tap!

[AJNJ]

If you ever looked into my apartment you'd find it glittering but thats just one of those things. I'm not obsessed with cleanliness and handwashing. Thats just a part of a perfectionist personality. My OCD lies in my intrusive, repeated, destructive thoughts. Mostly curses and religion based. I've spent a great chunk of my late teens praying at temples and engaging in religious rituals. Thanks Tahsin, for your kind and encouraging review on this poem. Your words mean very much!

[.]

A very touching poem, dear P! "Mates galore....." there must be quite a few of these annoying pests bothering the Pest. From my own studies I can understand the emotions you are conveying here; it's such a difficult problem to treat and it takes a lot of time and dedication to overcome it, or at least, manage it. I adore your comparison with your experience as being like a dance; you DO have to take it in your stride and waltz through the days until you can control the impulses. It's an excellent choice, there. I am glad you are now in control of your little mates and it can only be onwards and upwards for you. Such a well elaborated and constructed poem, this one. Shining a light on your condition without an ounce of whining and self destructive chest beating that we often find here on such writes. It speaks of your inner strength and that is something I always admire in people. A wonderful write, dear P! So well done! :))

[AJNJ]

I hate chest beating for sympathy Madame. Probably the reason I dont discuss this issue so much on here. Took me a while to open up after I felt comfortable with such understanding people here.My OCD is not something I'd like to whine about. Its my victory. Something I'm proud of. Not that I don't suffer. INdeed, I do, Its a daily battle but one that I learn much from. The fortitude I've developed with this disease is unbelievable! Waltzing is the only word that came to my mind because it IS a dance. WIth as much beauty in it as there is ugliness. The beauty of the human spirit and its heights of resilience.

Thank you for such a thoughtful review once again, Madame. It means a lot.

[Eilis]

I formed a friendship with a man on another poetry site several years ago who had a debilitating case of OCD that was adult on-set. His entire life was overtaken to the point where employment was impossible. He explained to me what it really meant and how it had changed his life. The degrees of life he’d had to give up. And since then I’ve been careful not to throw the term around as though it was a common ailment. His life was hell, and I couldn’t help but sympathize.

You offer a stirring portrait here. Your metaphor is strong and your meter offers an excellent heartbeat orderliness when the subject itself is this discordant and unsettling condition. For me that contrast works so well. It’s like the struggle to maintain order within the mind when the mind is rebelling against allowing freedom of thought.

As a person who struggles with poor mental health, I sympathize with the ways the entire life can be impacted when the dark shadow of things out of our control presses in. I thought this was a great poem because it’s not only lyrical, but also opens a door into a world others may not be so familiar with. And sheds a bit of light where it is needed. Great work.

[AJNJ]

I remember my 19th birthday...One that I spent in tears...I had passed a graveyard on my way back home from a club. I thought I saw a hooded woman in black at the gates and she was following me with her eyes. I reversed my car and went back and spent the rest of the day searching for her around there, in the woods. My brain kept telling me she'll follow me home if I dont find her and pray before her. OCD is a nightmare that encroached on all my significant events for years. I was wrecked for quite a while before I began to toughen up.

You gotta let them flow through you. Dont resist them. They'll keep throwing the worst imaginable at you and you gotto to say its okay and keep moving. It comes with time.

Thanks a ton and more for relating with this poem and for such a thoughtful review, Ms. Eilis. It means very much to me.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I agree with Paul...we all have this to a certain degree...I know that I have a problem with unanswered questions, or having to wait for an issue to be resolved, and I almost can't do anything else until it is.
Metaphorically you spoke so well to this issue here in your poem. Yes, if you can't beat them, waltz with them...maybe they will get bored with the music and then leave us alone.

j.

[AJNJ]

Indeed. There's a bit of it in all of us...I developed a thick skin over the years. It can be done. They play their music in the background. I listen and keep going. Thank you very much sir. It means so much.

[Paul Bell]

Remember watching a programme on OCD, and to a certain extent we're all OCD. The routine is horrendous, taps, light switches, even walking out doors. I think we've all went to bed and then thought to ourselves, did I lock that door. The OCD person would then have to go through a full ritual which could last another half an hour. Sleeping must be hell.

[AJNJ]

It was certainly not fun waking up every hour and repeating a prayer ritual to save my soul from the devil. I’ve been there. Never took any meds for it though. And now I’m almost enjoying the ridiculousness of it ;(.
Thanks a ton for the understanding review.

[Paul Bell]

I must admit, I only run in nike trainers, so I'm in the scope somewhere.