Thirteen

    I could see the pain twisting around the black pupils of Brittany as the days drew on. The attacks within the surrounding towns seemed to grow worse, each end rendering another tyrannical horde of the hungry dead. Brittany would sit in the windowsill, her fragile legs pulled to her chest as the zombies meandered across the courtyard. Her sight was going beyond the battles fought between the men of the manor and the dead of the city. Her mind was consumed by the thoughts of her family and boyfriend back in Texas, and the daunting phone call that left her more worried than she had been before. I couldn’t help but feel as though her pain had been heightened by my suggestion. I tried to give her space, but I feared that too much would cause her to fade into a different type of darkness.

            “I brought you some food,” I muttered one night.

            Brittany barely acknowledged me as I set a porcelain plate of venison and potatoes on the nightstand. The whites of her eyes were a light pink. She had been crying. Again. The silver fork clattered against the plate as I abandoned it. I sighed and turned away.

            “Audrey!”

            As I walked from the room, my attention was pulled to the far end of the hallway at the top of the spiral stairs. My little brother was standing there, cheeks puffed and hands balled into fists and resting on his waist. A very amused Lainey was standing behind him. Her bleached hair was beginning to fade with nearly a month’s worth of dark blonde roots beginning to push through her platinum dye. She wore an amused grin across her pink puffy lips. I could tell by the way that she stood that she had been instigating again.

            “Audrey! Lainey won’t leave it alone!” roared Aaron. Coming from a six-year-old, his outburst was mildly amusing.

            “Leave what alone?” I asked, closing the door to my bedroom behind me.

            “Aaron has a girlfriend,” sang our sister.

            “No!” he cried, his face instantly burning up.

            “Is that so?” I grinned, playfully.

            “Not at all,” insisted our little brother.

            Even I knew that this was a lie. Aaron had always been one with the ladies, even when he was a chubby baby. It didn’t matter how old he was now, they all wanted to hold him, carry him around, kiss on his plump cheeks. We all loved to tease him about it. He was the youngest, so he loved the attention, despite all that he said to try to avoid it.

            “What’s her name?” I pressed.

            “I don’t know,” he shrugged.

            “Oooo, is Aaron a pimp?” Lainey laughed. She went to pinch his cheek.

            “Her name is Emilyn and she is not my girlfriend,” he huffed.

            Emilyn was cute. I really liked her. She had long, thick brown curly hair that hung past her middle. She was very petite and good mannered. She was one of the very few that didn’t seem to bother anyone in the house. Although, I imagined that some of her silence had spurred from what she had seen happen at the beginning of this all. While the other children were slowly becoming more aware and alert, Emilyn would often keep to herself. It was nice knowing that Aaron was treating her with a gentle kindness.

            “Okay, okay,” my sister said, still giving him a mischievous grin.

            “So, Aaron, tell me about all of your friends,” I suggested. What he said next made me cringe.

            “Tell you the names of my friends? Or the names of the kids that I share that room with?” he said with a stoic and icy expression.

            Lainey and I shared a brief look of awkwardness and horror. “In the room,” I mumbled.

            “Emilyn is really nice. Her best friend is Wendy. They are both really quiet. Then there’s Olive. I don’t like her. She steals all of the toys that Hector brings back to us. Yolanda is the other girl. She annoys me. Josiah and Patrick are nice. And then there’s T.T. He’s just plain crazy,” Aaron listed.

            “It sounds like you have a nice variety there,” I said.

            “Do you think mom and dad will come here?” the little boy suddenly wondered.

            Once again, my sister and I exchanged a look. “Mom and dad and Tony are all safe. They have all of West Point’s finest watching over them,” I had to lie. I had no other answer for him.

            “That’s good,” he said more to himself. “Are we going to go to them, then?”

            “I’m not sure, Aaron. We might just have to wait until those soldiers come find us.” I hated lying, especially to children.

            “I hope that’s soon,” murmured Aaron.

            “Well this just became way too depressing. Peace!” Lainey said, spinning on her toes and heading down the spiraling stone steps. I was left there alone to handle the emotional distress of a saddened child.

            “How about you stay with me tonight,” I said with a strained smile.

            Aaron looked up at me with an equally forced one. “Alright,” he nodded.

            The rest of the day was just as uneventful as the ones prior to it had been. The manor was dark, windows boarded up as to avoid attention from those that meandered outside. At dinner we sat in silence, forks and knives sitting still by our plates as we heard shuffling below the tall stained-glass windows on the other side of dinning hall walls. The children ate with their fingers, smudges of tomato sauce pressed against their cheeks as their round eyes took in the stoicism of the adults. There was a loud and low guttural huff coming from the other side of the thick stonewall. We could hear the skin and bone of the dead scuffing along the jagged rocks as they sauntered by. Despite the thick mass that separated the eating living and the starving dead, there was a deep and growing fear festering in all of our guts.

