Tonight

Tonight I’ll stand on the ledge 
Stare down at the rocks below 
Watch as the waves crash in and kiss the shore
The ones I’ve stared down at one too many times 
And I’ll fantasize about the fall
And the blood 
And the carnage 
It comes in waves, you know 
And I never see it coming

Tonight I will show no mercy
But according to you I never have 
According to you I am selfish and unkind 
But my dear, I’ve always tried to give that to you 
I am honest but not always open 
I tell you the bare minimum 
The superficial things
Because I don’t know how to speak 
To say those things out loud 
To describe the pain inside 
And I wont break your heart in order to fix mine

Tonight I’ll play the martyr 
I’ll take all the blame 
I’ll carry that burden 
And I won’t say a word 
I thought she’d go away
But It’s almost been two years 
I convinced myself that if I pretended it was all okay
It would be with time 
There is a fire in me
Raging through my veins 
Growing higher and higher with each trespass 
And it’s not dying down

Tonight I will stay quiet 
Ill hear your silent pleas
That high pitched screaming 
The one that only dogs can hear
“It’s the atoms settling in”
Ringing in my head
As the blood drips from each ear I am calm
It is silent for a while 
Until you’ve caught your breath
Your resentment seeping from your pores

Tonight I will not fight 
For I am selfish in your eyes
A monster in disguise 
Plotting my revenge and playing nice
Growling at you with your heart between my teeth 
Always threatening to bite down 
Daring you to make a move 
Showing no sense of remorse or empathy 
Is that really how you see me?

Tonight I’ll pick up the pieces 
Pack up the memories 
And sort them one by one into nicely labeled boxes 
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
2016
It is always the same 
And I’m tired of fighting 
Tired of going back and forth between taking your name and taking my things and leaving 
And I know you are fully aware that when that happens I will not look back 
And that scares you

Tonight I’ll expose my soul to you 
I will not hold back 
I’m not one to show my emotions 
To bare my scars to the onlooker 
It took you 6 years to even get to know me 
The person I truly was inside
You always leave me here 
To cleanup what you leave behind

Tonight you will be angry with me
Until you meet my eye
And you’re just left with the pain of the day 
You push me away to test me
But baby, this isn’t a game 
I can’t guess what you’re thinking, nor should I have to 
I’ve been honest with you 
And always kept your best interest in mind 
And maybe you don’t like it
You’ll say I’m merciless yet again 
And I will gladly let you believe that 
Because I know that’s easier for you 
Tonight we’ll just pretend

Reviews

[Inject Positivity]

Very strong words... I really loved the way the poem keeps its intensity going throughout the write... It's seems that the poet is dealing with strong emotions and decided to express all to another person... It's a kind of a relatable topic for me... I understand the emotion of this poem... Very well expressed frnd...

Sincerely
Dhiman