Yielding

Where do you go when you’ve strayed so far from the path?
Is there any turning back?
Do you just keep moving forward; with hope that eventually it will take you where you need to be?
Trudging down the trail as fast as you can; trying to find an exit, with no success
I feel like I’ve been running circles through your brain; trying to tie up loose ends
You say there is nothing to find, but your eyes lie
With empty words and broken promises; I try to believe you
Everything in my souls says there is more
Do I really want to know what it is that you are hiding?
What if there is nothing left to find, and I’m just stuck in a loop?
It’s been this way so long, that it’s like second nature; a lifetime of lies
Even you can’t seem to tell the difference anymore
I’m a wandering soul, trying to find my place; looking in the mirror with disdain
I hate that girl in the mirror; the one who looks so defeated
Her eyes are empty
The light that once was there has been distinguished
Can you fix the broken?
I mean what’s really broken; shattered into pieces on the floor
Glass shards cut my feet
I press down and grind my heel into the ground where the broken pieces lay
That’s better
What’s broken is now a piece of me; never to be forgotten
Each step pushes them further into my pad
Eventually the wounds heal; the shards still embedded in my skin
What’s not supposed to be will eventually push its way out anyway
Still I try to keep it
Once it works its way out, I repeat
Not realizing what this cycle is doing to me
What am I without it?
Am I still me?
Was this ever who I really was?
Will I ever know the answers to the questions my brain needs to know, but my heart fears?
They burn behind my eyes, leaving black marks on my retinas
Where do I go from here?
Do I push forward against your force?
Do I just let it be?
It is what it is
That’s been my motto lately
You can’t change what doesn’t want to change
You can only control yourself
Things are always changing and if you don’t move with it, you will be left behind
Nothing more than a forgotten memory that pops up from time to time; after a few too many drinks
Maybe one day you’ll be sitting at the bar, having a drink with a few friends
Maybe SHE will even be there with you
She reaches for your hand and caresses it softly
Suddenly all of the memories come flooding in; everything that you had and gave up
Do you think you’ll regret your choices?
Or are you happy now?
Playing house with a married woman; who has no intention of this ever being anything more than just a game
I would have given you anything, you know
For me, it was never a game
But I got played like a fiddle that was out of tune and then tossed to the side like yesterday's garbage
Now you’re searching through the debris, trying to find me
But I’m withered from the weather and the harsh conditions of this storm
I’m not shiny and new anymore
There’s scuff marks on my body, and my strings are broken and tangled
You hold me and try to tune me again, but the notes that come out are distorted
Every now and then a beautiful notes leaks out, only to be followed by the twinge of my broken heart
I don’t know that I’ll ever be the same
I don’t know that I’ll ever be the person you fell in love with
I don’t know that I will ever be okay
But I want to be.