            I kept my head bowed, but rolled my eyes towards the far end of the table where the men sat. Daniel’s chest was rising and falling with each controlled breath that he took and released. His fingers were wrapped around the armrests of the high back chair he sat in. He dared not move to even dim the lights, for worry that the feet of his chair would make too much noise moving across the cobblestone tiled floor. He kept his eyes glued to the glass of water that sat before him.

            James and Edvard seemed to be the only two that were able to eat without showing anything other than confidence and hunger. They used their utensils lightly, swirling long golden spaghetti noodles around the silver and bringing the bite to their lips without hesitation. James cast me a dark look and I brought my eyes back towards my own untouched plate of food. On the other side of the table, the Reverend’s lips could be seen moving rapidly as he murmured a hastened prayer.

            Dinner extended nearly an additional hour that night. Whether it was the wind or their actual presence, the zombies’ murmurs seemed to linger on the other side of the wall until the sun finally set. Daniel sent everyone to their rooms, while Hector set up watch from the living room. He would pace against the wooden floors, occasionally spying through the hole in the boards that covered the window. Miss Frizzle made sure that each child was tucked in bed and waited until they were calm and sleeping before retreating into her own room.

I did the same with my own group. The boys were rowdy, each wanting to take a turn peaking thorough their window in hopes of catching site of the giant horde that liked to walk in circles around the manor. Harry was the first to lie down. Andrew lost interest after a while of not seeing anything, but Brandon and Toner kept their eyes glued to the courtyard.

“Fine,” I had said to them. “You can sit at the window, but no lights and no noise.”

They had complied with my requests and then I moved on to the girl’s room. I opened their door, peaking my head in to see Hannah nestled in her bed, the sheets rising and falling as she peacefully slept. Lainey and Destiny were huddled together in Lainey’s bed. Their conversation and giggles immediately halted once a sliver of light from the hallway candles poured into their room.

“What did you want?” my sister muttered with sudden coldness.

My mother had once taken my sister to get tested. It was discovered that she had been silently suffering from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder as well as Borderline Personality Disorder. At that time, it all made sense. I could remember certain instances where I would have a moment of closeness with my sister and we would share secrets. Not yet an hour later, she would be insisting that she never heard of them or she would run to my mother with what I had told her in confidence, a huge and ugly smirk across her face. It was as though I had seven sisters, not one. She had only been on the medication for a few months, but now I could see it starting to slip from her system, a sickness coming back that I knew none of us would be able to handle.

“Nothing,” I said. “Just making sure if everyone is alright.”

I closed the door before my sister could respond with some snotty comment. With Destiny overwhelmed with her Depression, and my sister fighting two mental disorders of her own, I feared that their behaviors would result in a catastrophic disaster within the manor. I brushed those thoughts away so that when I entered into my own room I could be cheerful and confident for Aaron and Brittany.

“Where’s a camera when you need one?” I joked as I walked into the bedroom. Brittany was sitting on her side of the bed with the covers pulled to her chest, and a book opened across her lap. My six-year-old brother was curled up against her side, his eyes wide as he intently focused on the story that Brittany was reading from the light of the flashlight she had. Brittany cast me a quick smile before continuing on with the book. It sounded as though she were reading to him Jonathan Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels.

“Every man desires to live long,” she read. “But no man wishes to be old.”

I grabbed some black mesh Adidas shorts and a white wife beater and slipped into the bathroom. I turned on the lights. There was no window to reveal my location to the outside, which was nice. I changed into these clothes, knowing they weren’t mine. I’m pretty sure that the shorts at least belonged to Hector. To do our laundry, the Quills triplets would fill up a metal tub in the cellar where they would use a washboard to clean all of our clothes. Articles of clothing were always getting lost or switched, but after nearly a month living together in the manor, no one really cared anymore.

After washing my face, I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red; not just from being tired, but from a whole mixture of things. My hair was frizzy, despite how hard I tried to get my curls to simply fall alongside my face. I could have probably stood there for hours picking out all of my flaws, but when I heard the click of the flashlight turn off, I knew it was time for me to return to my best friend and brother and get some sleep myself.

I turned off the light before walking into the bedroom. Brittany was lying on her back, eyes closed. Aaron was still sitting up, staring intently at me. “I forgot Munster,” he said.

I paused. “Who’s Munster?”

“My stuffed whale. Hector brought him home the other day,” Aaron explained. “Will you please go get him for me? I need him to feel safe.”

I contemplated on whether or not I should challenge what he needs to make him safe, but his big grown eyes and pouty lips made it hard to refuse such a request.

