The only Pisces in the sea

I'm just barely getting by
Holding it together as long as I can
Keep a straight face
Don't think about it
Don't look at it
Don't touch it
Don't you f*****g dare
I catch a glimpse of it out of the corner of my eye
And it's burns in an unfamiliar way
I haven't come to terms with the fact that you aren't in my life anymore
Things are changing
You are leaving
And I am leaving too
I always thought you'd be there
An active part of my every day life
The one person who would always be with me
Through thick and thin
And I just cannot get myself to understand that you are not
It hurts too much
So I change the subject
Even though I'm the only one around
And eventually I have to touch it
To see if it still hurts
And each time I do, it is worse than the time before
And I hate that I still wait on your texts
I hate that I still need you
I hate that this is all so hard
I don't understand why people would want to risk falling in love, if it could end like this
If it could hurt this much
I know that's what everyone says
"I'll never fall in love again, I'll never be happy again"
But you will
Whether or not you will ever be in love enough or happy enough to fill that gaping hole...well that's another question
Knowing how special something was that you had
And knowing that the likelihood of you finding a love like that again is 7,423,569,767 to 1
It's devastating
And I want to forgive you
I want to move forward
I want to take it back, just like I said that I would
Any under any other circumstance I would...
I did
Until I couldn't anymore