“Alright,” I nodded. I stepped forward and waited for Aaron to fall back into the pillow before I brought the covers up to his chin. I rubbed his chest, a little, and eventually his lids grew heavy and he fell into sleep. I watched him for a bit. He looked so peaceful in his sleep, as though he were back in his old bed with Thomas the Tank Engine trains scattered across the carpet.

I made to get in bed, but the sudden voice of Brittany brought me to a quick halt. “Aren’t you going to get Munster for him?” she asked, but with her eyes still closed.

“But he’s already asleep,” I protested.

“So? What if he wakes up in the middle of the night?” Brittany pressed.

I let out a little huff. “Fine, I’ll go get it.”

It didn’t matter how many nights I had spent in this manor, each one proved to be just as creepy as the last. It was as though the winds that screamed outside could still be felt through the corridors. The lights of the LED candles always flickered on their dimmest setting, making every shadow move. I walked down the cold stone steps of the helical stairs, thankful that the door to the immediate right led to the room in which the kids slept in.

I did my best to push open the door without a sound. I had only been in their room once or twice. Their window had been boarded up in order to accommodate the night light that all eight children insisted on having in their room. It was a Sofia The First night-light tucked in the dark corner of the room. There were eight camping cots, four along one wall and four on the other. Each cot held a sleeping bag, a pillow, and a child; except for the second one to the right, which was were my brother slept.

The floor was covered in toys. It seemed as though with every run that they made, the men would bring some toy back as to distract the kids from realizing how long it had been since they had been outside of the manor. Trying to step silently through those toys was a challenge. I tiptoed over to the empty cot and lifted the sleeping bag. I then looked under the pillow and on each side of the cot. There was no stuffed whale. I scanned over the nearby cots. Neither one of the sleeping boys were clutching Munster. I pursed my lips, eventually giving up with the intention of having my brother show me in the morning what exactly I needed to know about his sleeping requirements for future references.

My journey back upstairs was quick and accompanied by the thunderous beating of my own heart as I psyched myself out. My feet beat against the steps and for a moment I forgot about the others who were trying to sleep. I nearly tripped into the door, my arms rushing forward to support me before I completely fell. My left hand rattled the brass doorknob.

“You conniving pair of �" “ I found myself hissing once I realized that the door had been locked. “Brittany!” I harshly whispered. “This isn’t funny! Open the damn door!”

My knuckles tapped against the engraved wood, but there was no response from the other side. I tried the knob again. Nothing. I took a step back from the door, exhaling. I didn’t know what time it was, but I figured that it couldn’t have been that long since everyone had gone to bed. I contemplated my options. The couch was always open; but I feared that my overactive imagination would cause me to stay up all night tossing and turning, seeing things in the shadows that really weren’t there.

I slowly looked to my left at the door that led to Daniel, James, and Aaron’s room. Daniel had the bag with the spare keys, so letting me back into my room would not be a problem. It was getting into his room that would be the only formidable task. I could picture James lunging at me upon the first gleam of light that would seep through the opening door. He would kill me and call it an accident. Or he would victoriously claim that as a conquest. Either way, I wanted back in my room, and Daniel seemed the only viable option.

I hesitated, but eventually forced my legs to move in the direction of the door. My hand hovered over the doorknob until some sudden burst of confidence forced my fingers to clamp down on it. I opened the door very slowly, cautious of the amount of light from the hallway candles that poured into the room. What first caught my attention was the younger of the Kellen brothers lying on the couch. The curtain they had in their room blacked out most of the moonlight, but there was enough of a line creeping through that cause itself over the disheveled young man. His right leg was slung over the back of the couch while his left hung off it and grazed across the carpet. His arms rested across his belly while his head was thrown back in a way that I knew would leave his neck sore in the morning. His lips were parted, heavy prolonged snores coming from deep within his throat.

Pushing the door open a little more, I was able to see James in his bed in the corner. He looked beautiful. I knew that it was probably an absurd thought to have, but the way he slept made him look as though he really could do no harm. The covers had fallen below his waist, leaving his naked chest open for my viewing. I had never seen him without his usual black attire, but as I watched his chiseled gut rise and fall, I found a sort of beauty overshadowing him. His long back hair fell across his pillow in perfectly straight strands. His fists were balled as he slept, but his body was what really had me drawn in.

I had to pull my eyes away, forcing myself to remember how horrible of a person James was; but I knew that this would somehow be the start of some inner struggle I would now have to face. Pushing the door all the way open, Daniel’s bed came into sight. He lie in silence, as well, a white t-shirt covering his upper half. His left arm rested over his chest while his right was by his head and tucked under his pillow. I gently closed the door behind me and waited until my eyes got used to the darkness. The skinny sliver of moonlight was enough to lead me further into the room and along the side of Daniel’s bed.

I cocked my head as I looked down at the sleeping man. His forehead held strained wrinkles, as though he were still thinking about some onerous event of the past. His lips were on the thinner side, pulled tight as he slept. I slowly reached out a hand, and before my fingers could fully graze the fabric of his sleeve, I found myself being flipped in the air. The wind was knocked out of me as I was pushed onto my back, a weight suddenly holding me down. It didn’t matter how wide my eyes were, I still couldn’t see anything; but the feeling of something cold and sharp being pressed against my neck was undeniable. There had been no time to make a sound. It had all happened so fast.

            “Audrey?” I heard Daniel’s voice mutter in disbelief.

            I vainly nodded my head, as that was all I could do. The pressure was instantly relieved off of my upper body and I found myself sputtering for breath. I coughed, turning over onto my left side so that my back was facing the startled man. I gripped at my throat. The skin hadn’t been broken, but there was a slight throbbing from the pressure that had been placed on it.

            “Audrey,” Daniel breathed. “What…what are you doing in here?”

            “I got locked out,” I whispered, eyes closing.

            I felt his large, soft hand grip at my shoulder and pull me so that I was laying on my back once more. The moonlight flickered off of the blade as he shoved the knife back under his pillow. He looked down at me, a smile threatening to spill through his lips. He propped himself up by his left arm and I saw his biceps push against the white fabric of his clothes.

            “Locked out of your own bedroom?” he said, clearly amused.

            “Yes, could you unlock it for me?” I wondered, feeling small lying in his shadow.

            Daniel pursed his lips and crinkled his nose, as though the answer took some serious thinking. “Nope,” he finally muttered.

            “What?” I cried, pushing myself up by my elbows. “But you said you could! When we first got here �"”

            “Shhh,” he breathed, bringing a finger to my lips. I instantly grew quiet, even forgetting to breath. “I can unlock the door for you. But I don’t want to.”

            I stared at him through the darkness as best I could. We were so close. I had never laid so close to a man before. I could feel a blanket of warmth radiating from his smooth skin. My eyes drifted across his neck, then chin, faltering over his lips, until I was finally looking into his charming blue eyes. It wasn’t a scary feeling. For those brief moments, he made me forget what we were hiding from. There was a knife under his pillow, but there was so much more for him to protect with me in his bed.

            Daniel’s fingers entwined with the chunk of brown hair that had fallen across my face when he had flipped me. He gently let it fall alongside my cheek, his fingers brushing against my skin. I felt a shiver run down my side. His touch made me feel safe, unlike when Jorge had grabbed at me. I could see his face lowering towards mine. His eyes never pulled away from me. I could see the struggle in his eyes as he contemplated whether or not he should continued. My heart seemed to beat at a pace I had never felt before. His lips fell onto mine like a warm blanket that was meant to be there. My eyelids squeezed shut, as though being covered in darkness allowed me to savor the moment with a heightened sense of touch. His lips parted, only to squeeze my bottom lip between his. His fingers gripped the side of my head, his breathing increasing as the kiss continued.

            I had never been kissed before. I didn’t know what to do. Even when Jorge had taken me in the darkness of the library’s garage, his lips had never touched my body. Kissing Daniel was not what I had expected my first kiss to be like. I had imagined that I would be nervous, or that it would be by some boy in high school that I would maybe have a fling with and then never speak to again. Not this. Not this beautiful and calming experience, lying next to Daniel with his hands gently caressing my skin as he kissed me at my own pace.

            A light smacking escaped our lips as he pulled away. My eyes fluttered open to see him looking down at me, a curious yet guarded expression plastered across his face. It was then I realized how easy it was for him to read me, how he somehow knew all of my thoughts, fears, and concerns.

            “I would like for you to stay with me tonight,” he said. “I promise, I won’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with.”

            He looked down at my waist where my wife beater had slowly started to rise. Goosebumps shot up my body as his fingertips grazed my stomach. He pulled the edge of the wife beater back down to cover my skin. He then drew his hand back and gave me all of his attention. It was an amazing feeling. I never thought a man like Daniel would exist, a man who respected and valued a woman.

            I smiled. “I’ll stay.”

            Daniel returned the grin, his lips lopsided once more. He fell against the bed, this time his left arm cradling my neck and his right resting against my stomach. He pulled me into him, his eyes closing but that smile still visible on his face. I think that the best word to describe how I felt at that moment wasn’t some multi-syllable word drawn from a thesaurus, but something simple and understandable. Happy. I was happy. And for the first time in a long time, I drifted to sleep with a great sense of security.